I grew up with a bunch of guys who didn’t take school or college seriously but are my best buddies nonetheless.
We pretty much live in the same town and meet each other often at bars.
I got somewhat lucky with my career and made substantially more than my buddies.
Now and then, I feel they have passively discussed how their wives compare them to me. It hurt my soul when they mentioned their middle school kids feeling bad about their house after seeing my house and pool for my kid’s birthday party.
I can’t control how they perceive me, but they have never directly asked how much I make.
Is it common to not ask your buddies how much they make?
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I also am close friends with most my high school friends to this day, almost all of us are fairly successful and homeowners. No we don’t discuss salaries
That’s on them if they can’t handle it. Most older guys I know talk about their income. But because they are all doing well and understand someone else’s success doesn’t take away from their own.
My friends and I all make roughly the same amount. We know roughly how much each other makes. We don’t talk about it though.
Im happy to be open about mine. No real point hiding it as anyone could look up roughly what im contracted for as im a public worker and our awards are public knowledge. I certainly discuss with colleagues, as I think the idea of not doing so is a creation of administrators to keep wages down. I would probe a friend about theirs. I roughly know what my siblings earn. I have no idea what my parents earn.
I would say almost none of my friends have felt like revealing their salaries. VERY rarely will someone say it. I try to be the one to normalize it in my friend circles but I get how we’ve been conditioned to make it uncomfortable. Think about how it would be if you couldn’t tell your wife your salary? That’d just be whack.
I have been a low earner, a modest earner and now in the upper middle class bracket. Of course it’s easier for me to say now when I am making the most money I ever have, that we should discuss salaries. Maybe it’s tough for my friend who stuck it out at their job to be loyal or to play it safe, and they’re making half of what I am now.
You have to be able to try to talk about these things, because at the end of the day your buddy making 50k and you making 100k are sure a hell of a lot closer to the same class than the boss making 1 or 2 million.
The only friend I ever talk to about money is the friend I made at work, because we share the same role. Otherwise no, it never comes up. I’m clearly at the bottom of the earning totem pole of my social group, but at least in conversations where we’re together we want to focus on our shared interests and do fun things than get caught up in talking about depressing topics like money or finances.
Discussing salaries is rude unless you both are in similar positions
With close friends I don’t mind talking numbers but I would give a vague “I make decent money” to someone else. It’s also pretty clear what brackets people fall into based their house, cars, day cares, etc. whether someone makes 120 or 130 doesn’t matter. But I can see the difference between 100 and 250
I do not bring it up unless we are in the same job/field, that too if one of us is making/thinking about making a switch to another company/role.
In generalities, sure. If someone asks directly I’ll tell them more exact numbers, but otherwise I tell them I make a decent amount for my title and position and our stock has done all right.
I don’t care, as long as they make their own as a man.. that’s what matters to me..
I only talk to those that are in my industry. But I’ve had similar problems to what you describe, sadly we grew apart, same thing happened with some family too. I’m either too generous or not generous enough. Thing is I’m not flashy or have a big house or any real luxurious, just my job title makes people think I must be a baller, when I’m not.
Only with a few friends who work in similar roles / industry. Knowledge is power; we all benefit from it.
With other friends, I’m happy to discuss anything but the actual numbers. I love sharing the things I’ve learned with friends, especially since almost no one was there to show them to me.
But I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or have them resent me over the actual numbers
It’s weird. And none of their business. If they have a problem with it, there is nothing you can do about it. Seriously. It’s not something normal adults discuss with one another.
I have 3 buddies that I discuss my salary with. But we also talk about a lot of finances, investments, taxes, expenses and such. The rest I dont. Or just a very broad range.
It’s common where I’m from to discuss how how someone makes a year. It’s not taboo at all among friends and coworkers
No cos we all know what each other earns. We are on a pay scale
I would talk about it if someone asked. But I would not want to pressure anyone to reveal theirs.
Oh god no, i would never ask and have never been asked. I have one friend who shared that he has been trying to retire but his former boss pays him $6K monthly for 1 weeks work and phone an availability. But that’s the only one I can ever remember.
A certain few of my mates will openly discuss their salary situation with me, personally I’ll tell any of my friends who ask as I earn the UK median wage, which is enough but not a huge sum, I’m not cagey about it. The friends who I do talk about this with are old and dear to me so we’re not uncomfortable discussing it, despite some of my peers knocking on making six figures annually.
People seemed to want to when I worked in a hospital and so was on a shitty public sector salary, they don’t nowadays when I earn half a mil for some reason 🤷♂️
I am late career (mid-50s) and have been very successful. A few years back, one of my best friends (we grew up together, both lived in the same shitty areas). My parents emphasized education, while his parents did not. Fast forward many years later and he is in a dead-end government job, earning very little. I struggled financially for years while I put myself through university and wound up working in a very high paying technical field.
Now that we are in our 50’s, he has seen how much money I make and it actually impacted our friendship, actually to the point where he no longer talks to me. We’ve known each other since 6th grade — it is pretty painful.
I had one other friend who knows how much I make — he is my best friend and we are really close to each other. I share my wealth with my buddy…I’ll fly us to Spain for a week to go diving, pay for an amazing AirBnb in the mountains somewhere. But he never expects anything from me.
Other than that, I do not discuss how much I make with other people — it is too upsetting for people and generally rude.
I make considerably more than most of my friends from high school or college.
I’ve never once shared how much I make with them.
I rarely if ever discuss salaries with my friends. We all know the industries we’re in, the cars we drive, the houses we have, the vacations we take (or don’t take), etc.
Every group of older guys is going to have some variance in income levels. That’s life: some people are poor, some make do, and others live the high life.
I don’t really…even with my few very close friends and we all do very well. In general it just doesn’t seem like something to talk about and I can’t see any reason we would. We all have a general idea just given our professions and where we are and how long we’ve been there, but other than that I just don’t see much point in discussion.
In my group I’m semi done well. I do talk about how I got where I am. I’d say it’s pretty lonely at the top and tell them the strategies of how to get there.
I’m also humbled by other friends that are even more successful than me. All my friends know about how much everyone makes.
It’s not hard to tell who’s killing it vacations, assets, clothing. Just don’t gloat or be pompous about it. If they can’t take it they’re really not your friend.
I want all my friends to do better than me. You really don’t have to have a crab mentality.
I’d just say to my friends wives and kids that comparison is the thief of joy. The real wealth is this moment spending time with loved ones and friends. I’m lucky to have your dad in my life. I’d know he would do the same for my family if I were in his shoes.
Not really. On average I’d say men never really talk about that.
We will discuss how much things cost but some men don’t even do that really.
If someone knows I make a lot and because of that point blank asks me I’ll tell them but I make a lot more than average so it would just feel like showing off or trying to make them feel less than.