I really like this girl – however I’m fairly certain she’s a virgin, I’m not sure she’s dated we haven’t talked about it yet. I’m 21 she’s 20.
Issue is, my body count is like 8ish (6 if you don’t count where we didn’t fully have sex and the time I was way too intoxicated to consent lmao)
It’s that high because I have definitely had manic episodes – periods of hypersexuality and extremely reckless behavior and then I go into a deep depression after. Majority of them were one night. I hate myself for it I wish I waited till marriage.
Should I lie and tell her 3 or 4 or something? My body count is not reflective of my character, I’m not manic right now and I’m not some man slut who sleeps with everybody either. I know who I am at heart and I’m a very loyal person and despise hookups I’ve just struggled severely with mental illness in the past. Thinking about my sexual past makes me hate myself lowkey. I feel gross and wish I never gave them access to my body
Option A – explain to her my mental illness and past and that i’m healed (which will probably turn her off)
Option B – lie
I don’t want to lie but I also know i might lose her bc of this. I really like her, she’s everything I want in a girl and we get along great.
Comments
Just be honest.
Put yourself in her position.
Would you want your relationship started out on a lie?
If you lie, it’ll eat at you and ruin the trust before it even builds. Just be honest in a way that shows you’ve grown, not in a way that begs for pity.
Body count? What the fuck. lol.
Don’t lie.
Never start a relationship with a lie. It always comes back eventually to bite you in the ass, no matter how small it is.
Be honest.
Lie
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I respect the self-awareness. If this girl is truly someone you want a future with, honesty (Option A) is your best bet. Maybe you don’t have to spill every detail right away, but lying sets the wrong foundation. The right person will appreciate your growth and vulnerability.
If you really like her, then there’s no reason to pretend to be someone else.. just be honest and be yourself. I’d get even more pissed if I found out someone lied
Lmao this is ridiculous. Be decent human being and stop obsessing over sex. If you’re the right one for her, she will let you know.
Be honest with her.. don’t ever lie about this thing if you want have good relationships with her.
I would be upfront about the mental illness side of things and how it affects you, but you don’t have to tell her your body count. If she doesn’t ask it’s none of her business just like it’s no guys’s business what a woman’s body count is. People that think it’s their right to know someone’s body count is just weird to me.
Never lie.
Do you want to start your relationship out on a stupid lie?
I never tell anyone my body count and I never ask them theirs !
That information is nobodies business.
Just say you don’t believe in it.
Never base your relationship on lies. (even more if you’re serious about it)
Small lies tend to create bigger lies and your whole relationship will be a huge lie.
Don’t lie. Never and ever.
Be always honest with your partner.
Without trust, a relationship can’t exist
Coming from a FEMALE… BE HONEST! I’d spilt up with someone if they lied to me about it. One lie turns into another and so on! I’d be more understanding if you were honest than if you lied.
Why are you guys talking about body count? Unless either of you are concerned you carry something?
I wouldn’t even have this conversation. I lie because I don’t remember.
I don’t understand why “body count” is the phrase used. You haven’t murdered anyone.
Ffs.
They say the truth will set you free but most of the time it only gets you into trouble
I think you should tell her if she asks you about it. Some people are curious about their partner’s past, and others doesn’t want to know at all because it makes them uncomfortable. But if she asks, definitely don’t lie.. it might hurt her feelings at first, but if you lie and she finds out, she’s just gonna get hurt multiple times and not trust you
As someone who has bipolar disorder myself, I’d not lie about it.. I know it puts you in a very vulnerable spot but if you really want a long lasting relationship with her, I’d be transparent. Yes, she could have prejudice over mental illnesses or bipolar, but honestly if it’s a no no for her, she’s not the right fit. And there are people out there who will love you just the way you are.
Also, even when you’re medicated, things like stress can still trigger episodes theoretically.. so it’s also important she learns about the warning signs and can reach out to support if it’s needed so you don’t go fully manic again.
Wish you good luck ❤️
Why the fuck would you ever need to disclose or discuss your body count?
I’ve got an issue with ‘Option A’
> explain to her my mental illness and past and that i’m healed (which will probably turn her off)
First issue, you don’t want to lie – it’s the entire reason you’re seeking out advice. As a ADHD depressed individual, I’m unsure if you’re lying to yourself, or you’re trying to make it seem like less of a big deal saying your mental illness in the past and that you’re healed. It is something you will live with, and thrive with, and need to continuously be mindful of – it’s something we manage, not something we get cured from.
That said – I’ve found expressing my long standing therapy, sharing how my mental health has impacted my decision making and attitude, and how far I’ve come has the exact opposite effect of turning a woman off. I would say more often than not, I get feedback that it’s part of attracted them to me in the first place. For one, it’s being vulnerable, which my friend if you want good intimacy, good for all parties involved to be vulnerable. Secondly, it shows your self-awareness, and it means that you show up for yourself, and will be able to show up for her as well.
If this is a person that won’t love you because of your mental health and having a sexual history, this may be a good person to lose.
You can’t go into a relationship with lies. If she can’t accept all of you, even your past manic episodes, she’s not the one.
If you lie you don’t like her enough. Let her make her own choices.
Don’t ask don’t tell. Nothing good comes from asking or telling.
Has she even asked? It’s ok to say you’ve had sex before. You don’t have to launch into an explanation of everything you’ve ever done.
Do not lie. If you get serious and she finds out you lied to her that is so much worse than being upfront about it now.
Guys care about body count, women not so much
1 – don’t lie. 2 – body count is irrelevant. It doesn’t define who you are as a person. 3 – have you talked to a doctor about bipolar disorder?
No. People have pasts. If you like her, don’t start a relationship with a lie. Also, don’t even touch on the subject unless you can truly handle her answer.
8ish is fine for a 21 year old male, or 6ish I suppose if we’re just gonna overlook the rape and whatever other experience you had that was worth mentioning but not something you consider sex.
Who knows, she may answer “oh that’s not too bad, I was expecting more, mines 14, or 13ish if not taking into account the insert unfortunate traumatic experience here.
Ok first, never lie. That’s a lack of respect towards your partner. I understand you really like her and want the same back but it’s a very selfish act to lie to get someone to like you. She either will or she won’t and you have to be ok w that.
So honesty 100% , but that doesn’t mean you have to disclose your mental health history which I also discourage this soon into it.
It can be as simple as “my body count is higher than I would like it to be and doesn’t reflect my relationship to sex or my values. My relationship with sex has changed a lot in recent years and it’s something I value a lot more now” or whatever feels right to you.
I did the same thing during a hypomanic episode and held a LOT of shame around it for so long but then I realized relationships w sex can grow and change as we grow and change. And if someone isn’t willing to accept that then they don’t get access to me. But I won’t ever lie about it to someone because that’s doing a disservice to BOTH of you.
Ps everyone I’ve told that to (“my body count is higher than I would like it to be and doesn’t reflect my relationship to sex or my values. My relationship with sex has changed a lot in recent years and it’s something I value a lot more now”) has been very understanding of this.
Only if you want to. I would tell her you’re not a virgin, so if that’s important to her you won’t be compatible. I don’t think you owe her, or anybody, an exact number, I’d answer whatever questions you feel happy answering, and if she doesn’t like your answers/lack of detail then you can go your separate ways. Most people who wait until marriage don’t have good sex lives, don’t hate yourself. So sick of purity culture making adults feel bad for normal sexual behaviour.
Why lie?
Honestly 9 is not realllyy that “high”, ive met people that had 50-100 when I was your age
if you would not judge her if hers was the same amount, then she shouldn’t judge you either if she likes you and is understanding and is lifelong partner material and if you intend on having a lifelong relationship with her it won’t matter in the end as she’ll be your last, and you can make it romantic like that if you want, might sweeten it up a little bit
Sleeping with many people does not impact your ability to be in love and care and connect with another person emotionally and mentally (porn does tho so dont watch that too much),
if you know in your heart, it’s not going to impact anything with her, (like you’re a sex addict and or have commitment issues and don’t want to “be tied to one person”) then there should be no shame in it, it was what happened before you met her. Sex/attachment and love is very different
you don’t have to mention any mental illnesses or relate it to that,
we are human and have a drive for pleasure and dopamine and sometimes we just take the opportunities that arise while we are finding ourselves and what we want out of life
that may make her think that you might cheat and blame it on your mental illness acting up, so don’t phrase it that way haha talk about your mental illness as a separate topic