I have an extremely gorgeous friend, like people turn heads on the street to catch another glimpse type of woman. She sometimes likes to dress down, baggy clothes and no makeup, to tone down the attention. I haven’t told her that um, you can still tell she is stunning, but yeah she seems to think it’s a disguise.
However, she told me that she noticed some men actually get angry at her on days when she’s trying to be lowkey. For example she went to this new climbing gym dressed way down, and the guy seemed super irritated and rude to her specifically out of the queue of people. And it’s happened other times too.
I think maybe some guys get mad when they feel like a beautiful woman isn’t serving looks to them? Like they are thinking “SHOW ME THE BODY” or something. What do you all think?
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Men get mad at women simply for existing. Those same men would also be upset if they felt she was showing off đ¤ˇđžââď¸
People tend to treat âattractiveâ people better in general. That probably plays a role in this.
I think some people are just rudeÂ
Men feel entitled to women, which means women must exist to be objects of attraction. If an attractive women dresses down, she is breaking the ârules,â so entitled men get mad. Also some men truly hate women in general, so they have a particular vitriol for women they find attractive. Look at how AOC is treated, as an example,
I noticed that beautiful women can wear a potato sack and still look gorgeous.
My beautiful friend gets hit on even more when sheâs in sweats.
Maybe she looks more approachable.
Keep in mind there are men who ignore or are rude to women who they don’t find attractive. What she considers rude, may be because those men don’t find a reason to be cordial/polite to her because they don’t view her as being attractive to them.
Some men get angry for literally every reason in the universe lol
To the eye of the beholder, an attractive person is an attractive person whether theyâre dressed down or not.
I think any possible anger she might perceive comes from some men feeling self conscious and âless thanâ in the face of someone they find attractive and who they feel that, deep down, they donât stand a chance with. Men feel self doubt and anxiety just like women do, but for some men this will manifest itself as anger.Â
I donât know if it matters so much if sheâs conventionally beautiful – I think misogynistic men treat any woman they donât find appealing worse than a woman that they do. So itâs not about the objective beauty of the individual so much as the subjective opinion of the dude in question. (I dunno if Iâm explaining that well, Iâm pretty sleep deprived at the moment.) What Iâm trying to say is her âfailureâ is not appealing to them in that moment, which could be true of any woman no matter how attractive she generally is.
Iâd imagine it might stand out more to a conventionally beautiful woman in this scenario because itâs a deviation from the responses she gets when sheâs all dolled up.
The misogynists are showing themselves, basically. Speculation on my part, of course, but thatâs my best guess.
I have a gorgeous ‘blonde bombshell’ type friend and I’ve noticed quite a lot of men seem to take it very personally when they find out she is a wildly intelligent super serious academic type.
I think they just treat her better when she is dressed up and as she is used to this sort of treatment, she thinks they are treating her badly when they are just treating her as they treat other average women.
Itâs insane to me that people get mad at what other people do with their bodies. That has to be a form of mental illness.
She’s noticing how some men treat women they AREN’T finding stunningly beautiful at that moment, ie, dreadfully.
It isn’t because she’s super beautiful. Some men can be this way. They want control, and they grow angry if they see a woman’s potential to fit into their preferences, but she defies it.Â
If she fits their preferences, theyâll neg her in different ways and try to cut her down.
OR, they’ll assume they have access to her because they find her attractive, and they’ll act vulgar.
Iâd be interested in what they say over at r/Askmenover30
I mean I also possibly think if she gets such special treatment all the time, she could be misconstruing a nonchalant/disinterested attitude toward her as hostility.
I had a beautiful friend try to describe an interaction with a man that didnât bend over backwards for her – she was confused by his behavior – and our other friend laughed and said,.. âso he just treated you, um, regular?â
We all laughed and she had to think about that for a bit.
Some people hate people that are attractive and have enough self confidence that they do not want a bar of you. Perhaps she exudes confidence without dressing up.
I never dealt with anger from men unless I had to reject a guy when I was younger. I only had the stares everywhere and people just trying to talk or help.
Perhaps this day and age there are more incels running around angry at what they cannot have. I donât know. I did date one guy recently that it became apparent if he âhatedâ some girl it meant he wanted her but knew he couldnât have her.
I had an ex who would remark how he hates this girl and that girlâŚ. Which was weird in itself to hate people. I realised they were all girls he was attracted to but he knew he couldnât have.
An example what do you think of girls with fake boobs? âNah I hate them, they are always stuck up bâ. Do you mean that you hate that they paid $10k to not hook up with you and fish for a different type of man? Only because I know the few girls who got fake boobs wouldnât have hooked up with him ever, they went for 10/10 looks and money. This is not all girls with boobs. Then I asked if that was why he didnât like fake boobs was it because he couldnât have them. He wasnât a high earner and while I thought he was good looking at the time he was my style⌠he wasnât conventionally good looking by my friends who have fake boobs standards.
Another example was the girls that he worked with that he âhatedâ when I met them all they were all girls who were fairly good looking and normal/had some self respect. His female work friends were the girls who would desperately hook up with married guys and generally not that mentally stable and not conventionally attractive or kind of clueless how to dress. One was ok looking. But was fucking a guy at work who was married, so kind of low mentality.
The only guy Iâve known to do this. But I googled it and found it is not uncommon for some girls to notice their boy friends âhatedâ girls that they were attracted to.
Bizarre. No other boyfriend Iâve had nor any man in my life has spoken like this about random women. They were all just kind and respectful – a person is a person regardless of gender.
It might just be that they treat her better when she dresses up
I have no clue if this is what’s actually going down but in a lot of nineties movies beautiful actors and actresses have to play a role where they’re supposed be an ugly duckling.Â
So they put their hair in a bun and put on fake glasses and now they’re supposed to be ugly. Meanwhile everyone in the audience can see that they still look better than 97% of the population.Â
When your friend is putting on a disguise but she still looks stunning, people can tell what her intention was and it can easily really rub them the wrong way because:
she’s either humble bragging;
she gives off the impression that she genuinely thinks putting on a disguise on Clark Kent glasses level will make her look ugly and invisible compared to the general public. While everyone around her knows that she still looks better than most people.
That second one can in particularly make people’s blood boil because there is a kind of indirect insult that she thinks this is what normal invisible people look like. It gives off the same vibes as if a trust fund kid wants to go undercover, so he comes to school in his new lambo instead of his private jet.
Some men get angry when women
Boys are raised to get what they want. They then become men who think that way too. And they want to look at beautiful things, so if you deny them that then youâre stopping them getting what they are conditioned to believe they deserve: whatever they want.
Thatâs why weâre told âsmileâ or sexually harassed at alarming levels. They genuinely believe we should do what they want and be what they want. Unless weâre claimed by another man already, but even in that case if heâs not physically there they donât respect that either.
Some men grow out of this conditioning and see us as full human beings. So many do not because why? Getting what you want your whole life sounds great. Treating us as things until theyâve got no use for us and can replace us is easy.
Some do. That dude in particular might have been projecting his issues with someone else onto her because she reminded him of someone who caused him grief.
People can be deranged and petulant for any number of reasons.
Come to the PNW. Everyone dresses down here.
Whatâs her age? It could be that too
I think the better question is: âshould any woman give a fuck when random men have opinions on her appearance?â
I think people are fucking nuts everywhere you go no matter who you are and it’s best to learn to ignore them or tell them to fuck off if need be.
Unequivocally yes. I’m a bartender. I can basically answer this professionally. From witnessing and experiencing it and from ‘getting’ to be a fly on the wall for some of their conversations.
Men can be⌠Iâm choosing my words carefully..less than ummm⌠some men they feel as though women, literal strangers owe them something that they have no right to. As an attractive and ungovernable woman, when men tell me to smile, I will scowl harder. If a man says âyou shouldâŚâ I tune it out immediately. I do not care, sir.
Because they falsely think we exist just for their viewing pleasure. And will tell women who don’t meet their standards how ugly they are.
I mean, yeah, we all saw it with Billie Eilish when she was still a child. Men were angry with her for dressing in baggy clothes and not showing more of her body.
Then when she turned 18 and sexed it up for one photoshoot, they were angry with her again for selling out and becoming âslutty.â
Basically men are mad at women no matter what we do.
Basically, women cannot simply exist without someone having an opinion about how to do it.
My dad thinks toning it down is a disguise too. The last two times I wore gym clothes out, I was stalked.
Iâm surprised that people say men get offendedâŚI feel like broke dudes they have more of a shot.
First of all not all men are the same, and you’ve apparently answered your own question because evidently there are indeed men who choose to get unhappy about that for some reason.
Iâve been told Iâm a 8.5 (however problematic that mentality is, but I own it) and I sometimes turn heads, and this hasnât been my experience. My interpretation of this is men are assholes. Most likely reason in this scenario is he knows he canât have her and so puts her down (is unhappy, single, having relationship probs, etc etc). I think her integrating her dressing down into it is her externalizing her choice to dress down to avoid her discomfort with male attention. I did this in other ways for a long time. I also did this with women who are bullies: I didnât think I was attractive for a really long time so when women bullied me I rationalized it as if only I were prettier theyâd want to be my friend. Itâs what they want you to think.
I’ve been known as the smart one and my bestie as the pretty one. She would always lose her shit because she was super smart and she would always tell me I’m pretty and smart.
I used to dress up alot and men would get mad if I didn’t give them the time of day and would be surprised I was into politics and news.
When I dress down and have gained a bunch of weight, they still get mad or see old pictures of me and ask “what happened”?? Well I no longer center the male gaze.
Married now. So he thinks I’m cute.
Noises of men whining BUT WHY AREN’T YOU WHAT I WANT YOU TO BE
It could also be that by her dressing down she is just being treated normally which she is interpreting as rude compared to how she is usually treated -likely with lots of extra attention, deference, and extras in accommodations, and free stuff. Pretty privilege isn’t noticed until it’s gone.
Also by her dressing down she fucking up the fantasies of men who know her and fucking up their mental spank bank. (sorry for the crudeness, just being real)
My husband likes it when women can relax and just be themselves. I donât, and he doesnât, understand why men would get upset about women dressing down. We donât care how a woman dresses, as long as youâre comfortable and you can be yourself around us youâre cool in our book.
I wonder if men are angry at her when she dresses down or if she’s simply missing the “pretty privilege” in those moments. As in men will be indifferent, irritable, even hostile for no good reason if they’re not trying to get in your pants. Maybe she’s just experiencing life without the “pretty privilege” and it’s such a whiplash that she thinks it’s anger towards her.
Some men get angry when any women do anything.
Maybe she’s gotten so used to being treated better that being treated the same comes across as hostility?
Same when women wear their hair short of dye it blue đ
There are guys who seem to believe that EVERYTHING a woman does is or should be for the purpose of attracting men. I dare say that’s less true now than at any other point in history.
Is it possible sheâs so used to being treated special because of her looks, that when she doesnât get that treatment it feels like people are being unkind?
I would honestly assume she gets special treatment when she is all put together, pretty privilege. And when she’s dressed down, she’s just getting what those guys offer most folk.
Kind of yes. I used to be as attractive as that woman. Like picture: all the male heads turn and stare when I take my shirt off at the pool lol
They get angry when any woman dresses down. I’m not beautiful by societal standards and I dress down 99% of my days. I still get flak from guys for not “taking care of myself”, you’d be much prettier if you wore footing clothes” etc. You MUST at least attempt to be appealing for them.
Some men get angry when women exist. They also get angry when women do literally anything.
As a relatively attractive woman I have found the thing that works for me is not to dress down, but to dress queer coded. I am still able to be stylish – I’m not dressing what men would call ‘ugly’ and am not invisible by any means – but men do not see me as a sex object. I’m still pretty and sexy but I’m coded for other women and other folks, and men can tell. They also mansplain less and I can hold the floor more easily in discussion. It’s like a cheat code for me. It’s empowering and I wish I’d done it years ago. 5 stars – can recommend. Oh, and I can tell it’s working, because on the days I wear a dress and heels instead I can feel that male gaze arrive to judge me again, and I start getting those comments again.
Iâve noticed that people treat me worse when Iâm dolled up and at my thinnest and are nicer to me when I dress down and gain weight. Both genders but itâs more noticeable with women.
Itâs probably not the outfit, but the lack of attention sheâs paying him. Men feel owed attention by pretty women for some damn reason. Sheâs there to climb not flirt, and heâs just butt hurt about it.
I’ve never received anger from random men based on my appearance but tell your friend she needs to dress UP to get approached less. When you dress down it doesn’t make you less attractive, it just makes you more approachable (and probably more easily disrespected) If you dress up, men assume you’re out of their league and that there’s a man somewhere who does not play about you and will beat their ass.
i have never noticed this. men will give me double takes and be friendly when i’m in casual/athletic clothing and gross hair or when i’m all dressed up.
Thatâs a really bizarre assessment from your friend. As a conventionally attractive woman, I get hit on my when Iâm dressed down because Iâm more âapproachableâ.
I’m by no means super stunning, but I’ve found that when I look worse, I’m more likely to be hit on and then more likely to receive abuse. It’s wild.
I take it to mean I’m more approachable, but then not so pretty they feel I’m out of their league, so then they get mad. I continuously got hit on after long shifts at work, looking and feeling like shit, but on girls’ nights out when I was looking and feeling my best, I was usually looked at but left alone.
I mean a bombshell in baggy stuff isn’t fooling a trained eye. Frankly big baggy sweats drive me crazy. But why some people may have a problem with dressing down; if I had to venture a guess is more of a “Why is that smoke show going out like that?” Sort of like who drives around in a muddy Ferrari, if that makes sense. Frankly most people over look completely, that maybe she had a bs morning, forgot to turn the dryer on, ifs wouldn’t get out of the shower, and she’s just going for it hoodie and sweats, or who knows what else.
But if someone is actively attacking someone for it, that person needs help lol. Treating her differently in a line up with other people might just appear rude if he’s turning up the charm for other well put together people though. idk I wasn’t there.
I never experienced that. Men tend to notice youâre hot just scrubbing it and hit on you just the same lol. Maybe itâs where you live?
Men get angry when women.
I think itâs more likely that sheâs used to getting treated better when sheâs dressed up and takes indifference as hostility.
Itâs likely got nothing to do with her
I met an acquaintance in college who started sending signals and flirting aggressively… then in conversation, I mentioned I was a martial artist. He immediately retalited with, “I could kick your a** if I wanted too, though.”
So, I mention a hobby and the first instinct is to threaten violence? I was caught off guard by how ridiculous that was. đ
it doesnât depend on clothes – when an insecure man hits on a woman, if she doesnât reciprocate he doesnât handle it well. He believes sheâs an object and thatâs it. Thatâs been my experience
Where do you live? Woman in the US wear workout clothes in public 75% of the time unless that have to dress otherwise for a job.
Probably! because those men think we exist for their gaze and/or pleasure. UGH
No I donât think itâs that. I think itâs more that theyâre trying to not look like theyâre attracted to them, ie, theyâre flustered and it comes out the wrong way.