Hey Guys!!
My question is as simple as the title is.
I (25/f) was on a short trip with my mother and my 14 year old brother. I don’t live with them and I live about 45 minutes away so I don’t see them that often – maybe every 2-3 weeks for an afternoon. My brother just hit puberty and can be very exhausting and demanding.
So we were getting ready for the day and he came up to me and wanted to give me a kiss. I was holding my cheek in his direction and he told me he wanted to kiss me on the lips. I told him I don’t want to kiss him on the lips (very nicely tho) and he was demanding for it and saying I’m weird for not giving him a kiss. I personally think it’s weird to randomly kiss family on the lips (except maybe little kids and you hubby/wife of course).
Back to the story, a weird discussion started and they told me they always kiss on the lips and how that’s normal and I’m just being uptight. I told them that imo it’s ok to kiss small children on the lips but for a mom to kiss her 14 y/o son and older on the lips is weird. I even gave her the example of my boyfriend and that it would be weird if he kissed his mom on the lips as a grown man to which she said that that is (would be – he doesn’t kiss his mom lol!) normal in her eyes… Afterwards she said they mostly do it in private which for me is even weirder. Later that day tho they kissed each other on the lips in public and it was like 3 or 4 kisses right after one another… what do you guys think? Is kissing your teenage son (and later grown man since they don’t plan on stopping that) on the lips normal or weird boy mom behavior?
I personally think they have a weird relationship, I was an only child up until 11 y/o and we have different dads (love my stepdad) and he is being raised so much different than I have been raised but the weird point is that they don’t have any feelings of shame towards each other, my brother tells my mom about how he is going up to his room to essentially “have fun” and that she shouldn’t come in for the time being and stuff like that. He showers in front of her and talks to her about (maybe even shows her???) the hair he is growing in his private area.
I think for me it’s the boy and mom combination that makes it so weird? I probably wouldn’t find it as weird if it was a girl and mom combo?! Maybe I am just a bit uptight but maybe everyone here finds it as weird as I do lol. Love to hear your guys’ take!
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hey Guys!!
My question is as simple as the title is.
I (25/f) was on a short trip with my mother and my 14 year old brother. I don’t live with them and I live about 45 minutes away so I don’t see them that often – maybe every 2-3 weeks for an afternoon. My brother just hit puberty and can be very exhausting and demanding.
So we were getting ready for the day and he came up to me and wanted to give me a kiss. I was holding my cheek in his direction and he told me he wanted to kiss me on the lips. I told him I don’t want to kiss him on the lips (very nicely tho) and he was demanding for it and saying I’m weird for not giving him a kiss. I personally think it’s weird to randomly kiss family on the lips (except maybe little kids and you hubby/wife of course).
Back to the story, a weird discussion started and they told me they always kiss on the lips and how that’s normal and I’m just being uptight. I told them that imo it’s ok to kiss small children on the lips but for a mom to kiss her 14 y/o son and older on the lips is weird. I even gave her the example of my boyfriend and that it would be weird if he kissed his mom on the lips as a grown man to which she said that that is (would be – he doesn’t kiss his mom lol!) normal in her eyes… Afterwards she said they mostly do it in private which for me is even weirder. Later that day tho they kissed each other on the lips in public and it was like 3 or 4 kisses right after one another… what do you guys think? Is kissing your teenage son (and later grown man since they don’t plan on stopping that) on the lips normal or weird boy mom behavior?
I personally think they have a weird relationship, I was an only child up until 11 y/o and we have different dads (love my stepdad) and he is being raised so much different than I have been raised but the weird point is that they don’t have any feelings of shame towards each other, my brother tells my mom about how he is going up to his room to essentially “have fun” and that she shouldn’t come in for the time being and stuff like that. He showers in front of her and talks to her about (maybe even shows her???) the hair he is growing in his private area.
I think for me it’s the boy and mom combination that makes it so weird? I probably wouldn’t find it as weird if it was a girl and mom combo?! Maybe I am just a bit uptight but maybe everyone here finds it as weird as I do lol. Love to hear your guys’ take!
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NTA,
A kiss on the cheek is appropriate for a kid that hit puberty. I would not want to kiss anyone I’m not romantic with on the lips. Weird.
Yeah, that’s weird. You’re not uptight. Trust your gut. You handled it right.
My family are “mouth kissers” and it is absolutely a generational thing passed on. I think its awful and I have been trying to get away from it my entire life. 🤮
NTA. For sure weird. At his big age? No ma’am.
ye its weird or i find it weird ive never liked kissing and tbh i do cheek to my daughter, i am autistic so touching like that its sooo weird for me but your not in the wrong especially when no matter what no one can make you do something
My parents always kissed us on the lips until we we stopped them. After I became an adult I started turning my head a bit so we each kissed each other on the cheek.
IME, every family is different about this and I don’t really judge. The only thing that really bothers me are people who try to force their children to be affectionate to others in the name of “manners.”
NTA.
I have an 11yo son and 13yo daughter. She stopped naturally doing this around 7-8years? He has continued but I’ve been coaching him into “grown up” boundaries for about a year now? It’s all cheek now.
He was late to weening too 😂 Little guy still loves a cuddle. But he has outgrown the send off morning hug at school drop off naturally!
oh god i hope they talk abt this one on the podcast.
i know that in some cultures mouth kissing is normal, but the way you’re describing it is very much not. several kisses one after the other? that’s shit you do with your partner, not your child or parent.
the other stuff only adds to how disturbing this all is. being open with your family is one thing, but telling your mom when you’re abt to jack off and showering in front of her?? that is absolutely fucking disturbing. i don’t know your mom, i don’t know your brother. but this dynamic is not only extremely bizarre and unhealthy, but i do fear that there might genuinely be some grooming and sexual abuse going on. i’m not an expert in sexual abuse within families or anything, im not a psychologist, but this all feels so deeply wrong. your brother is only 14 and the only reason why he thinks this is all normal is because your mom insists it is. in retrospect he’s going to be horrified.
It is both weird and not weird, just depends on perspective.
At 14? Absolute the fuck not
If my mom kissed me on the mouth at my grown age I would turn into a ball of white fire and explode forever. And the fact that ur brother DEMANDED it… ew!!!!!!!!!
You are right, your brother and mom are very wrong. Young kids – ok till they are 3-4 years old.
Definitely weird boy mom behaviour.
Well this was a disturbing read. It was only mildly uncomfortable until you got to the fact that they kiss multiple times on the lips in public. And then the progression to discussing his masturbation habits, showering in front of her, and showing her his newly acquired pubes. I threw up in my mouth at how massively inappropriate this relationship is. I pity the woman who ever dates him. When she sees him kissing mommy multiple times in a row on the lips or mom brings up in casual conversation about watching him shower, any normal woman would run screaming.
Also OP just want to point out one thing you said. That’s it’s fine if it’s toddlers or young children. It’s not. That’s the way kids end up with cold sores (aka herpes) bc adults think kissing on the lips is fine with little kids and babies and infect them. It’s much more dangerous for babies and toddlers to be exposed to than adults.
Besides the fact that it’s super weird, it’s also unhygienic. Either party has no idea who or where that mouth has explored recently. Gross. Ultimately gross.
I think that this seems like some insest thing but that’s just my opinion and it could just be weird family shit so it really depends how you take the situation.
And for me it’s normalish with my nan cause that’s how she does it but my mum and sister kiss me on my cheek or forhead so it’s not weird unless they make it weird
Bizarre.
It’s always weird. Even families that always do it, it’s always weird. Period.
I kiss my kids on the lips until they are 7
This is such a weird American hangup. Nothing about this is sexual
I think kissing anyone on the lips that you aren’t sleeping with or planning on sleeping with is weird.
Your brother is grooming your mother into having incest relations. First hugging then kissing on the mouth. Now he’s showing his private parts. Next he will let his mother catch him masturbating, and then ask if she can help. Then it only gets worse from there.
I have one family member who does this, and I hate it. I turn my head at the last second. Lip kissing is completely unnecessary and gross unless i’m dating you or married to you. 😆
Yes I do but I realize it’s cultural.