My gf communicated that she wants me to improve on the love languages below in order to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship and marriage down the road.
- Words of affirmation – Trying to compliment her and call her beautiful everyday, as well as consistent encouragement when we’re doing our hobbies and interest
- Gifts – just because Flowers every month, probably every time the current one on the dining table is about to die
- Physical Touch – Must initiate sex via kissing, oral, cuddles, at the right time without any expectation of sex. In addition to daily 10-15min massages without asking. She won’t be interested in sex unless she’s happy and fulfilled in other aspects of the relationship.
- Quality Time – 3-5x a month, on top of 2-4x a week of hobbies and interest with friends
- Acts of Service – I make her life easier by doing 80% of the chores at home, cook, dishes, clean, grocery shopping, maintaining house, cars, driving, tossing garbage, includes paying for over 65% of everything
The issue is that despite trying to do my best to do the above while holding 2 jobs, I’m being told that if I can’t do the simple things above consistently, she can’t be happy in the long run and we should break up if I can’t do the above consistently.
Do I accept her break-up net time she brings it up?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Don’t wait and accept her break up because you’re failing her.
Break up with her now for being an over-bearing, cold hearted control freak who uses the threat of a breakup to manipulate you.
She sounds like a demanding pain in the ass, easier and less annoying to break up.
Is this ragebait? I want to believe so.
“love languages”
ugh. I get so tired of hearing about this.
All love languages does is turn a natural relationship with sincere care into a “chore” to “earn”, or try to, somebody’s affections.
NEVER consider marriage if your partner is focused on that. You might as well base it off a mood ring.
Reread what you just typed. How does that not read like a chore list?
Secondly, ultimatums in a relationship are almost NEVER justified. This is not justified.
Lastly, it sounds like a very one-sided relationship. I very much doubt she would welcome such a list from you AND sincerely do it with good feelings about it.
You don’t have a good partner, dude.
What do You get out of this relationship?
Reading this literally exhausted me.
Dude, dude.
I doubt this is real because it looks so ragebait-y, but if it is, what is she doing for you in return for that extremely unreasonable list? Where does your happiness come factor in the equation?
Don’t be a sucker, just cut your losses.
And what is she doing for you while you somehow fill all 5 of her love languages? (This is not how love languages work, btw. You should do some reading.)
You are not in this relationship – or any relationship – to allow someone to do nothing.
You should break up, because it will never, ever be enough with someone like her.
Oh I hope this is fake.
OP if you do this do you really think she’ll be happy ad not lump on more? She wants you to do 80% of chores as am acts of service love language to make her happy? What if her demands make you miserable? OP, what will make you happy and fulfilled with her? Neither love or happiness are transactional. And have you educated yourself on the five love languages, this is not how love languages are meant to be used. Gf’s behavior is very manipulative, demanding and controlling. Life is so much better when you leave people behind who act that way.
Just break up with her now. What does SHE bring to the table?
Well I’d tell her to get fucked but that’s just me. I think love languages are BS anyway to be honest but in any case, you get one. Not all. And what is she doing for you apart from making unreasonable demands?
Please break up with her as she sounds awful. This sounds like a dictatorship not a relationship. Cant believe she’s 30 wtf
Yes, you do
Does she want a partner or a slave?
You’re not going to win this. She’ll keep stacking the requirements until you fold, there’s never enough.
Call her bluff and go be happy
If she listed 1 I’d say it’s worth it. However, she listed 4 of the 5 love languages. Also, which does she speak back? In other words, how does she communicate love?
Fam you need to run away from her fast not slow. Don’t wait for a next time. Just pack up your things and leave.
Icky… it’s one thing to tell you she needs more affection and she likes when you do x, y, and z. But this? And she’s threatening you with a breakup? That’s manipulation 101. This would be way too overbearing, I’d hit the eject button now, before you’re in too deep.
This is got to be a joke – no person male or female would accept conditions like those unless they were looking for abuse