I’m canvassing for different views. Have you married again? Were you put off the idea for life? Has the significance of marriage changed for you? If you have re-married, what have you done differently? Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences 🙂
Divorced Ladies…what is your view on getting married a second time?
r/AskWomen
Comments
I’m on my second divorce and finally found a guy I would marry without a second of worry.
Dunno if we will though.
But that would be three marriages for me. And the funnier part? They all will have had the same first name.
I’m still in the middle of my very long divorce so I get that my thoughts are informed by that. The idea of marriage again after a very difficult marriage scares me and I’d love to think I could be happy on my own long term, but the truth is I love love and I love having a committed partner and I know I’ll seek that out again when I’m ready. I’ll just do a lot of things differently this time. Like separate beds, I’m never dealing with snoring again.
I’m in my second marriage. I was certainly put off by the idea of marriage for a bit. The fairytale had faded and I didn’t see a point in marriage. Fell in love and was happy just living together, but we live in a conservative country and as expats visas and fertility etc are far easier married. So we eloped and it was wonderful! This marriage is different because we focus on respecting one another first, and making sure the relationship is a positive force in one another’s lives. I used to think marriage is hard and about sacrificing. But I’ve found it is far easier when your partner isn’t the reason it is hard, and the sacrifices aren’t my soul or happiness.
Even though my divorce wasn’t especially traumatic (as those things go at least), I don’t want a legal marriage ever again. I’ll commit to someone, but I don’t want the legal entanglements.
You’re more likely to get divorced the 2nd time than the first. I believe this to be true, from personal experience, because we don’t do the internal work we need to do and jump into another marriage. If you plan on getting married a 2nd time figure out what went wrong the first time. Think about the complaints and criticisms your ex made. Realize your part in the downfall of your first marriage. There are always two people in a marriage and two people in the downfall of a marriage. Once you find your faults, what went wrong, then work on those issues, your issues. Go to therapy, read self-help books, listen to podcasts, recognize your faults and make an effort to change them. Starting a new marriage when you haven’t changed anything, haven’t been single long enough, and haven’t looked really hard in the mirror, is going to just result in another divorce. This is due to you picking the same type of men and expecting different results, being too controlling but doing nothing to change, being clingy, things that men can take at first but will drive them away after a while. Remember you’re the common denominator in all your failed relationships. You can only change the outcome.
At first I didn’t really want to go through with it again, I don’t like the idea of being tied to someone like that. Butttt I can definitely see myself marrying the guy I’m with now. It feels right this time and he’s got me craving wifey status. Although I’m not in a rush and don’t really want to have a wedding.
To a new and more compatible partner? Yes. If someone who is divorced finds someone else they want to marry and who wants to marry them, they should go for it. There’s no reason to refuse marriage just because you’ve been married previously and divorced. No one has to get married, but having been married and divorced doesn’t stop you from being qualified to marry again.
I’m in my second marriage. My first marriage lasted around a decade. This one has more than doubled that, and we are very happy, in love, and thrilled to be married to each other. I don’t think anyone should be expected to cut themselves off from choosing a new marriage just because they had a prior divorce
It took me a long time after my divorce to even consider marrying anyone else but I met my now husband and knew straight away we would get married. Been together a long time and I’m so glad we are married, he’s amazing. The difference this time around is that I trusted my gut instinct on how I felt.
2nd marriage is a dream come true. Finding the right mate is worth the wait. And I did the selecting this time! I didn’t wait to be chosen – I chose him.
I don’t blame the legal and cultural concept of marriage for my abusive relationship.
That said, after what I went through I didn’t think I’d ever want to be touched by a man again.