Ok I need to vent and honestly this is probably BEC and MIL cannot hold a candle to the crazy that most people on this sub have to put up with. Sorry if this is a little jumbled. Context my entire family is scattered across the world. The only family member I have living within a hundred miles is an elderly 3ed cousin.
Ok we are wedding planning. And I would assume that sending save the dates out was a normal part of a wedding especially if half the guest have to get on an airplane to get to the wedding. But apparently not to my MIL. And I quote “wait you are going to be sending out save the dates? Do you know how expensive that will be?” Like yes MIL I am aware of postage costs and can do basic multiplication. This was at the engagement dinner that my parents had to travel over 16 hours to attend. So let me break this down.
*MIL is not contributing anything to this wedding. She is responsible for the rehearsal meal and that’s it.
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I am the main breadwinner and all the money for the wedding is coming from my side of the family. It is really not MIL place to comment about the cost of anything.
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My job is literally to manage project budgets. Not only do I have my own ridiculous detailed budget but I have copies of all the ones my married coworkers have made.
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The postage on the invites is one of the smallest costs for a wedding.
*I’ve been a philatelist since I was a teenager, I already had all the stamps needed before I was even engaged, which is something MIL would know if she bothered to get to know me.
Thank you for letting me rant
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I know it’s really hard, but try to let MIL’s words and energy flow off you like water off a duck’s back. I find deep breathing really helpful in these instances! All will be well; just ignore the ridiculous comments and focus on your wonderful wedding.
Haha this made me chuckle – especially the part about postage costs and basic multiplication. Keep up the good sense of humour OP 😆
Yes MIL, I manage my money very well. Cost is not a concern for me.
Shes just wanting to save costs of the rehearsal meal / have her family dominate the wedding by thinking if your family are unaware of the date until the last minute they won’t be able to come!
You’ve got this handled, and your MIL’s commentary is just background noise. Let her stay pressed while you send out your gorgeously stamped, totally budgeted save the dates ✉️💅
Wow I would make sure she has no idea of any other planning so she doesn’t try and crap on it.
I had international guests for my wedding, and I used Postable.com to send my Save the Dates and then the invites. It streamlined everything, and the cost was reasonable.
As for MIL, she’s clueless. My MIL has never put on an event like my wedding. She had no frame of reference to understand. She was so offended that the two weeks prior to my wedding, which was a large, lovely, elegant affair that I organized and paid for all by myself, that I was too busy to have her over for lunch!! I was up to my eyeballs tying together last-minute details, I had 25 guests coming from the States. I didn’t have time to sleep, much less make her lunch and sit with her for several hours. Then, there were the criticisms. I had to meet with the florist a few times, “why so many meetings about FLOWERS? You don’t need too many flowers.” “Why do you have to go to the venue again?” Endless. Oh, but when the wedding came, it was absolutely gorgeous. Afterward, she was bragging and showing everybody pictures of how beautiful it was (even though she didn’t chip in a dime for her son’s wedding). I still don’t know if she ever had the presence of mind to think to herself, “Wow. This must have taken a lot of work and preparation.” To this day, she’s still grumbling that we were too busy before the wedding. 😒
I’d say 90% of save the dates I’ve gotten in the last 5 years are electronic- that is not expensive at all! But even if you choose to send physical ones, it’s not any of MIL’s business how much you spend.
“Thanks for your concern, but the stamps are already handled!”
“Good thing you’re not paying for them” then walk away
“I was just telling you about it, I wasn’t asking for an opinion about money.”
Sometimes you’ve got to be blunt with unsolicited advice or judgement. Hell, these types of people don’t think before they speak so why should any of us?
My MIL once complained daycare fees would be expensive as if SHE was the one paying. I could feel my eyes begging to roll.
Oh man, classic MIL nonsense, amirite? Like that time she cared more about the napkin colors than us actually beginning our lives together. Lolz. Honestly tho, u stick to ur guns. Ur the one calling the shots here. Wedding plan stress is no joke, but trust me, it pays off on the big day. Good luck & keep venting, we’ve got ur back! ✌️💍💌
I can relate. My MIL thought she was going to have a huge role in raising my children and had a while crisis of identity after we announced our pregnancy. She got excited at the end of my 2nd trimester and tried to control aspects of my baby preparation. She was bewildered when we refused all her “help” and wouldn’t allow “unscheduled visits.”
I grew up in a daycare and my adult professional experience has been a a newborn nanny as well as at a montessori school before having my son and being a SAHM.
They don’t care about our lives or experience, they just want control of whatever they want control over
i’m a boomer and I wish they would’ve had this years ago. I think save the date is a wonderful thing. not just for people who would travel to a wedding to make travel arrangements but giving where you work as much lead time as you can to take PTO. Before he retired, my husband worked for a company where you had to pick your entire years PTO in January.
You can tell your mother-in-law that this boomer said keep quiet and stay in your lane. 😄
Why do you put up with this kind of blatant disrespect? You’re teaching her to behave this way whenever she wants to.
People need to be ashamed when they do something stupid. Bend over once and they’ll demand you bend forever.
“You don’t need to worry about that. We’ve got it handled.”
Majority of weddings I’ve attended in the last five years have used digital save the dates (which can either be from a free site or for less than $20).
“Oh good thing you’re not actually paying for them then! I can actually afford some stamps and stationary.”
You get my upvote simply for having stamps already handled and a detailed budget (Im assuming spreadsheets). Theres nothing a good spreadsheet cant fix lol. I live to be prepared. I bought forever stamps more than a decade ago and still have some left. Of course I dont send mail the way I used to, but it was a No Brainer a the time to buy them and cost of stamps has more than doubled.
As for MIL, Id be instantly turned off. None of her business.