So I’ve 30f been thinking/realizing lately that I don’t get horny. My 34m partner’s sex drive is high, like everyday high, and I’m willing to participate in order to avoid the ” you don’t love me, don’t touch me enough” conversation. And I’m not saying I don’t get pleasure I do enjoy it but I’m just never in the mood myself.
I don’t really enjoy foreplay much either, it just feels weird to be touched over and over while just waiting for them to get to the point.
I don’t know, some insight on how other women feel would be helpful.
I was a very sheltered child who didn’t go through the horny teenager phase, did that play a part in it?
I was sheltered until I moved out of my parents house.
Edit: thank you everyone for the nice conversation of the post that really helped me out, sending lots of love for everyone <3
Comments
I definitely do lol
Are you on SSRIs or a hormonal birth control?
Being on both made me lose all of my sex drive. I’m now off hormones and have low doses of SSRIs and I feel like a teen boy with how fucking horny I am all the time.
I have a basically nonexistent sex drive. Everything you described is why I dont date men, it seems like thats the main way they feel loved and to me its like just like whatever and i cant fake it.
I’m hypersexual and have a massive sex drive. I’ve scared two men away with it š
could the fact that youāre having sex every day anyway make it feel a chore? i could see that effecting your natural sex drive.
I have a very high libido, but it does ebb and flow, and stress will crush it. “waiting for them to get to the point” doesn’t sound very fun.
I’m 32. Last year I realized I never thought about sex, could give it up and not care. I had been on the pill for 14 years and decoded to ditch it for a non-hormonal copper IUD. I am now very interested sex. Lol.
Mine depends on my time of month. And it improved a lotttt when I switched off the pill to an IUD. Also sure my anxiety meds donāt help
Definitely get horny. Also have post orgasm clarity when my libido takes over. High drive.
Everyone is different. Have had men on both sides as well.
I didnāt think I had a very high sex drive, but then two things happened – I went off the pill, and my partner decided once every three or four months was enough for them. Many years later, after the divorce, there was an acquaintance I was 1000% unsuited for who kept āshowing upā to chat (grocery store, coffee shop), and I found myself massively horny for him, like every cell in my body was pulling me toward him like they were magnets and he was a hunk of metal. I have never before or since felt that wildly desirous. The feeling lasted about six months, and my brain won that battle, Iām very glad I resisted. But wow, was it ever cool to feel that power! I treasure the memory.
Having someone constantly pawing at me and then doing the selfish, manipulative pouty thing if I turned them down obliterated my drive. It just felt like an addition to my workload after awhile. When I realized I was mentally making a grocery list during sex, it was a wrap for me.
I’ve been pretty horny since I got my IUD and my tubes removed a couple years ago. But that might have more to do with our specific chemistry because I have zero interest in or desire for anyone else, even celebrities.
I’m horny all the time. I’m 46.
Your boyfriend is being coercive if you do what he wants to avoid his reaction.
Nope!
My libdo has always been non-existent.
I think some people just have a very low sex drive, I know that I do. Maybe you are the same. I was also quite sheltered as a child, my parents never really talked to me about sex or relationships, I didn’t have a relationship until I was 20.
Never used hormonal BC so I can’t comment on that but you’re not alone! Some people just have a low libido, nothing to be ashamed of
It fully sounds like you are an individual of Asexual persuasion.
Nothing wrong with it. Nothing. The matter with it. You truly do just have a different orientation
Your boyfriend coercing you into sex by accusing you of not loving him if you refuse is not consent. It’s sexual coercion, and it’s a form of abuse.
I would say to look into the difference between spontaneous and reactive desire types!
I spend more of the day feeling horny than not feeling horny. I think a healthy relationship towards sex and dating is important to facilitate this, if you feel shame or discomfort it won’t come nearly as easily.
You are not asexual but I read your comments about him touching you when youāre not in the space for it and there is nothing that kills the mood faster. My husband was always pawing at me at the most inappropriate times and then pouting. It turns it into a chore, or at the very least, it makes you react negatively to their touch.
I hope you two can talk about this. His willingness to listen and accommodate your needs will tell you a lot.
I do but like once a week. Iām a very busy mom of 3 with a full time job working 60hrs a week and lots of weekend activities. Iām just tired. My husband is an amazing dad and partner and he probably does more than I do in terms of the house and kids but I donāt sleep well so my energy at the end of the day is depleted.
My husband can go every day though lol. I wish I had his libido and stamina!
I wasn’t horny for someone UNTIL I met my current partner. He turned on my drive and it’s way higher than his lol.
Even with my ex I wasn’t in the mood to do anything and did what you did…
I’m sorry, OP. If my partner made me feel obligated to pleasure him, and guilted me when I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel sexual either. Sex should only happen if it’s mutually desired and mutually pleasurable.Ā
Our brains play a crucial role in Sexuality. It grows from adolescence, and there’s no shame in that. But, being raised in a sexually repressive home can harm those neural pathways. It can cause sexual dysfunction, including inorgasmia, desensitization, and clitoral atrophy.Ā
Even if you’re asexual, you still deserve better than this. <3
I had an on and off sex drive, mostly high for most of my 20ās-early 30ās. Itās quite low now, am in a serious relationship, and off of any birth control for about 2-3 years. I think can have a lot to do with what someone else mentioned of being the role of caretaker and in some ways needing to āparentā a partner can diminish the allure of a sex drive when youāre stuck in a responsibility role for so long.
Yeah I do. That doesn’t really translate to sex with someone else though. At least not to the point where anyone available will do.
34F (well 34 in a few weeks) and Iāve got a high sex drive but a low ability to attract men š¤¦āāļø itās a very unfortunate combination
I realized I am a Demi sexual so I needed strong emotional connection to want sex. I donāt get horny like alosexual people do.
I displayed signs early of being hypersexual and still am, I got hormonal birth control to try to temper it and itās made a dent but not enough. Iāve also been on SSRIs with no noticeable difference
In my case if Iām not on birth control ovulation is hell and even 8 hours and 8 orgasms in a day wasnāt satisfying, leaving me crying out of frustration
Iād say thereās a large spectrum and we all slot into it somewhere
Iāve known someone with a low libido who got off of medications and saw a difference though so that works for some
Just had the same problem and finally asked about it at the doctors office. She told me that the hormonal BC I take is commonly prescribed to women with PCOS because of the fact that it boosts estrogen and lowers testosterone (one of the biggest drivers of libido) which is a huge downer lol. Your partner and his attitude are a whole separate issue but if you are on hormonal BC and wanted to look into it starting with your doctor would be the best place to start looking for alternatives!
could be asexuality, women have a higher rate of being asexual or possibly hormonal birth control, also known to affect sex drive and attraction
33 here. Had zero libido and tearing with sex for 5 years. Had my tubes removed and got off birth control and it was a night and day difference. Turns out my BC tanked my estrogen, which caused the tearing. Now thooooā¦ my poor husband canāt keep up! Iām especially feral during ovulation.
Pills or other birth control that involves disrupting hormones are known to lower sex drive
Ever since I broke up with that loser I get extremely horny. Even on an SSRI.Ā