Have you felt a deep need to have a kid? (and around what age?)
I was thinking how beautiful it is that some if not most women start to have the desire to have a kid at a young age or around the “best” age biologically and since it’s a job that takes two I was wondering if it’s a feeling men get too as I’ve never heard about it.
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Likely depends on the guy. I have friends who started wanting kids around 25. I’m mid 30s now and still never want one.
I wouldn’t say it was baby fever, but I was excited to have our first kid at 30.
I was also nervous as hell, terrified I’d screw up, and had no clue what to do, but I was definitely into it and very much convinced we were making the right choice.
Yes. After my first, I made active efforts to put more babies in there.
I know a lot of guys who has had strong longings to have kids. Sometimes stronger than their partners.
Personally I’ve had longings to have a family. Zero longings to have a baby though. I’d prefer if they came delivered as 5-year olds š
Some of us do. It started around 30 or so.
Tried like crazy as a coping mechanism after my youngest passed suddenly.
Being a father is the greatest blessing in life. Not looking for sympathy, just well wishes to you fellow dads.
Hell nah. I like my money too much.
Recently, yeah.
Yes, I did.
I have not.Ā
I can think of one friend who… I wouldn’t call it baby fever. More like he had an existential crisis in his early 30s.Ā
All the other guys I know have mostly stayed in their camps of wanting or not wanting kids.
Just had my second kid about a week ago at 38, spouse 39. One last real chance before she was in the older, potential complications age. I now have two boys who look like my clones w a couple of moms features sprinkled on.
Was driving earlier and had a random thought, out of the millions and millions of sperm over my life, and these two came out, itās crazy how lucky each person is in the process of being born.
I definitely did.
Only once in my whole life.
Some probably do, but i sure don’t. Never wanted one.
No, they get āI need an heirā fever.
Yes I used to get baby fever a lot, but I recognized that wasnt a good reason to have a child on its own
Its just hormones giving you urges, make sure its a choice you actually want long term including the responsibility
I have baby fever. But the desire only occurs to me when I entertain the idea.
Nick Cannon and Elon Musk.
I went through a phase where I was trying real hard then I found out I am sterile.
I did. Three cats instead.
No. I absolutely do not like kids and have never wanted any. I’m very happily child-free.
A lot of my guy friends have had it or get it, usually around the time they either find out they are really in love with the person they are with or about the time the propose. I was the odd ball in the friend group and forked out of pocket to get clipped at 23. I adore my friends kids, some of them anywaysā¦ the other ones are prime examples of why I made sure Iād never have any.
When do we change gears from wanting kids to baby fever?
I want kids of my own. Maybe that feeling would be stronger if I was married and had a house and generally felt secure and as prepared as possible.
If I had kids right now, it would not be ideal.
I’ve never wanted kids but have an increasing biological urge to make dad jokes. Since turning 40 I just see shit puns everywhere and sometimes can’t help unleashing them on teenagers at work. It’s like a sickness
I always wanted kids, but I had to get my career going and be financially set before; that logic overrides any emotional feelings. We had our first when I was 29, second just before I turned 32.
Some guys do. Some guys don’t.
I haven’t felt that. But it’s looking like I’ll have one in 6 months… so I’m terrified…
Absolutely. My wife and I initially didn’t want kids, mostly because we thought we couldn’t be good parents due to our own messed up childhoods, and that good kids and loving parents were a myth, but then we met some kids that were perfectly behaved little happy angels and parents that loved them truly, and the wheels started turning.
Many years later after we’d spent some time healing, I finally realized that if I wanted to be a good dad, all I had to do was decide to be better, to adapt to their needs as they change and grow. To give them the childhood I wish I could have had. The desire to raise a family burned hot in me after that, so I shared all this with my wife, and after a while of thinking on it, she decided to agree, and we have no regrets. Our kids often drive us nuts or bring us great laughter, and they love us so purely it’s incredible.
My favorite thing in the world now is seeing them grow and become their own people, overcome challenges, and use higher and higher thinking skills. Although my daughter hugging me and saying "I love you dad, you’re great" the other day just melted my heart, I’d been really grumpy and I really didn’t deserve that from her.
Dont think so. But it might be my interpretation of the term "baby fever". When i think of that term, i think of ppl having a need/want to have a baby that maybe wasnt there before; it was more of a suggestion. I hear it far more often that women who have previously said they dont want kids, switch to wanting to have them because of biological or mental need, the so called baby fever.
As far as ive seen, most guys ive talked to either want kids or dont and they decide that for themselves beforehand. I think most men dont really think abt "not being able to have kids" in the same way since sperm doesnt have time factor to it. U see 70 or 80yo men have kids pretty frequently
Eghh. I dunno. Personally I think kids are a bi product/end goal. Iām more so focused of finding someone that would make a worthy mother first. Then Iāll adjust my wants and needs at that point. I feel like too many people put the cart before the horse on this topic. Especially women.
Great you really want kids.
Wanna see if a chick wants one for selfish or selfless reasons? Ask her this.
āIn your opinion, what are the qualities of a good mother?ā
Yes, i do at the moment. 31M
That is a highly personal question. Iām 42/m, no kids. Never had any desire for kids. No single guy can answer that question for the rest of men.
Never wanted to have children and am delighted every time I think that I don’t. The only fever I’ve ever had is for more cow bell.
Yes, and it didnāt get better after the baby was born. The little shits too cute to just have one
Baby fever like some women say they get? Probably not to the same degree, but I knew from a younger age that I wanted to have kids. When my wife and I decided it was time, I know how excited I was, which was tempered by the difficulties we had. I know she had it harder with the disappointments, but when we did have our first, we were both equally happy. We liked it so much we were willing to go through it all again a second time. She opted to stop at two. While I agreed, I did want a third. Probably for the best though, knowing the issues we went through with both and the time it took, we would probably still have a teenager in the house right now. Two sons, 31 and 26.
Yes.
For me and the men in my social group, no (Iām 33). We all actively want to avoid having or raising kids. I personally knew I never wanted kids of my own when my sister was born when I was two and I saw how much work it was for my parents, and that feeling has just gotten stronger as Iāve aged.
Kids and religion are my two big dealbreakers (I donāt want either in my relationship).
Off and on in my late 20s and early 30s. I had already had 3 sons by this point, so I’m happy that I didn’t have any more. I don’t want babies anymore, but I wouldn’t mind a grandkid to hang out with. I mean so long as they can wipe their own ass. Those days are fucking OVER!
I got it at 32. I think a man has to meet a woman that he thinks will be a great mother for it to happen. Before I met my fiancĆ©e I didnāt even want kids. After being with her I canāt wait to have a kid with her.Ā
Personally? Fk no!
The need to form a family has always been there but that’s a commitment I’m not good enough to fulfill. Don’t want to be another terrible father/husband since I can’t provide for them so all that is just waning more and more each year
As a woman, OP, please consider that not all women have baby fever
In fact maternal instinct has been debunked as a myth
Long story short, itās an outcome of industrialization where society needed men to be available to work in the industries for long hours and in order to be available for that, convinced women of their Ā«Ā callingĀ Ā» as mothers. Then nazi / fascist ideology elevated motherhood to hero status
The more intolerant a society or system, the more they push for women believing that their life is incomplete without children
We give girls dolls and groom them into child rearing from when they are toddlers. Would they have baby fever otherwise ?
In 2025, we should accept all types of lifestyles
By the way Iām a mother
I got it when I saw my friends one by one have kids. It was more of a want for a family than just a child.
Thank god it didnt happen until later though. I would be miserable with my past relationships and being stuck with them. It was around the 30 mark when it happened
I do worry about a future with no kids or grandkids where I’m alone and don’t have anyone to look after me or check in on me or hang out with me regularly in my old age. I do desperately want to find a soulmate to spend the rest of my life with.
…but then I just go readĀ r/regretfulparentsĀ and I remember I would absolutely fucking hate all of the hard parts of raising a kid which is–let’s be honest–the vast majority of the process. I’m on the spectrum and even 25% of the bullshit parents have to put up with I definitely couldn’t handle. Plus what if my own kid ended up being severely handicapped? I feel like an asshole but I could never raise a child like that.
My guy friends who have kids certainly seem to genuinely want them however I never once heard them express a desire or "fever" over really wanting them, excluding one dude. Like none of them actively spoke about the subject or brought it up for any reason. So I wouldn’t say any of them had the fever.
I donāt think so. Menās reproductive instinct is far different from a womanās, though they are both designed to create offspring.
Yeah. It started when I was 18. Still going on 22 years later, especially on spring and/or summer. And I don’t even like kids.
Yes, I deeply wanted to be a father
Never even close. Quite the opposite. 32yo.
Nope
I attract them. Which is unfortunate, as Iām childfree.Ā
I don’t think men experience baby fever like women, but i can’t possibly be sure. I’d suggest guys who always knew they wanted kids is the nearest thing, it jusy isn’t the same intensity.
I had zero desire to get married or have kids until I met my wife. Many years later we have grand children.
I never did. Got my vasectomy booked. Some guys do. Everyone is different.
Happens sometimes when I play with kids but I never wanted an actuall baby. The min age was around 2-3 for me. Before that kids are too squishy and helpless.
Hey OP. Good question. 48 year old married father of two here.
I never had a deep emotional or physical need for children – not in the way Iāve heard some women describe it, like they feel an overwhelming need in their body and soul. (Frankly, Iām glad it exists – itās beyond me how my wife was perfectly willing to go through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding twice. But she was and Iām thankful for that)
Thing is though, I did have an instant and complete reaction once the first baby was born – it was like āOh my GOD this thing is so lovely – itās so small and warm and wriggly and helpless I just want to cuddle it and love it forever!ā. Same with the second.
Fact is, I loved the reality of gorgeous pink little babies so much, Iād have happily had loads moreā¦. But two children was enough for my wife and I physically and emotionally – so I had the snip.
Thatās me – I felt an element of baby fever, but it was after then fact, not before.
I certainly never did. Never once. I really don’t like being around little kids. They are mostly needy and annoying and brittle and they suck all the fun out of any adult event. As a kid myself, I never liked kids younger than myself. Yeah I’m a snob and an asshole so what. LIttle kids suck and I don’t want them around.
Like just about everything else, it depends on the person. Some people want to raise kids, some people donāt.
Yes, I seem to get a fever every time i interact with baby…. /j
As for every answer to questions like "Do [general group] something" the answer is some do, some don’t.
For the ones that do, i have noticed three distinct groups:
1) They really want to raise a kid and get their hands dirty and just see the lil thing grow and evolve
2) They really love their spouses and they really want a baby because that will make their spouse happy
3) They want a kid to be able to say that they have a kid but have no intention of actually putting in the work to raise the kid
Never have never will
A certain CEO apparently only likes babies. Ā Once theyāre kids, he sends em away.
Itās more that I want to pass on my genes š§¬and see a small version of myself that I can help in life.
I really really wanted kids but I married a single mum that didn’t want more kids.
She changed her mind and we had two.
Then she changed her mind again and left and I’m raising them alone.
I have absolutely zero regrets.
Personally, no. Mid 40’s, and I am blissfully happy living the life I live without them
30m. Not at all
i never did
Yes
It hit me when I was 25. Had a kid when I was 30. Love her to bits.
Yes for me, but one is enough.š¤£
Not sure I would call it ābabyā fever but having previously not been bothered there definitely came a point where I realised I would like to start a family with my wife.
Yes.
No but I believe genetically weāre programmed with a strong desire to make babies. A lot of babies. With a lot of different women.
I’ve never had any desire for children
Iām 42, I already have 3, and one of them is almost an adult already.
I donāt need goddamn baby fever, but Iām still feeling it sometimes, when I watch those stupid adorable videos of babies acting goofy.
God dammit.
Iām 36 and solo – every so often (like twice a year) I have a āmaybe kids would be okayā then I go hang with my friends with them or see one just screaming and crying on the ground in some public setting and that want is gone immediately with distain again.
Nope. As a guy I wish to have legacy, i.e., sons and daughters with similar values to carry on my family.
Of course, that requires babies. But I’m in no rush to make them. I’m well aware of all the work raising one well requires.
Honestly, I think somewhere deep in our brains, lust and that urge or impulse to want to hook up with someone is a form of baby fever, looking at it from a survival of the fittest/Darwin/caveman kind of thing.
But more realistically, yeah I do think itās a thing.
Personally I have never had that desire. If it wasn’t because of my wife, I would never have considered having children. We now have one kid and I have absolutely no desire to have one more kid (our kid is great, don’t get me wrong)
Im going to turn 35 this year and I still have 0 desire for kids, I don’t want that kind of responsibility for 18 years. I told my wife who initially agreed to no kids that if she strongly changes her mind then she needs to file for a divorce and find a different man because I’m not onboard.
I have kids past the baby phase now but I melt when I see a newborn.
There has not been a single moment in my adult life, where I even hesitated I ever wanted kids. Which is why I had a vasectomy.
Then again, I’m probably the exception rather than the rule.
Yes , I do
I never had it and never will. Kids are fine, but I don’t want to deal with the responsibilities, especially in these times. I also have some health issues that could arguably be passed on genetically, and I don’t want anybody to have to deal with the crap that I do. Regardless. I wish everyone out there who wants kids to have the best and happiest kids they can.
Yes.
I knew from a very early age (maybe 12-13) that I never wanted to have children. In 50 years, I have not once felt the urge and have not ever regretted my decision. My friends and family who have children all seem to be very happy and fulfilled but it just isn’t a road I have any desire to travel.
I’m kind of in that phase right now. I’m 37 and my oldest is turning 17 in a couple weeks. I think I’m having a panic attack about life without kids, which makes me wish I had another. Luckily, I got snipped 4 years ago because I knew I would be like this.
Sure. I get feverish at the mere thought of having kids. I even feel nauseous!
I get baby fever looking at my own baby. And then I hold my baby. And it’s cured.
Iāve never felt the urge to be a dad, Iāve just run out of excuses for my wife. She wants kids. Iām meh. I had good parents whom will help, I just donāt think Iāll be a good parent.
Yea, I never was much for it, but at 40 it hit me like a truck. I’m just glad I’m married and in a good spot to, because your monkey brain takes over, and in the middle of it all, you only have one goal, consequences are irrelevant
I definitely have been there. It hit pretty strong around 32-35. But, I realized that there will never be anyone who likes me enough to have kids with me, so I put the thought from my head. I mean, I really am miserable when I’m tired and kids have you tired… nay, exhausted, nearly 24/7. Same with getting married. I think I like the idea of someone loving me that much and being that committed, but lets be real, no one is that committed anymore and its literally just signing a contract with the government to stick their noses in your relationship.
Men get a deep need to have people around who admire them and need them. It’s not specific to infants and most men simply do not enjoy the infant experience because infants fucking suck.
Babies are cute and it’s a cool thing that they exist but they are a fucking nightmare.
Men have kid fever, not necessary baby fever. I donāt know many guys that like kids under the age of 1.
I (32M) really want kids. I wouldn’t call it a fever, but everything in my life currently is to build myself into a good father and setting myself up for a family.
I had more baby fever than my wife. Not that she didnāt want one, but I always wanted one more. Iām an only child raised for my dad so always thought I would be a good father as well. Ā We waited too long, I got married at 35, then did ivf and it didnāt work, I did all the injections and stuff and funded all of it. Now divorced with no kids. Iām in my 40s now and still want a kid but itās probably too late.Ā
Of course men have that too. Usually a bit later in life though
I guess, I didn’t used to want kids and I ended up help raise my goddaughter for a few years and it had a profound effect on me. I’ve unfortunately since then not had my own family for a variety of reasons but I want one even though my time is running out.
Yes
Im 27 and everytime I walk around town and a little kid smiles at me I melt and want one.
My best friend from HS was like that in grade 9, sadly it never panned out for him.
Not meā¦..in fact I was the exact opposite. The idea of being a father was so weird to me that I had a vasectomy to prevent it from happening š
I wanted to (and did) have children and there was a certain experience I wanted as a dad.
I didnāt have any kids until my late 30s, which meant that during my mid 30s, I couldnāt really screw around. I needed to have things in place.
So from 35 on everyone was geared toward āHow will this impact my kids? Is this helping me have kids? Will this help me be a dad?ā
I was married in my mid 30s, but my wife is 6 years younger so she wasnāt quite as āNOW!ā As me, but kinda?
It wasnāt necessarily āI want a baby and I want one now!ā It was like āI want a baby and for me to do that the way I want I have to thread the needle over the next few yearsā
It all worked out.
My baby fever journey was an interesting one (at least to me). In my early 20s I wouldnāt even look twice at a woman pushing a kid in a stroller. In my mid 20s I would notice a number of āyummy mummiesā pushing kids in strollers. By my late 20s I was noticing the cute babies before the hot moms. Thatās when I knew I was ready to have kids.
Yes.
I started getting a longing to have children at 29. I’m 31 now and have made it a critical thing with my partner that if she isn’t onboard with that soon then I’ll leave.
I don’t want to be an old dad, and don’t want to be older than 36 by the time I have two.
I’ve always wanted children, though circumstances haven’t worked out for me.
Maybe. I sure as hell never have!
When my wife and I married 40 years ago, we had a plan to start our family and agreed to wanting 3 kids. I was into it as much as she was and was there for all 3 in the delivery room.
I was excited with each one, including late evening drives, to find her cravings. We had fun with those.
I don’t know any men who had baby fever.
I personally always wanted kids, and it was a deal breaker with my Mrs. She told me in our 20s that she didn’t want kids. I said i respected it but if we hit 30 and she didn’t want kids then I couldn’t stay.
Thankfully when her best friend had kids she got baby fever.
I grew up being taught to put a glove on it, so the idea of coming inside, even with my wife who is totally on board with making a baby, is still taboo. Itās a mental hurdle to get over, and even after thereās the feeling of āwhat did I just do?ā As I write this, Iām eagerly waiting for my first child to finish pooping so I can change her diaper, so I think the frat is good because it sets me up for the opposite joy of fatherhood.
Edit: fear not frat. That would be a very strange hazing ritual lol