Me – M (25), F (25) – 3.5 years with one child.
I thought I’d post on here just for some advice. It could just be situational in that my girlfriend has stopped breastfeeding 2 weeks ago, so it’s very valid in that her hormones could have an impact.
I’ve been struggling with chronic pain since February, and my mental health has declined with it, with constant anxiety & low mood. I’m being treated for it w/ SSRIs, mood stabilisers, ADHD stimulants & therapy etc.
Whenever my partner and I are with other people, I tend to feel invisible as she doesn’t initiate conversation with me, or even look at me. When we’re at home together, communication is quite minimal also, in that she doesn’t talk to me much, doesn’t want affection, and has no interest in sex. Fine, but gets triggered or defensive when I ask about these topics. She has found my struggles hard as she feels powerless, which is understandable. I do find she’s quite snappy at times, which hurts, but that’s how she’s always been. I know it doesn’t excuse rudeness that it’s always been like that, but her family are very aware that she is that way also.
I do find that I take on a lot of housework & childcare, and even find myself doing a lot for her. I don’t know if it’s that she doesn’t want to get off sofa and get stuff for herself or.. It’s so hard, we say we love eachother and I know we do, but I wonder if she’s avoiding the fact that our relationship is struggling at the moment.
We both work full time so sure, we’re both bound to be tired while having a 16 month also. However, I do think our relationship is important also. I don’t know if I’m comfortable bringing up that we seem to be struggling as I’m still going through a rough patch. Things have definitely improved with my mental health. I’m wondering whether it’s worth just focusing on myself & daughter ofc so that I don’t crumble if things get worse between us.
Would you say it’s worth getting myself in a better place before focussing on our relationship? I’d rather not have some argument that results in me feeling so much worse
TL;DR; : gf distancing due to ?my struggles, how do I address? Focus on myself first or our relationship.