Or do arguments push you away but you still love them and find them attractive?
I’m (22F) just curious about others views and whatnot. I still love and crave mine after arguments (whether i’m in the wrong or right)m regardless of what we’re talking about) but he doesn’t feel the same when it comes down to that. He’s less affectionate and barely initiates due to them apparently. We’ve been together only for 4-5 months, we got into a relationship pretty quickly, we already live together. We’ve been doing better and being more understanding of each other but most of our arguments stem from me not feeling as loved or desired from the lack of physical touch unlike I, who shows him lots of touch. He even complains on days where I don’t touch him too much, compliments me a lot but his actions show me different.. This whole thing messes with my head.
TL;DR: Due to arguments, my boyfriend is less intimate with me yet wants me to be touchy with him still. My overall feelings never change after the arguing. Do you still crave intimacy from your partner afterwards or does it push you away?
Comments
Yes, men don’t like that kind of conflict coming from inside the relationship. They will feel trapped. And the fact you got into such a quick relationship, moving in together… that would intensify that feeling.
There’s more going on in your situation. These things are happening due to past experiences. You may need an outside perspective, maybe couples therapy could help 🙂
It sounds like maybe some avoidant-anxious attachment between you two. If you’ve never heard of attachment types, it’s worth a read. I married an avoidant and leaned anxious before but as a result of this relationship am now more anxious. It can be a terrible mismatch and a lot of pain and struggle in my experience. You sound much like me, your bf sounds like my wife. I fear for you, it’s not a fun mix.
I do, but my relationship is horrendously unhealthy.
11 years. It’s been declining steadily over the last 4, in part due to his inability to communicate anything. We have these long agonizing discussions (so, not arguments, per say) where I tell him how lonely and sad he makes me feel, and he explains how his self hatred sabatoges his life.
It’s not a romantic moment, right? And before these conversations, there’s so little emotional intimacy between us that I can’t imagine having physical intimacy.
But after those convos, I feel touchy and like I want to have sex.
Imagine a puddle of mud in the desert. It’s not what you want to drink, but it’s the only thing around. I’d prefer emotional intimacy over something else, but sadness is all I have to work with. I do feel closer to him after. When my relationship was healthier, an argument would have turned me off from physical touch.
I’m so tired.
i wouldn’t say i absolutely crave it, but i also wouldn’t say no, i think. my husband and i mainly view sex as just being a fun way to connect with one another, and we have plenty of those. even if i’m really mad at him, i figure that a good way to work things out when an argument doesn’t work is to… do something that helps us connect emotionally.
i usually end up feeling better by the end of it.