Married 36 years (58m). Love of my life. But…
My “love language “ is physical touch. Not just sex, but anything. A hug, a kiss, a hand on the neck, something that just feels physical.
But there’s nothing. Or very little. Maybe one hug and a little kiss each day.
Btw, her language is acts of service. I clean, do yard work, do laundry, cook often, always ask “what do you need, how can I help.”
She works hard teaching and is always exhausted and overwhelmed. I taught for 20 years so I get it. But come on. It’s April 1 and we’ve made love twice so far this year. We go to bed and she mumbles “good night “ and rolls over. She comes home from work and says hello without even looking at me. She works hard around the house and for our grown children. She is amazing and shouts HER love language all over the place. But mine? Nope.
I can’t cheat on her. It would break my heart and hers. I couldn’t be that disrespectful and mean. I could not throw away the years we have together. I can’t live without her, but I can’t imagine going on for too many more years like this. I dream about other women, but it makes me sick to think about actually acting on it.
What do I do? What have you done? Am I alone in this?
Comments
What did she say when you told her you were feeling like this? What did she say when you asked for more affection/sex?
Are you certain her love language is acts of service? Sounds like she’s missing something too.
If you guys can’t have a real, safe and calm conversation about what’s going on, maybe consider counseling?
I’m trying increasing added attention but not in an overtly sexual way always. I’m not sure how it’s going to work but I got the idea on reddit.
Cowards cheat. Leave or don’t leave.
Love language or no, physical intimacy relaeases hormones that foster bonding. I suggest dropping the love language talk and stick to the basics. Married couples need to have regular physical intimacy. I found a reference recently that suggests couples over 55 normally have sex every other week. Something in that ballpark is reasonable. Don’t accept no. Leave if you have to, but don’t cheat.
From an old guy. Don’t wait. At 58 you’re running out of time. Function and sensitivity does start to drop off in your late 50’s and 60’s. I was in a very dead situation for 25 years. Fortunately I left when I was 55 and had some great experiences after. But, if I could go back and tell my much younger self one thing it would be this. “If you can’t get out (and I couldn’t), find someone else to have a sexual relationship with. For me, I was too much of goody two-shoes and worried about how other people might think about me. No. I should’ve just not cared. I couldn’t have gotten hurt worse in the divorce and look back on all those years I wasted. And she (a little psychotic) probably wouldn’t have been hurt any worse if I had cheated.
Are you sure you aren’t boring her to death?
She is prolly in menopause. Have you thought about that!?