My post history summarizes all of my problems with JNMIL, but she is just very invasive and unkind but always acts under the guise of being kind.
She has came into our home unannounced with nobody home to open packages she “accidentally” ordered to our home. When my sister in law (her daughter) was one month postpartum, my mother in law went into her home unannounced with everyone sleeping and took her baby downstairs without telling her.
I had problems with her during my own pregnancy and postpartum and my child is currently 8 months. I recently went about 3 months NC with them. I’d let my husband bring baby to their house once a month for less than an hour (I didn’t care how long he stayed. That’s just how long he chose to). I didn’t answer text and they did not see my face for months.
Anyway, I’ve been in a better place mentally recently and have gotten better about placing boundaries and sticking to them. I started with visiting them with my husband and child. MIL and FIL would be passive aggressive about not seeing baby as often as they wanted to and would roll their eyes at my parenting choices so I’m not sure how much good the break actually did.
Anyway, MIL came by twice this week unannounced to drop things off. The first time I didn’t say anything because she at least texted me first (telling, not asking, but still). The second time, she was dropping off mail of ours that had been delivered to their house. I thought this was weird because we’ve had mail delivered there for years (we used to live with them) and the system has always been that DH and I pick it up when we visit.
She drops off the mail without telling me during baby’s nap and my dog barks. Luckily we weren’t home, we were running errands and baby fell asleep in the car, but had we been home, he would’ve woken up. It was all junk mail, like credit card offers.
This is our text exchange.
Me: Hey, all of what you dropped off was just junk mail, we don’t get any important mail sent there. DH and I can just pick it up from your guys house!
Her: okay thank you.
I’m just annoyed because I JUST started talking to them again and I feel her slipping back into her usual ways of being intrusive. I’m proud of myself for setting that boundary but her response annoyed me. I feel like she should’ve apologized.
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Other posts from /u/EstablishmentSad4108:
What to say when MIL walks away with baby, 4 months ago
Easter was Not Good, 5 months ago
MIL and FIL referring to themselves as grandchild’s parents, 5 months ago
Is this weird or am I overreacting?, 7 months ago
Do I owe JNMIL baby pics?, 7 months ago
Dumb photo ops. , 9 months ago
Talk me off the ledge. , 10 months ago
Unsolicited advice and more , 10 months ago
Buying too much and wanting to be in the delivery room. , 11 months ago
Baby boundaries! , 1 year ago
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Can you deadbolt your lock when you are home? Or take the key back? Or just change the lock.
I dont think shes going to listen to words unfortunately
She sounds like a lunatic (who goes into someone’s home and takes their child??). I’d definitely take the key back. She isn’t trustworthy enough to have that access. Spare keys are usually used for emergencies, not dropping off junk mail…
I hope she doesn’t have a key…
Change the locks and don’t open the door. She will get the hint quickly.
You need a sign like this. or one like this
Or get a custom sign that says “If we did not give permission for you to visit, we reserve the right to charge $10 for ringing our bell, with an additional $20 penalty if the baby is woken up.”
You can’t make her apologize but you can make it clear you mean business. I actually had a sign on my door during election year because political solicitors said my “no soliciting sign” did not apply to them. It said “if you ring this bell, you are consenting to being recorded. If our dogs wake up the baby, we will report you to all overseeing agencies.” It was the first time we weren’t frequently interrupted during an election.
This is an easy one but takes a lot of bravery.
She already knows she cannot come over unannounced, it’s up to you if you want to lay down this law to her again. You dont have to. Boundaries are important and the most important part is FOLLOW THROUGH.
If she has a key, change the locks. she doesn’t need a key. You can get a keypad lock with temporary codes you can set up for one time use in an emergency or you can hide a key for emergencies. She doesn’t need a key.
Keep your door locked at all times. You should be doing this anyways.
If she comes over unannounced, dont answer the door. Don’t answer the door. Don’t answer the door. Don’t answer her phone call while she’s at the door (she did not call beforehand, she does not get to come in simply because she called you from your doorstep, she did not call beforehand). Don’t answer the door. Don’t answer the door.
She is a child and needs to be treated as such. She’s going to have to learn she has to follow your rules or kick rocks. You need to be firm and consistent with boundaries and consistent with consequences until she learns. If she doesn’t learn, though shit for her.
Does she have a key or code to your house? If so you need to change the locks or code immediately
Text her and say “ from now on we expect you to text and ask if can come over and receive an affirmative response before dropping by. If you you show up unannounced we will not answer the door and you will get a two week time out “. Then actually apply the consequences
You and your husband need to lay down stronger boundaries and tell her to stop dropping by. She needs to be sure it’s okay to come over not just tell you she’s coming with short notice because if baby is sleeping and the dog wakes them up, that is not okay. She’s going to take advantage of this more and more if you don’t draw the line.