I think you guys would know best for me to ask. The closer I get to my wounds, the more protective I get. I have the capacity to be hurtful and I’m considering, in this world if that’s an ally or if that’s an immature game that feeds itself? I think both offer valid arguments because sometimes people need to be conditioned if they never learned boundaries, or maybe it’s better to avoid them instead? I want to be a bigger person but I also don’t want to be a martyr or an opportunity to be unloaded onto. Please share your advice. I guess it would be different if someone bullied your spouse or child? Maybe the awareness of their karma and added self loathing would take care of that for me?
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When I was young I had zero tolerance for any perceived offense against me or my young family, as I got older I learned to pick my battles and let dysfunctional people vent since it wasn’t worth my time or energy to try and fix them
Don’t be lame to people. Periodt.
Hurt people hurt people.
I just laugh at the attempt.
Moderation in all things.
Some of us have a darkness inside. Letting it out to verbally maul an ass hat every now and then isn’t the end of the world for either of you.
But it’s best if you make peace with that aspect of yourself and don’t feel guilt. And that needs to be because you accept the consequences of what you do to the other person, not because you deny it. Denial doesn’t last, and repeatedly engaging in behaviors that cause you guilt is an excellent recipe for low self-esteem and can exacerbate some mental health challenges.
It’s not for everyone.
Being emotionally abusive is NEVER the right thing to do. It is ALWAYS immature. Setting boundaries is not about punishing or abusing another person. If you are being abused, you walk away from the situation if not the relationship. If someone is being a bully to a child, the parent’s job is to take appropriate action to protect the child, but that does not include being physically or verbally abusive.
Yikes no , I don’t waste time. If someone tries to hurt me I cut them off, or block.
Life is just too short and my peace too precious.
It is never okay to be abusive, whether that’s physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc. There’s a lot of satisfaction in being the better person. This doesn’t mean tolerating abuse, it just means not responding in kind. Imagine two little kids squabbling in the back seat of a car. “Wah!!! He started it!” “No, HE started it!!!” “Did not!” “Did too!”
How mature does that look? Any sympathy someone might’ve had for you as the victim goes right out the window.
No matter who starts it, you have the power to calmly disengage and say you’re willing to discuss later when the other person is in a better frame of mind. If you continue the fight in order to “teach a lesson,” you’ll have no allies. Walk away. If they continue to be a jerk, people who have seen your cool adult behavior will have your back. Think of it as a form of social judo.
I certainly acted out as a kid. I had been bullied at school, and beaten at home. I broke down and went out of bounds, reacting violently. But it was a survival adaptation. It took some therapy in my twenties to get over it. I was taught ways to ignore the triggers.
This all depends on the situation.
Can you give a specific example of this from your life?
One person’s conflict of interest can be another person’s “they’re trying to hurt me”
Very few people wake up in the morning trying to figure out who the next target is they can get.
No ! I see no reason to stoop to their level.
Neither do I allow myself to be abused by assholes !
Getting pissed off just encourages their shitty behavior. Smile and laugh it off, it takes the fun out of it for them.
If it’s physical abuse, that’s illegal. They could be reported and arrested for assault and abuse.
Grace. The opportunity to find peace within. Being abusive in any form only serves to hurt yourself as well as your intended target. Become the person who gives grace. You’ll be better for it. It also allows you to heal in ways you can’t when you harbor such hatred and it is hatred towards those old wounds as much as the new offense. It breaks them open and destroys growth. You don’t know what others are going through, nor they you. You can only control yourself. Peace be with you, friend.
I try to match others’ energy, similar to the technique of matching tone and body language in social situations.
I don’t make it a cycle. But I have no qualms about finishing what someone else starts.
I give respect and kindness by default. If that’s meet with abuse, that person has made their choice. I couldn’t care less about how I treat them in response.
But I don’t stick around for more.