When I was 14 I told my Nmom I skipped a meal and hadn’t eaten the whole day after she had made me cry, and she just went “oh poor you” in a mocking tone and blamed it all on me. She has thrown me on the floor and punched me repeatedly when I was 12-13, never got an apology for that either. Just a “are you still mad at me?” while laughing and when I answered yes she just blamed me for pissing her off and “making her do that even though she hates doing it”. She’s told me “I deserve it” right after being assaulted when I was 14. And guess what? never got an apology for that. She’s (literally) SCREAMED at me at the top of her lungs and hit me for a bad grade. When I say screaming, I mean people were literally turning their heads and looking at me with fear (yes because she was doing this in her car with the windows rolled down. You’d think I had gotten either expelled or killed someone and she had to hide the body). I have an audio recording of her screaming and i literally can’t listen to it without crying. She never apologized for that in case you couldn’t guess. Matter of fact she said she’d do worse to me if I ever got a bad grade again. She’s threatened me saying “when we get your report card they’ll never be able to pull me off of you, all the anger I’ve been building up until that day is going to be let out on you just you wait”. No guilt. Last time she (jokingly) apologized was more than 12 YEARS AGO because she had beat me after she caught me not putting my pyjamas fast enough. I was a toddler. Like around 4-7 kind of toddler. She’s told me to my face “you have no right to have privacy”. Still no guilt. She’s made it clear she hates me and has read through my messages and recently found messages where I was talking about how much I hated her and planned on cutting her off and she still refuses to question herself and blames ME for hating her. She clearly prefers my brother over me and he even noticed it and called her out for it. Still, no guilt, no self reflection, nothing. But she’s convinced she’s a good mom (she got in an argument with my brother where he called her a bad mom and she started giving reasons as to why shes a GOOD MOM???), he also told her to her face “you’re a narcissist” yet she refuses to self reflect. She just thinks she’s generally a good and generous person. Do narcissists ever feel guilt? How the fuck do I wake her up and tell her she’s a narcissist in a way that will ACTUALLY go through her head and make her self reflect and seek professional help???
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That’s the thing about narcissists, they don’t feel remorse. In their fantasy world, they’re always right and can do no wrong. If they hurt somebody, the victim “deserved it”, “was asking for it”, “made them do it” and other dumb excuses. They lack self-reflection, have no empathy and will not feel it (though, they can fake it perfectly to seem like good people in front of strangers and acquaintances). Narcissism is incurable, sadly, and there is no waking up for them. It hurts, i know, but the earlier you realize that people like this won’t change no matter what you do or say, the faster you can start your healing process.
I just want you to know that what she did to you is not in any way your fault and you should never be the one to blame. What happened to you was unfair and you deserved to be treated right. She is a monster and i hope one day she gets what she deserves. And i wish you healing and luck on this journey.