I’ve (19F) been with my boyfriend (21M) for some time; we split ways a couple months ago for a few months but I rang him and told him I don’t want us to be immature/leave eachother. It’s been going well but it’s very apparent that his mother HATES me. She’s called me loads of names, she listens into our conversations over the phone and if she hears one thing she doesn’t like she storms into his room and shouts. It’s a massive problem for her and it’s starting to affect me.
He used to talk to his mother when he was angry about me and him arguing. He says now he backs me up and shuts her down when she says something bad and he’s gonna stop venting to her. Which I don’t know if that’s a healthy boundary.
You may be wondering what i have done for her to be like this, and in all honesty, im wondering too! the only arguments we’ve ever had are very common arguments and they aren’t that often (until now since this problem has arrived)And when we do upset each other, it’s equal amounts. Neither of us hurt eachothers feelings intentionally. we’ve never cheated on each other or told a major lie. We aren’t a toxic couple.
She hasn’t rung me or text me to try sort it (we’ve never had a conversation). The conversation needs to be had, but she has never shown intrest.
Bit of background, she smokes weed with him. Lets him sniff (if you know you know), she’s even done it with him while we wasn’t together and his heart was breaking. She doesn’t encourage him to get a job. Whereas i’m the opposite and try and encourage him to do well for himself. But she loves him dearly clearly if she’s acting this way. It’s like he’s her pet.
I rarely talk to my mother when me and my boyfriend have had an argument but If i do it’s very brief and she won’t try and manipulate me into thinking negatively of him and she won’t get involved.
I’m at the point now where i don’t know what to do. I think about it a lot : i speak to my partner openly about how I feel but it just turns into a negative conversation because there’s just something in me that can’t let it go. It’s upsetting and I would love to meet his mother if she was nice..he’s my my family and always welcome round here. Just feel like I’m missing out on that from his side. Just need some advice!
TL;DR boyfriends mother hates me over normal couple problems and i’m not sure what to do now because it’s really affecting me
Comments
The problem isn’t (only) his mother – it’s that he doesn’t do anything about it.
Don’t date a mommas boy. Best case scenario you become his mommy substitute. Most common outcome is she makes your lives miserable until you finally give up or one of you dies.
So he has a toxic mom that wants to control him and you’re taking her baby away from her with all this talk of independence. You can’t do annoying but leave him. He needs to be a grown up and tell mommy dearest to back off. You can’t do that for him.