Hi! I’m 17 (F) and i’m really scared for the future. I know i’m 17 and that the average 17 year old feels like this but actually I’m petrified and don’t want to do any of it. I’m scared to leave things to chance and see how my life plays out in the next 15 years. My bottom line goal in life is to be happy/ content with my life but the fact idk what that will look like at the moment worries me (alot). I understand many have plans of having money, a successful career, being happily married etc and I’d ideally want those things but obviously not everyone gets those things because that’s reality and I can be in that position just like anyone else. I am reaching an age where everything that happens in my life would be at the cause of my own actions and wouldn’t have a support system (like teachers at school or friends and family) because everyone else too is experiencing their own issues. And the fact that everyone around me has so much faith that i’m ‘going to be fine’ makes it worse. They all feel as though I worry too much and that i’ll be fine because that’s what usually happens with me but to me, I like to plan ahead to avoid disappointment. I’ve felt like this for a while now but it’s been exacerbated cos I have exams soon but ultimately I’m dreading the future and really don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life.
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You looking for advice or just venting?
You’re thinking about too many things at once.
Have you done any research about how to manage general anxiety?
Keep in mind that wherever you go other people will be there going through similar things.
But yes, you can’t control other people.
Would you like being controlled? It goes both ways, humans have free will but we also need connection.
It’s a choice to see that through an anxious instead of a kind of beautiful lens.
Pretty sure you’d not enjoy a life where everything is predetermined for you and you just showed up.
Plan to enjoy the ride! No need to plan out who you’ll be at age 20, 25, 45,55 etc, no life stays on a plan. Just be open to accepting the good and bad and enjoying the ride. You have so many good and bad experiences ahead of you, that you may only get once, so just sit back and let them come. Life is an amazing non stop experience.
I am in my 70s and can remember feeling just like this in last year of high school.
I thought I had to make so many decisions all at once.
But the truth is you don’t, you make one decision at a time and that leads to others.
The biggest one at 17 was if & where to go on to secondary education and what to take.
Even if you feel later you made a mistake you can usually transfer what you have to something else.
Once you take a step to move on at your age you will be meeting others at the same stage of life and you will have lots in common.
Get into meditation and mindfulness practices now and long-term. The clarity and grounding from a disciplined practice will help your racing thoughts and your response to the related emotions. It’s totally understandable to feel this way and dread, fear, uncertainty, etc., are still major issues all through life. I just went to a meditation retreat and I’m almost 50 in part due to the madness of the world that seems to escalate and disrupt my ability to have peace of mind consistently about the present and the future. The goal to reach happiness, whatever that is, is accessible right now in the moment again and again. I introduce my high school students to these ideas with my Mindful Monday singing bowl / breathing in silence sessions 🙂
If this is resonate check out the late social justice/peace activist monk Thich Nhat Hanh books, talks on youtube etc. He’s basically saved my sanity by giving me a way to understand the unjust craziness of the human condition and to respond to it with mental practices rooted in spiritual intention and compassion.
Your goal shouldn’t be to “be happy”. Happiness is fleeting and rare. Instead, your goal should be to “learn to play the violin” or “learn to code in Pascal” or “create a video game” or “create a successful podcast” Those are real, doable goals.
by the way, the future is going to be awesome and it will be EVEN BETTER because you’re in it!
I remember feeling like this. The pressure I felt was overwhelming. Not like my family was pressuring me to be a doctor or lawyer or anything, just feeling that general impending doom of adulthood. 17 is an awesome but weird age to be.
It sounds like your head is in the right place, albeit with some “extra” anxiety, but I promise that even if nothing goes to plan, it’s not as scary as it seems right now. You will find a way to enjoy the ride, and you will get through it all just fine.
If you plan to be happy. Stop planning and just be happy. Be happy with where you are in life. Be happy the sun shines. Be happy you have good things to eat. Be happy to be alive. Just find things to be happy about. You can’t control everything but you can control how you feel. Don’t borrow sorrow from tomorrow
The goal is to find satisfaction, happiness is fleeting and you will be happy sometimes- but if you are satisfied that means you’ve really got a sable foundation for whatever comes your way. Satisfaction comes from small things- taking care of yourself, watering the plant everyday, not leaving dishes in the sink so you wake up to a clean kitchen. Read books, learn how things work, set a tangible goal and follow through. Yes, it all depends on you now. But it’s not a big thing. It’s a million small things. Stop and think before you speak, listen with the intent to understand, give grace to others who may have slighted you. And remember that you can only ever make the best choice you can make in the moment. If you have regrets- just know you did what you thought was best in the moment. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve been doing this with training wheels for 17 years! It’s just time that they come off and you can ride on your own. You can still have a support system. One thing I will ask is that you allow yourself to be bored sometimes. Boredom allows your mind to wander and create beautiful things. It’s ok to be bored- it expands your mind. Best wishes on your continued journey. You’ve already made it nearly two decades.
I feel for you. There’s always a worry as school comes towards an end and the great wide world awaits. Hopefully, whatever happens, you’ve got family and friends to support you. If it helps , we all make mistakes but sometimes these lead to unexpected new paths. I left most of my life choices up to fate and it’s worked out ok. Good luck and try to enjoy the ‘best years of your life ‘. (They aren’t, school can be fun but better times await)