Hi all,
Me 23 F and my ex boyfriend 23M broke up over 2 years ago! The relationship ended because I discovered he send me nudes to other people, I filed a report and went through the court. He was found guilty and charged with sharing exploit content without consent. I did try and share this info with people but wasn’t very vocal about it. His last almost gf messaged me because she heard rumours something happened, I told her what happened and she dumped him. I don’t believe this new girl knows, and I only know who she is because I was friends with her at one point a long time ago.
Thank you
This is the message I sent her:
Hey, I just released you and (ex boyfriend) are an item, and I just wanted to check he was honest with you about his DV charge I put against him. He took videos of me asleep and naked and distributed them on them to other people without my knowledge.
You were always a beautiful lovely woman and I wanted to just make sure you knew. I hope you’re well x
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Honestly, try to see if the authorities will do it without you directly having to be the person to warn her
No. I understand what he did to you was awful and you want to protect other women, but how long can you realistically do this for? You can’t spend your whole life watching him and warning women off.
It could go two ways, either she appreciates the warning and acts upon it, or she tells you to mind your own business and ignores it. Either way I’d appreciate someone telling me my current couple is both a criminal and a terrible person.
I personally believe people have the right to know what they are signing themselves up for. If you feel you need to say something then say something.
I know girl friendships are different than “guy” friendships. As a guy, one friend from 20 years ago is still my friend, especially if the only thing that happened was we didn’t see each other. I’d assume if you an Ole girl didn’t have a messy falling out, she’d be very receptive to your messages. Even if you 2 did have a bad spat, I’d like to know if my new partner was sharing and sending my 2 inch “devastator” around, especially if they’ve been known to do so in the past with exes.
Seems like you’re more interested in starting drama for your ex than anything else. It’s not our jobs or even in our best interest to inform people about our previous relationships and why things didn’t work out.
But it is in your interest if you still have feelings for him.
I do worry that my goal is to make mess for him, it at the same time I would think he deserves mess after he did that to me. However, I worry that he hasn’t been honest with her as he is a compulsive liar. If a guy told me that I wouldn’t date him.
Was he convicted? Is it not a registerable offense where you are?
I would probably tell her, be like “hey I know this sounds weird and hard to believe And like I’m looking for drama but I’m not. Here’s what happened, here is the court document with the result.” I’d leave words like compulsive liar out. You could say like he also lied a lot. “I know this is a lot to take in and I don’t expect anything from you, I just felt like you had a right to know”
I would start a new account. Message her saying “don’t let him take any nudes of you. Ask around”. And leave it at that.
Girl you need to get over him, I’m not saying your feelings are wrong I’m just saying that you can’t and shouldn’t be so focused on him. These women will navigate this shit in their own ways and who knows maybe your ex learned his lesson
Straight up get over yourself and remove… yourself, and just do as was suggested before, just drop the basic summary of the info: “hey he’s been known to do this in the past and was when convicted and give guilty by a court. I’m not trying to get in your guys’s business but as a fellow female I know I certainly would appreciate the heads up if I started dating a guy with such recent history” and leave it at that. You know you didn’t REALLY want to be involved, let alone care about their relationship, but in this regard it’s kinda common courtesy. After that don’t worry about it or let it occupy your mind again.
I’m sorry the situations, all around in this synopsis, are pretty bad, god speed!
Are you going to follow who he dates for the rest of your life? You need to live for you. Block him on everything. It sucks but people end up involved with shitty people all of the time. You can’t protect everyone. You need to live for you.
Good on you for letting her know. All the comments suggesting you’re still hung up on him or want to create drama obviously aren’t from girls’ girls.
I know this is hard, but….. the things I learned to ask potential dates that after getting divorced after a 4 year marriage to my 1st husband were –
Have you ever been arrested or charged with a crime?
Have you ever had a marriage annulled that you haven’t told me about?
How long have you been working at your current job?
These are things that I never would have considered even asking, but all of them turned out to be relevant in my marriage. However, it is not your responsibility, nor is it healthy to go around warning people about this dude. There are public databases that are easily accessible, and in the current social media environment people generally do some looking into their love interest’s pasts anyway. If you want to, perhaps you could reference your own story in a pinned Fb post, sticking to facts. If you are 1 year free of him, congrats on your freedom!! I hope you are living life to the fullest, and are meeting some great new people to audition for the role of. “OP’s wonderful new BF” and having a great time doing it!😉💗
P.S. – As of the 16th of this month, I will have been married for 11 years to the most amazing person. Also, my ex was flat broke when I left, and had those kinda photos of me as well as zero morals, so I am pretty sure some illicit photos of me are out there too. My advice is not to let one dud consume another year of your life because you will be busy monitoring his dating life. Just go live your best life and allow yourself to focus on yourself and the life you want for yourself. I am pretty sure you don’t want to be spending hours looking after whoever jerk face is dating. You really don’t need to worry about it, because karma will always take care of people like him, and she is a total B word.
I would definitely want to know. What he did sounds like a major character flaw and lack of integrity amongst other things. So if it’s not a major hassle for you, I would definitely send that text
Dude sounds creepy asf making vids of you in your sleep w/o your consent.
That guy sounds creepy