Early pregnancy + JNMIL

TW: successful IVF/pregnancy

Good news is that my IVF transfer was successful! Still in the very early days and I know anything can happen but excited nonetheless!!

Now, time to navigate JNMIL… DH went to see her this past weekend. She texted both of us and then I blocked her because I didn’t want to see her name on my phone. I would have the chats silenced but that wasn’t enough because her name was still on my phone. Anyways, she thought we were going to be out of the country with my FIL (to their country) and she also bought a ticket to be there the same time and asked us when we were going. DH told her we weren’t going because of his work and that’s when she told us to see her before she goes then, so DH went.

I haven’t seen her since April but really haven’t “hung out” since February (the worst visit of them all). Okay so get this, this fking lady i guess told her sister that I wasn’t coming and her sister said “She must be pregnant if she’s not coming” and my MIL agreed and was like “Oh yeah she must be” Lady… I have not seen you in months because you were the RUDEST person on this planet to me and every visit we have you reprimand me… AND YOU THINK I’M NOT COMING AROUND DUE TO A PREGNANCY. She also kept asking DH when we were going to start trying (I shit you not, she asks every fking visit, he just saw her a couple weeks ago and asked then like give it a rest).

One, I am annoyed that whenever we do tell her she will be like “I knew it!” stfu, you actually have been left out of the loop for the past 2 years. Two, I asked DH when we wanted to tell his family because my mom and dad know about us going through IVF and so does FIL and step MIL. We told my mom and dad yesterday because if something happens, I’ll need them. DH said he wanted to tell his parents at our 5 week scan which I am fine with BUT I didn’t know he also meant his mom.

Which led me to freak out internally… and I can’t for the life of me think of any alternative… my extended family is eastern European so they YAP… If I tell my FIL and step MIL not to tell anyone because MIL it somehow “almost” gets to her. For example, one time my FIL and step MIL had FILs cousin over who my MIL talks to rarely cause she can’t let go of her past, and my MIL went to their country and asked the cousins wife to pick her up from the airport which then that cousins only common thing between them is DH so naturally she was talking about us. We got lunch with my MIL probably a month after she said “oh, so and so said they you guys are trying” which I just told her they probably just assume because we got married somewhat recently. I actually felt bad that ALL the way across in another country that someone else knew that we were TTC but not my batshit crazy MIL. I asked my step MIL what exactly was said during the visit so DH and I knew how to approach with MIL and step MIL said that the reason the conversation came up is because FILs cousin was talking about how MIL was telling them how we’re bad kids (we’re fking 30 but she likes to say kids) that don’t see her or talk to her. and I said oh okay fk that, can’t believe I felt bad for a second there.

I really can’t see in what world where she does not find out with my FIL and step MIL. I did ask DH if FIL and step MIL can find out before her and he said no problem, which helped a little.

Because she is most likely going to find out next week at 5 weeks, holy fk idk typing that out is crazy because that is 280 days…

I think setting boundaries in place with her knowing is really the only route. If anyone has any suggestions on boundaries to set??