I(24f) went on a first date with a guy(29m) from a dating app a little over a month ago. I liked his profile because he was into a particular type of partner dancing that I was interested in trying out more. We decided on a pretty spontaneous date after very little chatting at a city park for dinner and dancing to live music.
The date was really fun, he taught me some moves after dinner both to the live music and in a quiet area of the park to some music on his phone. I thought he was very nice and easy to talk to and he seemed genuinely interested in listening to me. However, there were a few things about the date that made me feel really unsure during my drive home despite the fact that I did have fun overall.
1) Some of the jokes he told were a bit uncomfortable. In particular, there was a really stretched out one he cracked when we were talking about the zoo, which in short consisted of him meeting his ex while visiting the monkeys and she must have liked his banana. There were others but this was the oddest one.
2) I’m really into physical touch, but I was overwhelmed with how much happened in this approximately 2 hour first date. I knew a kiss was possible, especially because dancing is more intimate, but there was way too much making out and hand holding. I’m into this stuff as I get to know someone but for a first date it was too much. This also goes to show I need to work on setting boundaries and communicating, so that is not this guy’s fault I didn’t do that, it’s just uncomfortable for me to express my needs/turn down people in that context especially when I don’t know them well.
When he asked me about date 2 the next day, I replied thanking him for dinner and the fun night, but I’m not interested in a second date and I hope he finds his future dance wifey. He thanked me for replying, was understanding, and also apologized for making out with me too much even though I never brought it up to him. I went about my life and continued to go on other dates, though I haven’t met anyone I’ve truly clicked with yet.
There was a dance studio I had been wanting to try where I knew I could possibly run into this guy at, but the reviews were great and I wanted to start taking lessons, not to mention I didn’t see any other popular studios near me that taught this particular type of dance. Sure enough, I bump into him almost first thing. We casually chatted for a bit and I even asked if he was upset about me declining a second date. He joked that we were sworn enemies and I insisted we’ll have to have a dance battle to settle it. 😂 After my beginner lesson I danced with a couple of guys at the social dance, and during one last song before I went home my former date asked me to dance. It was just as fun as our date and the chemistry still was there(but perhaps in more of a platonic context now). I walked out that night thinking well at the very least I potentially have a cool dance friend.
The problem is, I have been daydreaming of him a lot. I had my reasons to decline a second date but the next week when I went to the studio I was wanting to talk/dance with him again and even found myself disappointed when he didn’t stop to chat with me. I’m confused with myself and wondering if I’m being delusional. I don’t want to be unfair to this person and string him along. It’s fully possible my recent failed dating stages have clouded my judgement, or I’m romanticizing the dancing aspect so much that I’ve forgotten the fact that I didn’t feel sure about us being compatible back when we had our date.
I have talked to my best friend about this but would love some unbiased opinions. Do I act on this and ask him out again, and explain that this time I want to move slower? Or do I trust that my gut was right the first time and either leave this person alone or try and find another studio?
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Backup of the post’s body: I(24f) went on a first date with a guy(29m) from a dating app a little over a month ago. I liked his profile because he was into a particular type of partner dancing that I was interested in trying out more. We decided on a pretty spontaneous date after very little chatting at a city park for dinner and dancing to live music.
The date was really fun, he taught me some moves after dinner both to the live music and in a quiet area of the park to some music on his phone. I thought he was very nice and easy to talk to and he seemed genuinely interested in listening to me. However, there were a few things about the date that made me feel really unsure during my drive home despite the fact that I did have fun overall.
Some of the jokes he told were a bit uncomfortable. In particular, there was a really stretched out one he cracked when we were talking about the zoo, which in short consisted of him meeting his ex while visiting the monkeys and she must have liked his banana. There were others but this was the oddest one.
I’m really into physical touch, but I was overwhelmed with how much happened in this approximately 2 hour first date. I knew a kiss was possible, especially because dancing is more intimate, but there was way too much making out and hand holding. I’m into this stuff as I get to know someone but for a first date it was too much. This also goes to show I need to work on setting boundaries and communicating, so that is not this guy’s fault I didn’t do that, it’s just uncomfortable for me to express my needs/turn down people in that context especially when I don’t know them well.
When he asked me about date 2 the next day, I replied thanking him for dinner and the fun night, but I’m not interested in a second date and I hope he finds his future dance wifey. He thanked me for replying, was understanding, and also apologized for making out with me too much even though I never brought it up to him. I went about my life and continued to go on other dates, though I haven’t met anyone I’ve truly clicked with yet.
There was a dance studio I had been wanting to try where I knew I could possibly run into this guy at, but the reviews were great and I wanted to start taking lessons, not to mention I didn’t see any other popular studios near me that taught this particular type of dance. Sure enough, I bump into him almost first thing. We casually chatted for a bit and I even asked if he was upset about me declining a second date. He joked that we were sworn enemies and I insisted we’ll have to have a dance battle to settle it. 😂 After my beginner lesson I danced with a couple of guys at the social dance, and during one last song before I went home my former date asked me to dance. It was just as fun as our date and the chemistry still was there(but perhaps in more of a platonic context now). I walked out that night thinking well at the very least I potentially have a cool dance friend.
The problem is, I have been daydreaming of him a lot. I had my reasons to decline a second date but the next week when I went to the studio I was wanting to talk/dance with him again and even found myself disappointed when he didn’t stop to chat with me. I’m confused with myself and wondering if I’m being delusional. I don’t want to be unfair to this person and string him along. It’s fully possible my recent failed dating stages have clouded my judgement, or I’m romanticizing the dancing aspect so much that I’ve forgotten the fact that I didn’t feel sure about us being compatible back when we had our date.
I have talked to my best friend about this but would love some unbiased opinions. Do I act on this and ask him out again, and explain that this time I want to move slower? Or do I trust that my gut was right the first time and either leave this person alone or try and find another studio?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Ask him oit on the second date. Let him know that you felt that you were going too fast and you’d like to try it at a slower pace with him if he’s interested
Well, you went on a first date and learned that maybe his jokes aren’t on the same wavelength as yours. That’s what dating is about after all is learning what you want and what you don’t want in the next person.
You also went on this date without really knowing this person so I’m sure a second date would suffice for you to know if you have genuine chemistry, but if all he wants to do is be romantic in a physical context then I would ask him what he’s looking for….and make sure you voice what you’re wanting out of the date itself.
Are you looking for a serious relationship or a casual connection? There’s lots of room for context to grow on both sides.
It’s easy to romanticize someone and I’m sure that’s what you’re doing now! The idea of someone especially new can be very inspiring and exciting….But there’s lots of questions for you to ask yourself and him if you wanna pursue this.
Interesting. This is what I’d do – do you still have his number? I’m assuming you do, so I’d text him and keep it super light. Say something like, “Well, now that we’ve settled our sworn enemy rivalry with a dance battle, I was thinking of going back to XYZ place. Want to go with?”
That’s going to tell you everything you need to know.
>found myself disappointed when he didn’t stop to chat with me
He may have already moved on, but you can’t know that until you reach out and see what happens.
And just something that I do – unless someone says something seriously egregious or I get a weird, serial killer vibe, I usually always agree to a second date. People get so nervous on first dates and I like to form an opinion after the second date. And yes, I’ve been in a few situations where I nope’d out quickly. I got a seriously weird vibe from one guy and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Another time, before drinks had arrived, one date literally said, “You know, the n-words and the <insert slur for asian people here> are causing the destruction of society as we know it, but especially the n-words.”. I didn’t say anything back. I think I blacked out for about a minute. But once my brain rebooted, I just stood up, put on my coat, picked up my purse, and left. But for dates that don’t make me think my bones will be made into windchimes or I might find a Klan robe in his closet, I always give a second chance.