So a couple months ago, my GF and I started talking about experimenting sexually. One idea was trying a threesome/foursome, including exploring same-gender stuff. We set boundaries and agreed to keep communication open.
Fast forward: she brings in her friend T (M 38, firefighter, musician type). I was hesitant but agreed to meet and eventually participate. From the start, I had some big worries:
- Feeling like the third wheel.
- Her reacting more intensely with him than me.
- Her forming a bond with him outside of us.
Sadly, all of these happened. In the threesomes, she was way more focused on him, reacted way harder to him sexually, and I often felt ignored or humiliated. At times she’d literally forget about me until reminded. He came inside her (without us ever agreeing on that), and she kept saying it was the most exciting thing she’s ever done. Meanwhile, I felt broken and empty.
What made it worse: I later found out she was flirting with him privately, even though we agreed flirting should stay in the group chat. The final blow was a message she sent him: “if only I was single, I’d know what I’d do.” Seeing that crushed me.
Now I feel like an empty shell. She says she loves me, that it “meant nothing,” and promises not to do it again. But honestly, my trust is gone and I can’t stop replaying the humiliation in my head.
I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to salvage the 5 years we’ve been together. Part of me thinks I’ll never recover from this. Anyone else gone through something similar? How did you know whether to stay or walk away?