Location: Kentucky
I think I need to get a protective order against my (ex)partner for my safety and the safety of my dog.
My partner (56M) and I (32F) have been together, unmarried for 10 years. I love him so much, but he has always had a temper and been very controlling. I have always hidden or defended some of his behaviors from friends and family, making excuses and downplaying severity, because I love him and don’t want to hurt his reputation or life. Finally, after the most recent violent incident and speaking with therapists and other survivors, I realize now that his behaviors have been emotionally, financially, and physically abusive. He is also physically abusive to our dog at times and neglectful of the dog’s medical needs, putting the dog in potentially dangerous situations to extort whatever he wants from me.
2 weeks ago, the last time I saw him, he forcibly took my keys to our business and home and tried to kick me out of our home. During his rage, he slammed my arm/hand in a door and grabbed my wrist, leaving bruises and swelling. He also jerked our dog around the house roughly by the leash. Then he took our dog and my keys and fled the state (without the dog’s medication and regard to upcoming treatment appointments). I did not file a police report at this time or seek medical attention, as I was in shock and still did not want to cause him any trouble. I did document my injuries with my personal camera and sent them to a friend. I have hidden the injuries from our friends and family so far.
He continues to be MIA and unresponsive to me or our friends and family regarding his whereabouts. I only know where he is because of some investigation on my part. After about 10 days of being missing, he finally contacted me with pseudo-legal documents asserting his terms and intentions to take our apartment, business, and dog from me, which is devastating, because these comprise my entire life. He has also been shutting off utilities to our apartment while he is gone in an attempt to force me out. This is all complicated by his control of our finances, because most things are in his name only, even though I pay him. He is essentially holding my access to my livelihood (keys to our business) and our dog hostage to extort compliance from me.
He is a very intelligent, successful, and manipulative person. He is very careful not to put anything incriminating in writing or exhibit his abusive behaviours toward me in front of witnesses. Our friends and family, whom I have spoken to all know better and support me, but they’re not primary witnesses. I don’t know how to prove his threat to my safety to the court. I fear his return and how he will behave towards me, but I also don’t want to abandon my entire life to him and lose everything I have to go stay in a shelter or something. Although he is harassing me with threats/demands to destroy my things if I do not comply with his terms, he will not disclose his plans to return home, so I have been living in fear for 2 weeks that he could walk in at any moment.
If I file a police report now, two weeks later, about this incident, does that mean anything? Do my photos mean anything if there were no witnesses? How can I authenticate them? Is there anything I can do now to expedite this process, or do I need to wait for him to hurt me again and then document more effectively? If I do successfully get a protective order for myself and my pet, how will this be enforced? Especially if the pet is in his possession.
Please help. Thank you!
Comments
No one can say for sure what the police will do. There’s no 100% you need x, y, z before it happens. But it starts with reporting to them.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. First, stop reaching out to him. Do not call or text. Do not send messages via third parties.
Take your time and make a bulleted list:
On or about DATE, NAME (insert action here).
Ex: On or about DATE, the last time I saw NAME, he forcibly took my keys to both our business and our home. During this incident, NAME attempted to remove me from our residence against my will.
Ex: On or about DATE, NAME slammed my arm/hand in a door and grabbed my wrist, causing bruises and swelling.
Ex: On or about DATE, NAME roughly jerked our dog around the house by the leash.
List every time he has been violent towards you or threatened violence – most recent incident first.
Reach out to local domestic violence organizations and see if they can help you apply for a protective order. If they have legal resources, review the list with them as well as the photos. This link has contact information on the last page – that may be a good place to start.
Domestic Violence Protection Order Booklet
One DV assault two weeks ago might be sufficient to justify a civil DV protective order. But in general, those are made to prohibit a limited set of a respondent’s rights to speech, travel, and association in order to prevent ongoing harassment and threats to physical safety.
You can report the assault to police. You don’t need independent witnesses or medical evidence. But they might not be able to do anything in the near term: you don’t know where he is.
>he continues to be MIA
So he’s not harassing, threatening, or communicating with you except for business and legal matters. Correct ?
A DV protective order could exclude him from your shared home, at least for as long as it takes him to have his attorney terminate your tenancy and evict you.
But it’s not going to order him to restore utilities, or to take care of the dog, or to do anything with regard to the business. DV protective orders are not a substitute for family law, business law, or landlord/tenant law dispute resolution.
A DV protective order is unlikely to address ownership or “custody” of a family pet, if he doesn’t have to come near you to affect the pet.
>how will this be enforced
You will call the police if he contacts, threatens, harasses, or otherwise violates the conditions of the order. They will arrest him and put him in a steel cage until a judge considers his release or his sentence.
There is no cost to apply for a DV protective order, and generally no penalty to you if it is denied.