I don’t know who to go to about this so here we are. Are my nerves normal or is this a red flag?
I am getting married in 2 months, and am considering backing out. My partner is the sweetest human being; he’s always emotionally supporting me, has never said anything bad to me, or ever treated me bad.
The problem is communication. I have Borderline Personality, and it’s something I’ve went through counseling for my entire life. Becuase of this, I am very open about my emotions, and need open communication to feel comfortable. Unfortunately my fiancé is not in touch with his emotions, and does not speak about them at all.
I can easily tell when he’s upset about things, he will say he’s fine, and after 20 times of nagging and begging he will finally tell me what’s wrong. It will be simple things like, I didn’t like how you said that, or I didn’t feel like doing this chore. He is never open about feelings, and constantly just hides them from me.
We went to a couple counseling sessions and he said reasoning for telling me how he feels is he doesn’t want to upset me. I have never acted upset about him coming to me to talk, only do I ever get upset when I find out he was hiding something from me regarding his emotions; then I get upset. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I never know what he’s truly thinking or feeling because I have to beg to get it out of him. It has me on edge, and the last couple months I’ve felt like we’re just roommates. We never do things directly together anymore, and I have no interest in intimacy anymore. He is so sweet and takes care of me, but how do I move on from this? It’s eating me up.
TLDR: Do I still marry my partner if he constantly hides his emotions and lies about them?
Comments
He needs help expanding his emotional understanding and awareness – aka emotional intelligence and regulation.
If he wants to learn and grow…give him the space and time to do so.
So, it sounds like he just does not want to explode with emotions.
It took me awhile to learn how to properly express my emotions (as a guy), and I still mess up, especially when im really exhausted or frustrated.
I am really good at listening to people and deconpressing the emotional stuff they load onto me, but sometimes when expressing, it’ll all come out, rather than slowly. He probably just doesn’t want to overwhelm you, and it takes time to learn how to do that.
And sometimes, expressing emotions to a significant other is hard, especially if it involves them directly, so as a person you have to learn to control the emotions so you dont put the person on the defensive. It is a very hard balance.