Both me and my boyfriend are looking for jobs right now. He’s having a harder time so he’s kinda put off from looking hard just because of his situation but we’re both looking.
Ive been living off my savings from my last job but he’s gone low on that so he hasn’t had much for a couple months. This hasn’t been unknown to me so we’ve adjusted and we’ve just been hanging out at home a lot and doing free dates. Which i am beyond okay with I just love quality time.
I have never asked for money from him in any sort of way and I’m usually the one paying. Which I’ve voiced i’m okay with (bc we’re not doing much) while we’re looking for jobs.
We were talking earlier and i asked when i could see him next. he started to get kinda weird saying he doesn’t want to. I start to question him just curious on why and what’s going on if something was up. And he started talking about how he doesn’t wanna be around me or anyone else right now because he doesn’t have any money.
I have always been fully supportive of him in wtv he wants to do and told him I’ll do anything to help. And i have showed up for him everytime in sum big situations.
I understand what he means he feels like to go do anything he has to have money in his pocket. But I’ve never cared about that and we’re usually just hanging out at one of our houses not spending money anyways so what changed in him not wanting to see me at all.
I get the situation is frustrating but he keeps complaining about how he’s had no help from anyone yet chooses to push out the one person trying to help and be there for him. He’s claiming i’m making it about me because I’m asking if he still wants us because he claims he does but i’ve had to ask him for the bare minimum effort on multiple occasions and then he goes and says things like “go be with whoever you want” or “that’s just how i am” when i tell him about things he does or says that affect my emotions.
I’m understanding where he’s coming from but he thinks i’m trying to make it about myself. i’ve told him multiple times all i want is him to show up and he makes me feel like the bad guy for wanting him to do boyfriend things😭.
Advice?
TL;DR: My boyfriend is pushing me away over money stress, calling me selfish when I just want basic effort and reassurance.
Comments
I do think that this isn’t about you. He’s feeling down because he’s tied his self worth to having money and is depressed. Being around you doesn’t help and it has nothing to do with you. He doesn’t have what it takes to be a boyfriend right now.
All that to say that if he indefinitely doesn’t want to see you, then yeah, you should break up because that’s not a relationship at that point. Also, when you say “this thing you did hurts my feelings” and a guy says “well that’s just how I am” that’s a massive red flag.