I (24F) have been dating the perfect guy (25M) for a little over a year. He’s sweet, loving, smart, emotionally intelligent, great communicator, totally obsessed with me. Great job, I love his family, and he’ll be a great life partner and father to my children, etc.
However, I still don’t feel entirely over my ex (23M), who I only dated for a few months (and who I would describe as the other love of my life, for an unfortunate lack of other words…). In a month I’m moving back to the area where I met my ex, and doing long distance with my boyfriend for over a year. I have been no contact with my ex, but we are in the same social circles, and I will likely see and talk to him frequently when I’m there. I also want to see and talk to him, as he was a really close and valuable friend before we dated and it’s been hard not to be in contact. We broke up mainly because of the distance, but also because he doesn’t really have his shit together (having a hard time finishing college, not interested in long term plans or stability). Obvious red flags and not aligning with my life plan.
That being said, I miss so much about my ex that I don’t have in my current relationship (mainly his humor and way of loving, thoughtfulness, knowledge of the world and depth of thinking (quite different than bf’s type of intelligence), and how much fun I had with him). It’s awful to say but my current relationship almost feels boring because of how perfect it is.
I did start dating bf before I was fully over ex, and maybe that is the root cause of all of this. But I fear that going back to where ex lives will make me doubt my perfect relationship even more. Logically, it makes no sense to let go of the type of relationship I’ve wanted all my life for someone who already didn’t work out for concrete reasons. I would NEVER EVER in a million years cheat on my bf physically or emotionally (as in, no matter what I feel, I won’t act on it in any way with ex and I’m going to avoid 1 on 1 time with him as much as possible).
So, I guess, my questions are: How can I cope with being in the same place as someone I still have feelings for? How can I reassure myself about my current relationship? Do I need to reconsider my current relationship because of how I feel about someone else? How do I mourn past relationship while in current one?
TLDR: Love boyfriend lots. Still have some feelings for an ex and am moving back to his area. How to feel better about my relationship/figure out if it’s truly right under these confusing circumstances?