Do people ever accused you of yelling because you’ve said something they did not want to hear and maybe with a tone of slight irritation or seriousness.
I feel like we’re in a gaslighting phase where people are not afraid to whip out the phrase “stop yelling ” even when no one has really raised their voice. It seems to be a gut reaction to shut down things you dont want to here. It’s seems immature but also totally incorrect…
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I have found the exact behavior to back out of a conversation to be true.
I think my voice just projects loudly (/I guess I naturally speak loudly?), and I am also a passionate individual who cares deeply about the environment. So often when Im speaking about this topic, especially since its been such a frustrating thing for me to watch humans destroy our planet over the past couple decades, I often get the “stop yelling” from whoever I’m talking to about it haha.
It might be valid though, I dunno, its hard to tell when I’m the one speaking and I’m all caught up in the topic.
But also, I think people do get defensive because taking environmental action is usually inconvenient to peoples lifestyles, so people dont want to hear about it or just dont care, sadly.
Tell them you’d be happy to repeat what you said more slowly and quietly.
“You. Are. An. Asshole.”
It’s funny. I have a colleague who actually does lose his shit and yell at people, or if he doesn’t literally yell he gets very emotional and angsty and steamrolls people rudely and shuts them down. But then if someone speaks to him in a firm but calm way, and with a slight tone of annoyance and barely more than a half a click volume louder than normal, he accuses them of YELLING. Like, can we call it what it is, folks?
Yessss omg especially men… actually now that I’m thinking about it, only men have said this to me.
Yes. Ten years back, a woman was at our house for a small meeting in peak daffodil season. She announced she was going to take a bunch of daffodils with her. I calmly said, “No.” She replied, “Don’t yell at me!”
A big part of the reason I’m not married anymore. I wasn’t yelling, but I wanted too!
Counterpoint: almost every person I’ve ever heard say they weren’t yelling, was, in fact, yelling.
Not everything inconvenient to hear (since you bring up the topic) or which counters our self-perception is gaslighting.
Not the same, but I told my sister in law “hmm I don’t think so 😬” and I immediately overheard her telling my FiL that “she’s so aggressive”.
She really doesn’t take “no” well, years later. It drives me nuts because I know if I use any tone with her, she’ll just tell her daddy and mommy that I’m mean. And they’ll totally buy it.
So I think it’s relatable, what you’re going through.
It’s gaslighting, reactive abuse, and DARVO. They do something to provoke you or harm you. You notice and communicate a boundary or inquire about it. They make you the problem for calling them out.
This can simply come from someone who doesn’t take accountability because they are emotionally immature and act with low self awareness so they don’t consider their own motives or impact on others and then feel attacked by any confrontation. Or it can be a manipulation and abuse tactic of deliberate entrapment, framing or emotional blackmail by baiting you into a reaction specifically to cause conflict and turn you into a villain.
Whether it is subconscious or conscious on their part it IS manipulation and abuse. The only way it’s not, is if you are actually the one with low self awareness and ARE in fact yelling unprovoked and you’re the one gaslighting them.
Back when I worked customer service, alllll the time.
All those years doing customer service helped me get really good at staying calm when someone is being irrational and trying to stir up shit. During one fight, my ex straight up lamented that I wasn’t yelling because he said it made things easier. That should have been my cue to leave, and it did set off an alarm bell, but he was a bit talented at manipulation, so I unfortunately stayed.
My partner does this and I began calling him out on it a while back. I could literally whisper a criticism and he’d say “don’t yell at me”. If there’s the remotest edge to my voice, he will conflate that with volume and “yelling”. He’s growing more aware now that he’s not objecting to yelling, but to feeling criticised. In turn, I’ve made damn sure that if I have to raise something, it’s not my voice, because he will immediately switch off.
Oh yeah all the time, especially because i already have a commanding voice I get tone policed a lot for both phrasing and my actual voice
I’m really soft spoken, so, no, nobody has ever said I was yelling even when I’m kind of intense.
Rather, people complain that I’m not loud enough or not good at yelling.
People have definitely gotten VERY upset at me because I say things they don’t want to hear, though. Usually they resort to personal insults or they walk away and give me the silent treatment.
Yep. Ex. 9 years gone because I couldn’t speak or attempt communication that wasn’t about politics that wasn’t considered “yelling”… Only to end up eventually yelling “IM NOT YELLING”