I’m 28M and my GF 27F have a bad sex life and it’s mainly controlled by her. It’s strictly off limits during her period (obviously) and ovulation so 2 weeks of the month are strict no goes.
For the remaining 2 weeks either she won’t really be in the mood or says no, which means we have sex probably once every 3 months when she agrees.
She isn’t very experienced so the sex is just bad and i’m always left disappointed and have really weak finishes as she likes the play it very cautious, eg extra thick condom and pulling out about 10 seconds before I finish and no round 2s because there’s a chance of pregnancy. There is no room for her views to change on this until after marriage she said.
I know there is a risk etc but with all these rules in place i’m just constantly focused on following them instead of enjoying the moment. Also she is inexperienced so it’s kind of bad from a logistical point too because i’ll need to constantly adjust her for positions etc or she’ll make awkward jokes or comments.
I know most of this can be corrected with more regular sex but we are just unable to do that so i’m just left in a situation of not enjoying it.
Our current run is about 7 months without sex, 5 months of it was due to her and 2 from me because I just don’t want to because it just feels like a time waste because I don’t enjoy it.
Do I tell her i’m not enjoying sex with her or is this something I should keep to myself?
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Dude say something. That’s just really out there I’ve never heard of something like this. Plus if you don’t communicate then how do you plan on this relationship working?
It honestly sounds like this is gonna kill your relationship if you say something just as much as if you didn’t say anything tho so be aware of that.
dude you should break up with her. obviously.
The question here it seems to me is whether you want to have a life with this person.
She is entitled to set her boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy. And you must respect those boundaries.
If the two of you are serious about marriage, then now might be a good time to talk to a couples therapist to see if you can work through this problem.
How well do the two of you communicate? Are you able to discuss issues and reach compromise in a reasonable and respectful manner?
It’s important to keep in mind that sex is a barometer of the overall health of a relationship. If there is tension in your relationship, then the sex will simply not happen.
Run from that relationship.
wtf bro, no
If you think things will change after marriage, you’re gonna be disappointed.
What does she say when you talk to her about it?
If she’s so scared of pregnancy, why do you only use condoms?
Break it off. You’re incompatible.
It sounds like she doesn’t know enough about her body or yours to even enjoy it herself. Speak up or forever be left either unsatisfied with her or having walked out the door. The only way anything ever changes is with communication and if communication doesn’t help, maybe you’re just not very compatible
You should break up while you have chance. This is not about just the sex itself, in any relationship, communication is essential. And so is sex. If you are in disagreement about these two important things at once, what could you possibly hope to achieve from this relationship? You should try to back off before you get more dependent on each other for anything. All the best.
Yeah. No brainer. Break up. Or enjoy her company and plantonic love foe a married life when it gets really dicey to divorce
This is no way to live. Especially with no kids I’d bail asap.
Leave her. Same situation as me except it turns out she was cheating and trying to make it seem like chronic pain was cause her sex drive to tank.
Longest we went was 4 months of no sex because I wanted to see how long it would take her to initiate. She Never did.
She is not suddenly gonna get more sexually active when or if you get married. If your libidos don’t match now they won’t improve over time, honestly it sounds selfish but you’re probably best breaking up over this as you aren’t compatible.
Either try and understand why she has such strict (and out of norm might I say) boundaries and if she really values whatever reason above you or not. If she does it’s pretty clear you’re just not compatible, but if it’s just something like “Can’t get pregnant before marriage” and you like her, just get married. Your girlfriend is not your wife bro, she doesn’t want to give you the milk so you buy the whole cow.
Personally, it really kills the vibe when someone you’re with just expects sex from you and thinks is entitled to your body. From what i’m reading, you sound very demanding of it and clearly incompatible. You don’t enjoy it because of her boundaries, you should end it and find someone else providing that you will respect their boundaries too…
Talk to your gf about it and if she’s not open to atleast a calm and potentially sexy conversation then maybe you guys should see a couples therapist or some shit idk
“You know that I love and care about you so much. And this relationship too. but something has been bothering me & I’ve been wanting to talk to you about our sex life actually. I’ve been feeling kind of unfulfilled for multiple reasons. Is there anyway we can improve this aspect of our relationship?”
u should definitely talk to her, but how u say it matters. Don’t frame it as “u’re bad at sex”, but more like “I’m feeling rlly disconnected n unsatisfied in our physical rel.” Be honest about ur needs, but also acknowledge hers. If sex is off- limits until marriage gor her, and that’s a hard boundary. U need to ask urself if that’s something u can genuinely accept long term. U both deserve intimacy that feels good n fulfilling. And its okay if that means having a tough conversation now to avaid deeper resentment later
Either propose and get ready for a baby or leave. She doesn’t want a baby out of wedlock which is fair.
Sex is one of the best things in a human lifespan for us to enjoy . Don’t spend your time on earth with no sex life . Find someone who u can enjoy sex with regularly
So firstly rude, you said she’s inexperienced and the joking is probably because she’s nervous and she’s still uncomfortable so that’s partly your fault. Sex is all about communication and it seems you have none. It’s nobody’s fault but you have to have patience and respect her choices and boundaries. Talk to her and find a middle ground and for the love of god please tell me you’re going down on her and are using both your hands and mouth for foreplay! She’s probably nervous and uncomfortable as well. If she’s not wet before sex you’re doing it wrong. Foreplay is an all day affair not just right before sex. You have to get her in the mood. So whisper in her ear. Tell her how she look pretty. You guys will get there! Communicate
Sounds like she’s using sex to get you to marry her. But that’s a huge part of a good relationship, you both have to be on the same accord. You might want to rethink being with her.
You’re completely sexually incompatible. It won’t get better, you can tell her anything you want. She doesn’t enjoy sex with you and won’t learn to. Break up.
If you do, you’ll go from some sex to no sex real quick as you guys will break up.
If it’s not working for you move on bro
Bro, nothing is going to change if you marry her, it will only get worse. Whatever her deal is she is not right for you. She needs someone who doesn’t enjoy sex. Bro get out of there. Your needs are not being met. And please do not marry her. You will regret it guaranteed.
You think it’s bad now?
Wait until you marry her!
Then you will consider this the good old days!
Awwwww… buddy… it sounds like she doesn’t like having sex with you either. Sorry to burst your bubble but you both don’t like having sex and together, usually that means you shouldn’t be together at all lmao. Good luck
I understand the fear of pregnancy- especially these days.
Do you want kids? If not, get a vasectomy.
I was in a similar relationship which ended in November and I wish that I recognised how unloved it was making me feel earlier so I could have been the one to end it on my own terms rather than going through the painful process of letting the whole thing slowly die
I might be projecting, but this is clearly very important to you and I think you need to ask yourself if this is something you will be okay with continuing in the next 10 days/weeks/months/years. If you don’t think she’ll change, it might be time to end things on nice terms
If you haven’t talked to her about it then talk to her. But be honest. And if she won’t hear you or do anything to work with you then you have a decision to make. Sexual compatibility is important. Not saying it’s always going to be what you want – but it is one of the reasons to be in a relationship. Otherwise – what are you?
Sounds like a break up situation. You both are sexually incompatible. You do know there are ways of having sex without PIV and you are guilty of not exploring that with her. She honestly sounds like a woman that wants to be married and have a sperm donor husband. You get to have sex until she is preggo then oops she is not into it anymore.
It’s best to go your separate ways .
Why do you feel like you should stay with someone when you are so blatantly sexually incompatible?
I’m assuming she’s not on birth control with your comment about not doing it during ovulation? Is it something she doesn’t want to go on?
Like a previous comment stated, it comes down to if you want the relationship to last. If so, sometimes you gotta have those sensitive conversations. If you decide to have the conversation, just approach it with kindness and try not to point fingers or blame. Sex is a fickle thing where any comment or action that makes someone self-conscious can really take a long time to get past (shoot, by husband wanted to finish a video game YEARS ago and I still am kinda salty thinking he’ll turn me down if I try again while he’s gaming).
Just be honest with how you’re feeling, and one of 2 things could happen. She’ll either try to fix it (won’t be perfect overnight), or she won’t try, and you just gotta ask yourself, “Can I live with this?”
Please don’t stay. That sounds like a miserable relationship.