When I hear those words, no matter how much I tell myself it’s him not me, the negative feelings of “I’m not enough” still takes over because I know that guys who say that will end up in a relationship tomorrow for the “right” one. How do you get over that feeling of “not enough”?
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Honestly, I think it just happens when you finally meet the guy who makes you feel like you’re more than enough. Anyone who walks away from you or doesn’t want a relationship with you, isn’t the one for you. In other words, flip the script, it’s not that you’re not enough, THEY are not enough for you. Keep dating.
One foot in front of the other and he’ll eventually find you. 💕
Not being the right one doesn’t mean you’re not enough.
Unfortunately, it’s just luck and timing and realizing that it’s not personal. When that situation happened to me, I got petty because I think to myself: if you don’t want me, then I don’t want you either because I know I’m a catch.
Reframe it from “good enough” to “compatible” or “right for each other”. There are lots of guys who are “good enough” for me, but most I just don’t really click with or have compatible life goals or values.
It doesn’t mean one of you is better or worse than the other, just not right for each other. And yeah, it hurts if you think you could have a future with someone and they disagree. That’s just life sometimes, it can be painful even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
I think you shouldn’t take rejection personally. Of course it sucks if you actually like the guy, however it’s not meant to be. Perhaps look at it as a blessing of sorts. You wouldn’t want him to pretend to like you and use you as a placeholder. Nor do you want to jump through hoops to please/keep him happy throughout the relationship just for him to leave you or cheat on you.
Dating is a numbers game for a lot of people. Try taking a break to reconnect with yourself and gain confidence back
Have you ever heard of taxi cab theory?
Dating and relationships overall got easier for me when I realized it isn’t about me impressing them trying to become their perfect match but instead it’s about actually finding a good match for me.
I think it takes practicing self-love and truly believing that you are enough regardless of your relationship status or how a potential partner feels. Idk you but think about it, why wouldn’t you be good enough? If you truly believe you are lacking in some way, what attribute can you logically and confidently say you’re lacking? When I used to feel that way about myself I honestly couldn’t think of one reason why I wouldn’t be enough. Okay, I’m not for that person, so what? I think the better question to start asking is, is that person truly someone you’d want to be with? Oftentimes, upon reflection (and finding out further information about the person after our split) I find that my answer is no lol.
Also, as someone who has been single by choice for a while now, I’m sure a few of these men may have genuinely meant that they don’t want a relationship right now. That’s where I am at in my life and I had to turn down a great man because I just don’t want to be in a relationship. It had zero to do with his worth or value.
I think you are looking at this from a female rather than male brain prospective. WOMEN who “Don’t want a relationship right now” are typically waiting for the right one or doing intentional work on themselves. MEN who “Don’t want a relationship right now” truly just want to mess around and have multiple partners. Is that the type of man you’re looking for? Remember; Men and women can say the same thing and mean something totalllllly different by it lol.
When I heard that- I told myself not to jump to conclusions. It’s too easy to do, and you hurt your own feelings.
-could he be…..
Doesn’t matter 🙂 He wasn’t the right situation for YOU right now. You deserve someone that wants to put in as much effort and energy as you do.
When I started working on myself I became the person saying I’m not looking for a relationship, that’s when it all clicked for me. It truly doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person.
I get it out of the way up front. What are you ultimately looking for by dating me. If it isn’t a relationship suck my metaphorical dick hole and move TF on. Don’t waste your time by dancing around it then hearing “I don’t want a relationship right now” after you let him get his dick wet for the last two months. It isn’t worth it, you will just get hurt. Follow me for more tips 😔
Also, men are uncomfortable with their feelings. They might be saying “I don’t want a relationship right now” so they don’t have to tell you the truth about not having feelings for you. Even if it is you, who cares. It isn’t about how valuable you are, it is about chemistry. This can’t be explained or measured. But it does exist. A man could be making 400 grand and share all my relationship interests but if there is no magical feeling what’s the point? I give men the same courtesy to follow this path.
Go to counseling sounds like you need to love yourself first.
You will never be “enough” for some people. The right one will love you better. Found out the hard way.
I think this is the equivalent of when women meet a great guy but there isn’t a spark. Nothing wrong with the person, it’s just that it’s better than wasting someone’s time!
Urgh, I just lose all interest in the dude and move on promptly. I would regret the time wasted dating him and feel absolute disdain toward him for stringing me along. Ew. My self-worth is not tied to these guys.
Honest to god I ALWAYS think about the line from sex and the city where they’re talking about how men aren’t ready for relationships and it doesn’t matter who the woman is, if they’re not ready then they’re not gonna commit. Then POOF all of a sudden their “light” is on and they marry the next woman they’re with.
Obviously SATC is flawed lol, but that scene always resonated with me because I have experienced this so many times.I know it’s oversaid, but when a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship/commitment right now, you have to believe him.
You are enough and you shouldn’t settle for someone who isn’t ready to be enough FOR YOU!
Rejection always hurts. We are social animals. Belonging is one of our fundamental needs. So, rejection by somebody you like will cause some negative emotion. That’s natural. Same way as stubbing your toe hurts. It just human nature.
There is somebody out there, who is right for you, too. With over eight billion humans on this world, there are bound to be a few thousand men around, who would make a great partner for you. You only have to meet one of them. And things will be so much easier, if you are not already entangled in a so-so relationship with some rando, who doesn’t really fit with you. So, take the rejections as a blessing in disguise and keep on looking. For some of us, it just takes a while.
I dump them as soon as I feel any twinge of unsafety. I dumped everyone I ever dated (except 2)
Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
Radical self-love is the answer here. It never feels good to be rejected by someone, especially if we really liked the person. But just know that them rejecting you doesn’t mean you aren’t worth love and commitment. It just means that person wasn’t right for you.
One way I deal with it is taking all that energy and love I poured into that person, and give it back to myself: cooking delicious meals, reading books, watching my favorite movies, doing a fun activity outside, getting a massage….because I’m still worth loving om even if I don’t have a partner to do that
I have a friend going through this right now. It’s so hard to watch her pain. My heart breaks for her. But the reality is that she is one of my most fun, most passionate, and most attractive friends. If I were a single guy wanting to settle down, she would be at the top of my list. But something in her does not make her attracted to those guys who are eager and excited about a relationship with her. She wants a relationship with the guy who pushes her away, then pulls her back. I used to be in a similar relationship. It felt so passionate, but also hurt. I realized that relationship mimicked the childhood wounds I had from my parent’s hot-cold parenting style. So I went against my natural desire (since it was corrupted), and found someone who I knew was saying the good and healthy things, even if I didn’t feel that intense passion. We have been together 4 years-recently married and for the first time in my life I feel like myself-completely unburdened!
One guy I went out with said dating is a like a job interview, and it’s very true (although not romantic when you think of it like that). You both want to ask a lot of questions to see if the other person is “qualified” (once again that sounds odd), and then you have to decide if the person is the right fit. There are many factors that can cause it to not work out or continue, so thinking about it like that helps me feel better.
That’s not necessarily true. Yes it can be used by guys who are not that into you but many people don’t want a relationships for various reasons. I’m that person. As a woman I don’t want a relationship right now so even when I meet a 10/10 man I walk past it. You are and always will be enough. Other people do not determine your value in any shape of form. If you want to get rid of the feeling of not being enough work on internal validation rather than external validation. The only person you need to impress is yourself, now what can you do to achieve that?
You are enough for the right guy. The challenge will be will be finding the right guy. If a guy gives you that reason count as a blessing as you know now as he isn’t your guy.
I was going to ask this same question last night; I’ve been through this a lot lately (well, by my definition of “a lot”) and it hurts. And it does leave you wondering why am I good enough for sex but nothing more. I’ve not figured out a way to get over that feeling, and no amount of “it’s not you, it’s them” will convince me otherwise.
Therapy, honey. There is some part if you that is reacting that doesn’t feel good enough. Therapy can help you work thru this.
Flip the script with yourself. When they say that immediately say to yourself, “We’re not compatible. They’re not the one for me. I’m glad he didn’t waste my time.” And then proactively go look for your person.
When I say that, I absolutely mean it. My dream partner could come along, if I’m not in the headspace, I’m just not.
But as others have said, letting men dictate your worth is not it.
You’re not his cup of tea, but you’re someone’s cup of tea.
It just means he’s not the one for you and you’re not the one for him. I never took it personally. Since if a man can’t realize how great I am? I don’t want to waste time on him. I’m too busy for that.
I think a lot of guys are looking for a relationship for the amount of free labour the woman will do. You know, a woman who will pay half the bills, also do most of the cooking and cleaning, wear makeup and cute outfits everyday, congratulate him for taking out the bins, do a bunch of extra stuff to impress his family, and so on. There are a pretty large amount of women who will do all that and feel like they’re blessed just to be with the guy!
So yeah, Idk, I don’t think most guy would be looking for a relationship with someone like me, because there’s not much to “get out” of me compared to some others. But I don’t see that as a bad thing at all. In my case, I can do far better by spending all that extra time and effort on my career, than on maintaining a relationship with the average guy.
I’m going through this right now with someone who i thought was the best match I’ve ever come across. It feels like a gut punch, but I think I needed to hear this. It makes it hard to try again.
Its really hard to hear “you’re perfect for me, but I can’t give you what you need right now. Maybe in the future I’ll be ready”
I’m so tired.
People looking for long term will tell you that on the first date.
No advice, just sitting here with you on your feelings! It’s so hard and so sad. And all of these nice comments are nice, but to me just sound like platitudes. I think you just have to do the therapy and realize your worth yourself.
Hello sweetheart ❤️
I think anyone saying that to you isn’t worth your time. You deserve so much more than being someone’s fallback plan so unless there’s a damn good reason why he doesn’t want a relationship right now, move on and find someone who realises your worth!
Wishing you the best of luck ❤️