So my husband told me he had a stressful day and wasn’t feeling well. I hurt my back and I’m not feeling well either. Our youngest who is 9 months is cutting teeth. Our 3 year old twins were in bed. My husband put them to bed and flipped out because they were being cranky. About 20 min later One woke up screaming and I wanted to pump. I’m weaning and it’s been 9 hours since I’ve pumped. I’m an oversupplier and I wanted to pump because by this point I was engorged. Husband was putting a protecrive outlet cover on near baby’s crib- as soon as I connected to the pump. If I stop pumping as soon as I start I start leaking and I’m engorged in pain. Husband got mad at me for not getting to the twins as soon as they started yelling then baby started and he got even angrier. I will be done pumping soon but it seems like whenever I pump there’s an issue. When the baby started in he was done by that point and could have fed her the bottle on the dresser but chose not to. He just proceeded to become angrier and put the pacifier in her mouth. Then he tells me pumping comes first and I don’t put anything else in front of it when it’s been 9 hours because I’ve been too busy with the kids and house chores but pumping comes first. He wanted me to post to see if I’m in the wrong. I should add I’m a stay at home mom so I am with the kids 24/7, I ask him to put them to bed.
Disagreement with husband regarding pumping for our child
r/AITAH
Comments
Why do people keep having children with these man babies?
NTA.
NTA. 9 hours is way too long to go without pumping, especially if you’re an over supplier and in pain. He could’ve handled the bottle, especially since you were literally in pain and taking care of your body
This is an awful husband, honey. This is bullshit. No man should tell you how to prioritize pumping your engorged breasts. Dude- I have a feeling he’s emotionally abusive in other ways too. Sincerely- a therapist who mostly works with women recovering from abusive relationships. If this is a one time frustration situation then you two need to have a talk about how he’s treating you. If he does this stuff often, I would leave, if you have the support and ability to do so. Definitely don’t have anymore babies with him.
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NTA you are both parents. The time he is home child care needs to be 50/50 because you spent all day working at home while he worked out of the house. At least he gets adult interactions and mental stimulating. You are a cook, house keeper, teacher, nanny, possibly even gardener all rolled into 1. I’m a woman and my husband was the stay at home parent he wanted to turn our kid over to me and go lock himself away because he was “too tired” but when I was home for maternity leave he was like you aren’t doing anything, it’s easy to be home. Nevermind the fact I got mastitis 2 times, had a baby land shark who was a aggressive eater (had to switch to pumping because of his feeding style), I got a blood clot, and I had my first gallbladder attack all during my maternity leave.
NTA and honestly, any parent who cannot handle all of THEIR children, regardless of the number, at once, should not dictate anything to the parent who has to juggle all the kids at once plus prepare the entire house. He needed to be asking how can he help rather than getting mad at the situation because it doesn’t help AT all and actually adds to the chaos.
NTA He’s the one in the wrong. Kids are tough and a grown man being upset at you that they can’t handle their emotions as 3yr olds is wild. He can’t handle his emotions but he expects them to? If you’ve been so busy with 3 kids that you can’t pump in 9hrs – which is reasonable, kids are hard work- then when the 2nd adult comes home they should pick up the slack so you can pump. You both worked all day – the night work is shared. He can’t pump for you so he should handle the three kids. No one is going to say he’s right and you’re wrong. Good luck with that man baby.
wish i had the easy life of being a stay at home parent. why didn’t you feed the baby? 2 birds and all that.
Love how my comment was removed because I threatened “violence “. Umm no i didn’t but ok power trip. NTA
NTA stop having kids with someone who doesn’t want to share parenting.
So NTA I’m a stay at home mom to a seven month old (former premie) he has tons of therapies and appointments to manage, but it doesn’t matter if my husband has worked 8 hrs or 12 that day he gets home from work cleans up and then goes straight to checking on the baby. He takes care of whatever the baby needs until we go to bed and on weekends he lets me sleep in as late as I want. Your children should be a partnership and let’s face it, the outlet cover could have waited until the kids had be tended to.
NTA and i hope he reads all these and realizes he sucks
NTA. You’re with the kids 24/7. He needs to grow up.
Better get some couples counseling quick.
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Give him blue balls and let him know that’s the closest you can do.to make.him.understamd how painful it is. That is, of course, unless he wants to find a way to get a doctor to give him a high dose of prolactin, so he can actually understand.
NTA – reading this while pumping and pumping needs to be a priority ! You can’t stop once you start and 9 hours is sooo long!
I can go about 9 hours at night but during the day I want to die
Tell your husband that he is a child and we all despise him. He should grow up and step up. What a whiny @ss t!tty baby.
You remember that demon voice your Mom would use on you when you were acting up in the store to get you to stop? You need to whip that out right now on your husband and set him right.
Sorry, pumping needs to come first. As you said, the bottle was available for the baby, which wouldn’t have woken up if he tended to the 3 yr old
Fine, if pumping comes first then HE can deal with the kids and the house chores. NTA!
Your husband should be perfectly capable of settling the littles while you pump, or do anything else. He isn’t a babysitter, he’s a parent and needs to step up and be fully in the role of parent.
NTA, not pumping especially with an over supply can cause issues, clogged ducts, mastitis, etc, 9 hours is far too long!
Husband is a whiny toxic crybaby. He wanted to nut now he has to man up and deal with it. This is the parents life. Don’t like it leave so she can find someone better, a real man and real father. Send child support and go back to nursing from his own mommy. lol. what a tool.
After a 12.5 hr day at work yesterday, my partner (who is not feeling well either) got home and immediately jumped into helping with the kids, and put one of them to bed, which took an entire hour. They eventually had dinner at 9pm…
They do this every work day, no matter how many hours they have worked. Your husband needs to pull his head out his ass and step up like a real parent.
Also, maybe invest in a portable pump you can shove in your bra? It’s important you take care of you, God’s know your partner isn’t.
If this is a more recent behavior, you may need to sit down and talk about why he’s taking his stress out on you and the kids. If he has always been like this, well, then you need to figure out some way of making sure your kids don’t grow up thinking that these behaviors are acceptable. Whether that comes in the form of therapy, counselling, or separation is something only you can decide.
Nta, leave that man.
NTA, you have 4 children
I would say, pumping does come first, and for your own sake, you need to do it sooner and put off other stuff. Like, he can make dinner for fuck sake.
NTA this night, though.
Ugh 4 babies. Can’t abide a “man” who can’t control his emotions
OP PLEASE STAND YOUR GROUND! You are only human. If he cannot take care of the kids for an hour then HE needs to HIRE someone to come in the middle of the day to night bed time to help with all the kids. You are not wrong!
Update us.
I’m so sorry your oldest child won’t help you with the little ones.
Tell your husband you’re not wrong.
I really hope this is not AI.
Obviously, your husband’s a useless feckless shit face. Pumping this part of caring for your kids, you’re literally creating food. What exactly is he bringing to the table other than income? I’m guessing he doesn’t help with anything around the house either. At least if you divorce and share custody you will get a break.
NTA
Being a parent sucks. Being exhausted sucks. Being an exhausted parent of twins really sucks. It is all bad.
It needs to be the two of you against the problem, not him against you. To quote Jim Gaffigan, “imagine you’re drowning and someone hands you a baby.”
When both of you come up for air he needs to apologize and you need to accept his apology, and try to remember that you love each other and that one day in 5 or 6 years you both might get 8 straight hours of sleep. Or he needs to make a lot more money and hire you a nanny.
I can’t even empathize. You keep having children with assholes. Then you put touraelf in a vulnerable situation wirh no income. WTF.
NTA. Maybe try the hands free pump for an in between pump so you aren’t going 9 hours.
If it is husband’s task to bathe and put to bed, he needs to do it. The twins need their routine to be whatever it helpful. Bath, brush teeth, one book, and lights out. No talking or playing. Husband needs to enforce it if he sees them playing. Gently but firm remind them it is lights out and go to sleep.
You have three littles. However, it isn’t always going to be like this. Three is more than you two can handle at the moment though.
NTA. Your husband is a dick.
I know the pumping pain and absolute stress/hormones that go with being engorged! It’s straight up awful.
Your husband is a dingleberry.
NTA.
He wanted you to post this, but is he going to get mad that he’s going to get ratioed by the comments.
Honestly you’re TA to your self, why did you have a third child with a man who can’t even parent the first two without having a man-baby meltdown. Parenting is a full time commitment by both parties. Is he ready to handle all 3 on his own plus work, and keeping up a living space for 50% of the time if you divorce this adult sized toddler? You’d have less work and more rest if you were working and only had the kids half time.
NTA
He is making this way harder than it needs to be. He is just adding complications. All he has to do is help you put them to bed while you finally have the time to pump. I do hope he reads all of this if it helps him get his head on straight.
I exclusively pumped 14m and it was awful.
Sorry you’re going through this OP; I think husbands often don’t realize the discomfort when it’s past time to pump.
NTA why does he get to go off work at 5 and he expects 24/7 out of you? He is an ass
Another man thinking he’s being asked to “babysit” his own kids🙄
The fact that you’re even questioning if you are in the wrong makes it clear he’s an absolute ahole. No, you cannot stop pumping when you’re engorged!! Thats not how fucking nature works.
He’s mad because he thinks you’re relaxing!! So his job ends at 5 or 6… When does your job end? Just because you’re a stay at home mom while he’s at work doesn’t mean he gets to quit when work is done. He still has to be a parent and partner after 5, just like you do!!
NTA he could have given the bottle to the baby and let the twins cry it out, they would have been fine. He was just looking for a reason to bitch. You have a routine that normally works for you and sometimes it doesn’t, that’s life. But if this happens frequently, get out ASAP.
I guess the thing I want to say is that your husband sucks as a partner in this whole parenting thing. He needs to figure out where the anger is coming from where he gets mad at his wife because she needs to pump and it not being convenient for him.
Not only should he be helping get them to bed, he should be helping from the time he gets home…he doesn’t get a break because he went to work during the day. You’ve been working at home caring for 3 kids under 3. In the evenings, you should be tag teaming it. This goes the same on the weekends; maybe you get to sleep in on Saturday while he handles the kids & he gets to sleep in on Sundays.
And, if he thinks your job is so easy, maybe you should get a week away with your friends while he stays home and cares for the kids 24/7…without help from family/friends. Maybe only then will he realize everything you do and actually show some appreciation on what a good mom his kids have.
So, how does HE behave when he’s engorged and desperately in need of pumping? Does he put the kids first then?
NTA. He sounds terrible.
NTA, pumping takes priority. Especially when engorged. Crying can make your body produce more, which isnt what you need but his arms and legs work.
My husband had his ACL tear, still took care of your daughter.
He then had surgery to repair. He still stepped up when he could to take care of OUR children, yep got pregnant and had a baby while he had to wait for surgery.
He’s either willing to step up and help or he can pay child support ordered by a judge.
I am 15 years past needing to pump and I still felt that pain you felt in that moment. I’m so sorry. You need to ask yourself if this is how you want the rest of your life to go. NTA. Your husband is a total man-baby.
Solid NTA. You two are in the thick of it. Sounds like you both could use some extra support. It’s a super tough phase.
Mastitis is real! It is extremely painful and results from engorged breasts. He will never experience painful infected swollen HOT red breasts that cannot be covered they hurt so much. Tell him to look it up. Look up the pictures. Tell him to leave if he gets that angry. He needs help, serious help!