My son is now 7 months old and we have seen the in-laws twice. I really think they are good people at heart, I guess it’s just a common case of baby rabies… I really find these visits exhausting, particularly because of my MIL. I love FIL, he is the most chill person ever and super nice to be around. I really don’t know why I have so much resentment towards my MIL, she is the only person I feel this way towards. I really feel like she means well but there are a couple of things that make me dread being around her
– when they first met baby I was 2 months PP (my husband and I agreed on waiting this long and it was absolutely amazing). The first 2 days were very stressful. Mil would hover, constantly try to take baby, try not to give him back… she also proposed she could sleep in his room (lol what), she tried to peak in the room while I was breastfeeding… it doesn’t sound so bad, it just made be incredibly anxious and I always get this competitive vibe from her
– after the first 2 days the situation relaxed a bit, but it definitely still stressed me out (I usually pump in the evenings, I couldn’t those days because I felt so on edge, it definitely affected my milk supply)
– mil also tries to insinuate that she knows my baby (he wants water, he will now take a nap etc.) – a lot of times she is wrong and it irks me that she is trying to tell me what my baby wants (you have seen him maybe 3 weeks of his life, you have actually no clue)
– mil and fil have a vacation place in a different country. Few weeks ago we went to meet them there (2nd visit). Mil mentioned how my son could spend summers there/ come alone (over my dead body will this happen, unless my son can speak and explicitly wishes for this)
– they constantly comment how the climate in the country we live is so bad for baby & he needs to spend more time at the seaside- which maybe nice for baby but it is again a way of getting us to see them more (tbh love beach holidays but I will not spend every summer with them)
– I have a maid/ nanny who helps out now that I work. She is super amazing and we don’t really need any other help. Mil is now coming over again for 2 weeks because supposedly we need help (this is honestly for her own benefit, won’t be of much help to me). I am dreading it already.
I don’t know whether I am just being mean. I just find her so exhausting to be around. She talks so much and has opinions on everything.. I am an introvert and it really drives me crazy if I cannot get quiet time in my own home..
I have tried to explain to my husband how I feel and he said he is happy to enforce boundaries with his mum.. yet he doesn’t really get the stress I am under when I have to interact with her. Am I overreacting? Is there anyone who feels similar? I also feel very guilty because at heart I know my mil loves my baby and I wants the best for us. I just have this resentment towards her that I cannot explain.. I always feel like she wants to play mommy and I am being pushed aside, I am just the „milk bar“ when she visits… my husband says I need to be more secure and I am baby‘s favourite person and no one can replace me. Deep down I know this. And I have never felt this type of way towards anymore, I am usually happy for people to hold and interact with baby.. just not mil
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It would be very easy to wave her behaviour off as being excited to be a grandmother, but in truth she’s taking advantage of your unwillingness to speak up. If anything you’re under-reacting. I’m not saying you have to be mean or cruel. It’s possible to simply be straightforward about your boundaries. Soft even, as long as you don’t back down. Now, she might call you mean or rude, but that’s her issue, not yours. It’s your baby. Not hers. She needs to accept that willingly, or be made to.