Hi all,
I am a 30F who drifted away from pretty much all of my friends, I had a few close friends who drifted the way over the years. I am more introverted and acknowledge that I should have done more to maintain friendships too.
I feel defective for not have any close friends. I’m pretty easy going and get along with people at work and occasionally get lunch with them, but they have their own friends already and I’m embarrassed that I don’t have any to pursue things further.
On top of that my long-term partner wants to get engaged and wants a big wedding, I’m scared and embarrassed that everyone is going to think I’m a loser for not having friends at our wedding, it makes me want to be alone forever.
I’m mad and ashamed at myself for letting friendships disintegrate and feel hopeless about the future.
Not sure if anyone has advice, or can relate, but I’m really struggling today.
Comments
Your feelings are valid, but remember friendships are a two way street. The “friends” you had could’ve also made the effort. Also, sometimes I think this about people and find out they actually miss me too but life can become overwhelming and we lose touch. I’d reach out to anyone you want to maintain a relationship with and give it some effort. On the other hand, I think we lose touch with certain friends for a reason— we evolve and grow apart. I’m also a F in my 30s and it’s hard to make friends these days but YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE!!!
Honestly, my husband is my best friend. I fill my social bucket through my husband, my kids, and my kid’s significant others. This has been plenty for me, but I stay in contact with some friends I had before marriage, but they live in another state.
Some people don’t need a lot of friends and that’s ok also.
This is more common than you may think, so no shame there. There is nothing wrong with you, this is how life often in your 30’s. Priorities and responsibilities change and people get their socialising from their partners and just being around colleagues during the day.
With that being said there are options to make new friends, bff bumble etc. I have found it takes a lot to build friendships at this stage in our lives. I started volunteering and met a woman who also started volunteering to make new friendships. We have managed to meet twice in about three months because of how busy life gets but it’s fun and nice for both of us to get some socialising outside of work and marriage.
Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. It’s not easy and it’s hard out there. I personally stopped trying to make friends because I got tired of them being one-sided and taking so much work from me to stay in touch. Something that has helped me is I stopped blaming myself. I started to believe that I did what I could and it’s okay that I am tired. Unfortunately it seems like more and more lately people are surviving and in different seasons of life. I think recognizing hey maybe you did drop the ball how can you change that. How can you find ways to stay in touch with people. You have to decide if you want to step back and not change things or change things going forward. Friendship tale effort from both sides. I meet people where they meet me. I no longer overpour. I no longer chase and beg for people to choose me. Maybe you and your husband need to sit down and talk about expectations about a wedding. Maybe it’s not having a wedding party but a fun wedding and reception where no one will even judge if you have friends. Maybe it’s asking cousins or siblings to be in the wedding party. If you really want to have a wedding party its stepping out boldly and not letting being a introvert or someone who can’t stay in touch be in the past. Saying hey I can be brave and step out of my comfort zone. I can join some classes or groups or hobbies. Saying hey I can set reminders to text and call people. I can learn ways to keep the conversation going. I can do it scared and anxious. I can move past rejection and stand in my truth. I know it’s hard and sucks but I also know it’s possible to make friends. Make sure you don’t have huge expectations of letting deep friendships right off the back but just see where things take you. I know for me the biggest thing missing is fun and laughter. I am in a place where I don’t just want to talk about problems and heavy stuff every conversation. I want to be in active part in people’s lives good and hard. Little and big things. Hope you can find courage and step out of your comfort zone