I’m 33 and trying to keep an open mind, but it feels like everyone is either on dating apps or already in a situationship. I miss the idea of meeting someone in the wild… at a bookstore, café, mutual friend’s party, whatever.
Is anyone actually still meeting people offline? Or am I just romanticizing the past?
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Plenty of people meet in real life, apps just give you another option.
I met my partner through mutual friends when we went as a group midnight bowling. But that was 11 years ago 🤷🏻♀️
My brother met his girlfriend 2 years ago at his work.
There’s nothing wrong with using apps. You have to put yourself out there or have a group of people you hang out with (with extra people who come and go) if you want to meet someone irl organically
I dont know many people using the apps but even those who do tend to meet their person organically.
I met my partner doing volunteer work.
All my relationships/situationships in the past ten years have been a connection made thru an app. Besides one, and it was the most significant/longest, we met through work
My sister met her only relationship in the past 10 years on an app
I wish I could meet people organically, but as I age, I find the opportunities less and less. Sure I could put more energy into getting into the places where organic is more likely. But apps are less energy and I can do it from home
I don’t see anything nothing wrong with meeting on an app, what issue do you have with it? It can be fun!
I’ve met some partners on apps and didn’t have any issues with it but I am starting to feel a little bummed about my single status with no interest in downloading apps so hopefully in person!
I know people who have met organically in the last few years
I met my husband organically, but we met in 2014 and started dating in 2015. I feel like a lot has changed in the last 10 years, so idk.
I see people giving you very aspirational answers.
The hard truth is there’s probably 20x more meeting on apps than meeting irl. I saw this consistently even among my most actively social friends. (And I say this as someone who met my partner IRL. It took four years of heavily socializing to meet three people IRL, two of whom were duds.) If you meet your partner IRL it’s the exception not the rule, and I think keeping one eye on the apps is worth doing. If you exclusively want to meet folks IRL, it will happen eventually, but likely along a much longer timeline.
I met my partner online, but not in a dating app. We joined our city’s local discord server around the same time just meet other people in the city in general and hit it off online, exchanged numbers, then had coffee, then a few proper dates.
Been together almost 18 months now.
Several of my friends met their partners through mutual hobbies or our mutual friends parties. My guy friend last month married the woman who I’ve been trying to set up with for years, but they weren’t having it at the time so we left it alone. They bonded during all of us doing volunteer work, having teams for alzheimers and aids walk in their own.
I only seem to meet people when I travel. The rest of the time it’s apps.
I have been “internet dating” since 1993. Back when meeting someone in the internet meant you had like, two phone lines. And crazy-fast download speeds. Basically, rich, white dudes going to college.
And then, I stopped using the internet when even homeless dudes could log into Plenty of Fish… And eHarmony was a scam waiting to be exposed.
So I said, “Fuck it if they don’t have $20 to meet me at a live music show? I am NOT interested.” And I met a ton of hookups at music and museum events. I picked partners because they smelled good, had chemistry with me, and actually WANTED to get it on.
And then in 2019ish, I traveled internationally, and used Tindr to meet AMAZING people for coffee, for beer, for sex! And it was all app based. It made the in-person hook ups feel childish.
Notice the around and around? There is NO correct answer.
I have been with my husband for five years. I met his best friend on a Covid Cruise. We were locked down for weeks. And the BEST Friend said, “You really should meet This Guy….” And then we met. And we have been together ever since. It was a perfect storm of all the things.
I’m 50 and I almost never met dates organically, I met them online. First through online chats and then through dating apps.
I met my partner at a board game meetup
Met my current partner at the gym 🙂
App use is actually going down afaik. Might just mean people aren’t meeting at all
I think yes but you have to be intentional about putting yourself out there and be okay with wasting a lot of time when you don’t meet people that click.
I met my partner through a mutual friend and eventually connected at one of their baby showers lol it happens
30f ~ every single person I’ve ever dated has been because I met them organically. It’s the only way I ever will, dating apps aren’t for me. It’s entirely possible. Keep exploring yourself and keeping an open mind and heart.
I met my bf organically in February of this year (well we did meet briefly 3 years ago as well, again organically through work) … and immediately hit it off. We are deeply into each other and this is the most open, honest, mature, respectful, mutually fulfilling relationship either of us has ever experienced. 💖
Everyone says to meet through hobbies, but from what I’ve seen, that’s difficult.
People also say to ask your friends to set you up with their friends, their partners’ friends, etc. And I do think that’s a good idea in general. But the thing about being in your 30s is that most people are already partnered. In 2020, only 23% of Americans aged 30-49 were single, compared to 41% of Americans aged 18-29 (source). Of my friends’ friends and my friends’ partners’ friends, most of them are either already partnered, or live very far away, or are incompatible genders/sexualities.
I’m not saying that meeting in real life can’t be done. I’m sure it does still happen to some people. But the more I’ve done the things that everyone says to do (hobby groups, meeting friends of friends, etc.), the more I realize that there are some good reasons that dating apps were invented.
I’m actually hanging out with two of our best friends that I randomly responded to on an app because they lived in our neighborhood.
However, every other friend is an “organic” friend that I met irl.
For those younger than me, I highly expect more online interactions.
The last date I went on was because he approached me in person, at a local coffee shop, at 7am on Sunday. I was sitting journaling with my affirmation cards in literal plaid pajamas and Birkenstocks. He was on his way to the gym but turned back around and came in to the coffee shop then approached me. It does happen! Probably depends on where you live though. I’m in nyc so it’s pretty common to be surrounded by many single people
I thought I magically met my person online but we’re just friends now 😅
apps are just an online meeting place. people irl are also the same people who are online — there’s no separate species. in person, you wouldn’t know a person’s hobbies, career and educational background, what they’re looking for in a relationship, etc.
people romanticise irl dating way too much.
The ability to meet someone in-person depends on how social you are. I wanted a bookstore meetcute so bad, but I met my wife online. Do you even talk to people at the bookstore? If not, chances are low. It’s a lot of putting yourself out there and talking to strangers which isn’t as common with our age group as it was in the past.
When I look around me, there are a lot of meetings made via apps… Even for super sociable friends. It also depresses me because I hate dating apps too. Until now I have always met in real life (a brother’s friend, work) but as I reach 31 soon I have the impression that one day I will have to resolve to go on these sites… However the difficulty is that I cannot go beyond the photos which are rarely advantageous among men (and it is perhaps the same thing for me because I hate photos) and I am always too lazy to talk about them… So I still hope to meet in real life although it might take longer
I went 15 years between instances of getting asked out on a date irl.
I’m dating someone I met irl, but I was doing OLD most of the time I was single. Think of each of them as a supplement to the other.
People do. The people who I know in their 30s who have fall into three categories: into drinking culture, meet as coworkers, or reconnect with someone from ages ago.
I met my (second) husband on an app. I am wildly in love with him 4+ years in, but I got lucky. And had met him in person once, which I didn’t know when we matched but figured out quickly. I was aggressively mean to him the first time we met and he barely remembers I was there but remembers both of the women I was there with (one of whom was in my wedding party). Sometimes life is weird.
I guess my point is that you shouldn’t entirely give up on any avenue if you really want to find someone.
I totally get what you’re saying I’ve tried apps (briefly, last year), and I quickly realized they’re just not for me. I do much better meeting people organically. “In the wild,” as you put it, I’ve actually connected with some great people who’ve become friends. There’s something about real-life interaction that just feels more genuine to me. So no, you’re not just romanticizing the past it still happens.
I met my boyfriend through our mutual hobby, D&D. We were friends for months and he impressed me with being a really good friend before I realized my feelings about him and said something. The trick to meeting people in person is to pretend to be extroverted and make plans with people.
Apps essentially set up a blind date, but I feel like the apps and people constantly swiping puts a weird, artificial pressure on the first few dates. The last time I found an actual relationship with someone from online, it was old school OkCupid in 2010–before it was even an app and you had to go home and login on your computer.
It’s certainly possible, but there are fewer and fewer opportunities as you get older. I’ve met dates both IRL and on apps and while I prefer the pacing and organic nature of IRL connections, they haven’t been any more compatible than connections I made through dating apps.
I met my partner through work. He was the flatmate of a direct colleague, and he worked for the same company in a different location. We hung out as friends the first few times before we started actually dating. I think that’s the route in. Don’t go looking for people to date, go looking for friends and see if it naturally blossoms into something more.
Everyone I have ever been in a serious relationship with I met in the wild. The last two people one I met at a bookstore and the other at a cafe. For me the key has been making a low level opening to start a conversation, asking about the book they’re holding or just smiling and saying something mundane and positive as a throw away remark. This simply indicates an openness to speak because in so many public places people do not know it is OK to start a conversation. The ROI is a lot lower than dating apps but if it turns into a second meeting it usually goes well because in a way you’ve already had a mini-date and established some sort of rapport.
My experience from when I was dating A LOT:
I met men in grocery stores, on the street and at the gym. All first dates I had from these encounters pretty much sucked because they were hot or I was attracted but they were way too young or just not compatible (big thing is I don’t drink and they would be partiers).
Made me prefer online dating because I could weed out incompatibilities and get some sense of who they were before a date. So maybe I wouldn’t be attracted but I generally had a better first date in terms of conversation and connection.
Met my husband on Tinder.
I get the romantic idea of meeting organically but honestly the reality of that just didn’t come to be for me. Maybe in shared hobbies more likely (tbh best dates from non online sources were CrossFit gym because we shared that at least)
I was reading in the park yesterday and a man approached me, I go to that park for some 5y, it is once in a 5y event, I look forward to my 10th year in the area ^^
I’m a nurse and so many people be f** each other meeting at work
I meet my husband on an app a few years back. However what I often found is that a lot of people that I would meet irl during hobbies, socials, events were also on the apps. This helped a lot with first connections as I already knew them from somewhere and now I knew they were single and available to date. I will be honest I met my spouse before I turned 30 so I’m am a few years removed from the dating scene
All of my serious relationships have come from happenstance meetings:
I think people do default to the apps when they’re on the hunt for a relationship, but that’s probably stemming from having fewer situations where you get to interact with new people regularly enough to make an impression. In my experience, decent relationships have grown out of a basis of friendship and mutual rapport. If you put yourself in those situations and are open to things coming out of it, who knows what can happen?
Meeting “in the wild” after 30 seems to happen best in medium-sized metro areas of 1-3M (think Columbus, Pittsburgh, Raleigh, etc.).
They’ve got enough population of single folks in their 30s, but are still small enough that there are just a handful of venues to do XYZ (whatever your thing is) and easier to get around than a major metro. So you run into the same people at those venues which you need to become a familiar face then grow into friendships/relationships. My friend who moved from Chicago to Columbus in her 30s said it’s exponentially easier to make friends there for this reason – she sees the other fans of this music or that hobby at the same handful of places all the time.
Like, so much easier that I bumped into several people I knew while getting dinner during a 2-day business trip to a medium-sized metro which I have not lived in for more than 10 years.
If you’re in a big metro area, all the early 30s singles are spread across the city, inner and outer suburbs, so you both have to be willing to drive for anything to get started. My now-husband and I were thankfully on the same side of our city, so it was only a 30 min drive instead of 60+ to see each other.
I wait tables on nights and weekends. I’ve been on quite a few dates through that, but only a couple of good dates that way.
The trick to meeting organically is to actually leave your house/place of work to go be social. I stopped being social a few years back and now I’m in a rut of work, sleep, repeat. Mr. Right is going to have to break into my house and present himself at this rate.
I’m the same age and I didn’t date for 5 years due to a lot of anxiety reasons until I finally caved and made a bumble then reconnected with someone from high school on there. It ended terribly and he was cheating a lot so I immediately redownloaded the app when we broke up. I swiped for a few days and then found myself just bawling my eyes out and deleting it cause I was still so upset over my ex and everyone I saw on there kinda sucked. Literally the same day I deleted it my friend introduced me to someone in person that I talked to for a month, then she introduced me to another person. Then the most recent person I’ve been dating I met at a bar through mutual friends. So ever since I deleted it I’ve had a lot of luck in the wild. I think taking it away as an option completely is pretty helpful.
I met my husband on an app. For a while, I was also really set on the idea of meeting someone organically, having a meet-cute, having a great “so how did you two meet?” story, etc. But, I met my person and that’s really all that matters. Couldn’t ask for a better partner.
The way I see it, if you meet someone in the wild, you know nothing about them. You don’t even know if they’re looking to date. You just think they’re hot, likely. On the apps, you get at least a general run down on if you have things in common enough to meet up in person. It’s also easy to weed out a lot of red flags when you’re just chatting.
I’ve never used an app, but social media. It’s hobbies by proxy, and people don’t use it exclusively to date, so they’re not selling the most dateable version of themselves.
There’s definitely ways to meet organically, but being incredibly social and consistently ready to meet someone and put yourself out there can be taxing. Just take care of yourself.
The last 6 men I’ve dated/slept with I’ve met in the wild. I either met them at work (1), at a bar with friends (3), or through mutual friends, like at a party (2).
My relationship was a set up with mutual friends ♥️
I met my bf organically through an adult hobby rec league. we’re coming up on 1 year soon
Make sure youre intentional about getting outside. I didnt meet my bf until I made sure I had 3-5 personal hobbies, with 2 of them ensuring I got out of the house to do them on a weekly basis.
I made this rule for myself with the goal of meeting more people, solidifying my personal boundaries, putting myself first etc. I also wanted to be better about not flaking and making commitments to friends and building more community and skills!
The 3-5 hobbies with 2 forcing you to leave the house 1x/week each thing also works really well for break ups! For example these hobbies might look like:
My bf liked that I was independent, had lots of interests, was innately curious, and I think it kept him on his toes a lot that I had plans every weekend. It forced him to be intentional and ask clearly for my mine in advance because if he didnt he knew I’d 100% fill my free time with something else