I occasionally browse the men subreddits and one thing I’ve seen over the years is men saying they feel affection starved and would welcome pretty much any sort of gestures conveying affection, physical gestures like hugs but also compliments / explicit appreciation. (Not referring to sex here)
I come from a very expressive and fairly touchy culture so this might be me completely missing a cultural cue here, but that’s something that surprised me.
Do you find this to be true? Do you like touching your partner/openly expressing appreciation?
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No lack of affection in this house lol married 16 years and we are both constantly touchy/feely/ cuddly with eachother we wouldn’t have it any other way. 😍
No, I don’t find this to be true, at least for my husband. He gets tons of compliments from peers and colleagues at work/his boss. I also compliment him all the time. He also definitely isnt affection starved as I hug, kiss and even grope him daily. Or things I know he loves like running my fingers along his arm or back etc. There hasn’t been a day in our 14 years together he doesn’t get affection from me or our kids.
I am a stage 5 clinger in terms of being affectionate. I’m not a touchy person in general but with a partner I love to cuddle, hold hands etc, I think physical touch is important! I also compliment him alot because I think you should always tell people what you genuinely like/appreciate about them
No lack of affection in my relationship, but to be fair, my partner isn’t posting in mens subreddit’s discussing lack of affection either.
So is it true? To the ones who are posting about it, yes. The ones who aren’t affection starved aren’t posting about it.
I am the most affectionate person. If I’m dating someone I am always touching them, holding their hand, cuddling, giving compliments.
None of it ever gets returned to me, so I stop and dump them. So if a bro is complaining about this, there’s a good chance he expects affection with no desire to give it.
No. Not at all. In my experience women are fighting for men and the right to be the one who can hug and take care of them like they are babies.
At least in my culture and circles that is the case. So they’re definitely not affection starved.
Dh told me I’m the first partner he ever had that showed real physical affection consistently. Last might I just walked up behind him to give him a hug and he melted.
I’ll be honest; I know my MIL well and she thinks she’s an amazing mom but she sucks. I do think my husband was affection starved overall. He’s definitely not anymore lol
Either the /askmen subreddit is extremely out of touch or it’s me. On there I constantly see “women don’t listen to us. They don’t give us affection. They only want us to listen to their days but don’t want to listen to ours.They only want us for our money. When do we get taken care of?” I’m like what??? In my relationships, I’ve never experienced this. I’ve always been an equal partner, financially and emotionally. My man gets tons of love, affection and compliments on the daily
Physical touch is one of my boyfriend’s love languages. He loves when I touch him by holding his hand, kissing his face or forehead, touching his chest, or just cuddling. Which is great because it’s one of my love languages too.
If it’s something that they crave they need to put in the effort to get it. This is the problem with a lot of the male subreddits.
I am a guy and honestly I’m getting so tired of the male loneliness crisis pandemic whatever you want to call it these days. The complaining and whining is nauseating particularly when their problems are obvious.
See, this is what we mean when we say male-centered. The problems that men create for themselves have absolutely nothing to do with us.
Plus, it’s bold of you to assume everyone on this sub is straight or even date men.
I love touching my partner and complimenting him. He hates it though. He would prefer I literally never touch him unless it’s for sex. Im sure some men like it. Every person is different
Yes, I have witnessed this in my life.
I think this is more of a skewed view of the type of people who frequently post about that stuff. Men who are lonely (which are legion on Reddit) will say those kinds of things, like the whole “nobody ever compliments me” woe that we often hear from the men’s side.
I grew up in a loving culture but not a very affectionate one. I dated someone who constantly needed physical affection. It was kind of exhausting (I know that sounds so mean) even in the car he wanted to hold my hand, but I just wanted him to have two hands on the wheel. I had to constantly reassure him too, he was a bit insecure. Sex and physical touch were too important to him and too quickly, I barely knew him and had to be all up in his space all the time? I was uncomfortable.
Personally I need less physical contact and affection than my husband. I think it’s a love language thing. I’m perfectly happy feeling affection through conversation. I like to talk about our days, feelings and plans and that makes me feel connected. But I can tell my husband needs the physical touch and if he doesn’t feel it he feels depressed. Everyone is different. Maybe more men’s love language is physical touch than women.
No because when men say they are affection starved they do not mean they need more hugs from Aunt Sally they want sex with women they deem hot.
Wrote about this on another post the other day, but I was reading Bell Hooks book Communion day and she was talking about how feminism didn’t go far enough, in that what the world actually needs is a new standard/vision of masculinity.
It got me thinking about the men I like/want to be friends with/are friends with. These men don’t conform to the typical image of ‘masculinity’, in that they are just nice, kind, interesting, emotionally intelligent, platonically friendly guys who I want to be around. So, I feel comfortable giving them hugs or a platonic arm touch/hand on the shoulder or whatever. It’s safe for me to do so and I have no worries it’s taken as anything but platonic love. I doubt these men felt as touch starved even when single, because they have community around them built through just being great!
So, at least in the UK where I am from, if you are a man who subscribes to traditional masculinity, I bet you probably are a little tough starved, but you need to become a safe space for other people for that to not be so.
I am in an LDR, so I hope people are hugging my man hello and goodbye! I like to hold my platonic female friends hands sometimes or sit right by them, because we’re allowed to touch!
I’m very physically affectionate with my husband and always have been. I think these sorts of comments probably come from mostly single men, which is still sad ofc.
I know there is a time in my relationship where my wife thought she was affectionate to me but it really was not the case. It took her a very long time to see how she was treating me in a very indifferent way compared to about anyone else in her life.
He was attention starved in past relationships, but our favourite pastime is being snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with his hand either on a tiddie or on my stomach… we’re very lovey-dovey with each other, whether it be touching, words of affirmation, gift giving, allllll the things.
I can say, I did like to be affectionate. As in, past tense. Since every physical/affectionate gesture was interpreted as an overture to sex, I stopped. It’s been years, and he doesn’t approach me either. I’m over it, frankly, after explaining how necessary physical affection and playfulness outside the bedroom is for me and getting no adjustment from him at all.
Maybe some men are ‘affection starved’, but honestly I think it’s a manipulative rhetorical tactic to blame women for men’s sexual dissatisfaction. See also: we use ‘intimacy’ to mean emotional & relational closeness & vulnerability, and men use ‘intimacy’ to mean sex. Eye roll.0
I think as a whole men are affection started, but it’s self-imposed.
My experience dealing with men doesn’t indicate women are mean to men are intentionally depriving them… it would lead me to believe they don’t actually want affection (as a group, I know there are exceptions).
A lot of people assume affection is simply touching someone, but it’s not. It’s a general feeling of closeness/liking and can absolutely be shown physically.
Men, as a group, behave in a way that works against receiving and giving affection.
A lot of them only really care about sex, which is NOT affection unless you actually care about the person which takes time to build. Most men don’t care to put in that time to build it.
We hear all the time that if women don’t put out by date 3, the man moves on.
We hear that men don’t want friendships, they want a sexual relationship.
We don’t even see men building communities with each other, when nothing is stopping them.
So yes, men are affection starved, and I feel bad for the men who genuinely want it, but their behavior suggests they don’t actually want it. They want sex.
I actually think it’s manipulative that we even phrase this topic the way we do.
We know full well there isn’t a male loneliness problem. It’s a sexless male problem. There is nothing keeping most men from being lonely but themselves. They could build their own community. They could build community with women. They don’t because they don’t want that. They just want sex. But calling it “loneliness” pulls on people’s heartstrings.
Well, the last BF would touch and kiss me so little, that I told him: I’ve never been in a relationship, where I’ve been touched so little. I need at least 10 kisses a day.
I kept it funny and cute, but oh boy, it lead to the breakup. I just didn’t feel wanted.
Sooo, I guess some men don’t really handle touch and affection very well.
One of my guy friends told me today he’s never been complimented in any of his relationships. I was like what?! I will hype my man UP
My husband and I, both late 50’s and are together 30 years, are physically affectionate all day long. We touch every time we see each other, everything from a little fist bump while passing to full on hugs and kisses as we pass in the hallway.
I come from “touchy” culture also however I’m not “touchy”. My husband is opposite and very affectionate, loves cuddling, head scratches, back rubs etc. We have found happy medium where we meet each other half way. I show affection but probably not as much as he would prefer on daily basis. I’m always been the same and he knew very well who he married and how much affection I can give without feeling to be touched out. On the other hand I would like sex a lot more often but have to suck it up and be happy with frequency he’s capable of offering lol🙈.
Regards compliments I have my special ones for my husband’s ears only but I compliment him all the time.
We all are individuals with our own needs and limits. In relationship there has to be give and take. Sometimes I’m on giving end and sometimes on receiving as long as both parties are respectful of each other’s needs and feelings I believe compromise can be found.