My (45f) best friend (45f) since preschool got into the swinging lifestyle a year ago and it’s all she talks about now.
She is married with kids (she’s hiding it from her kids, obviously). We used to have so much to talk about, but now it’s all about swinging. Who they’re “playing with”, etc.
For example, a few days ago, I texted her a pic of my kid holding up their driver’s license because they just passed the test. Her response: “Yay!” Then two minutes later she sent me a pic of her breasts being cradled from behind by another man.
I’m an open-minded person. I’m not religious (although, ironically she is…she even sent her kid to conversion camp when they came out). But I’m just so bothered by all of this. I’ve told her that I love her, but I’m not super comfortable with her sharing the nitty gritty details of this stuff with me. She laughed it off and called me a prude and continued sending photos and details of her swinging adventures.
Am I taking this too seriously? I’m tempted to end the friendship…but then I feel guilty because we’ve been best friends for 40 years. What do you think?
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It’s super creepy that she’s sending you these pictures.
Is she trying to break you down and groom you?
I wonder if her husband is sending your husband similar to try to get you both interested
You should tell her not to send you those things. If it ends the relationship then so be it, but if the relationship is real, it shouldn’t, right? Saying something easy like “hey I don’t want to see these sorts of things, please don’t send them” is perfectly polite, so if she has a problem with it, then sending a slightly harsher text like “if you send me any more I will unfortunately have to step away from you until you quit being disrespectful” is probably needed.
Also, make sure she’s not sending these to your husband. The only reason to send these things is either to brag or to get you involved.
Sending her kid to conversion camp and sending those nudes just doesn’t align. It’s going to end badly. She sounds mental.
I’d distance myself
She is being super disrespectful. “Alternative lifestyles” should be VERY in to consent. You aren’t consenting to this knowledge or the pics, and her other partners aren’t consenting to her blabbing their business to everyone .
Also, it’s very annoying when a friend lets their new hobby becomes their entire personality, no matter what that hobby is.
I would give her one more serious talk about how you do not want to talk about this with her anymore. If she can’t respect that, then I think it’s a perfectly good boundary that you aren’t going to be friends with someone who can’t respect your “no thank you”.
Sounds like she’s trying to get you into it, or it’s just become her entire personality. Either way, yuck. My bff and her husband have been active swingers for many years. We occasionally chat about it but it’s like her telling me about a fun toga party, like she’d never show me unsolicited pics. I’d tell your friend you are happy for her that shes found a lifestyle she enjoys but set a firm boundary about how much or how little you want to hear about it/see it.
She’s saying that the regaling of her sexual exploits is more important to her than your comfort or boundaries.
If you ask her again to stop with the stories, and she laughs you off, what are you prepared to do? Boundary is my favorite B-word, so I don’t do well when people brush them off or act like I didn’t mention anything. You’ll figure it out when I no longer talk or engage with you, I guess
Wth, it’s so inappropriate to send someone pictures like that when they have explicitly asked you not to. What’s the difference between that and an unsolicited dick pic? Not sure where you’re from, but Cyberflashing is a legitimate crime in the UK.
If she doesn’t cut it out, I’d definitely take some sort of action. Doesn’t have to be ending the friendship, but maybe make her an arms length friend instead of a best friend.
She sounds like hypocrite too. Sends her daughter to conversion camp but also commits adultery. I don’t think you’ll be losing out on much with her
You set a boundary she didn’t respect it. You can continue setting your boundaries by restating your objections to being soo involved, or not replying when she sends those pics or conversations. Also sounds like she’s discovering something she really enjoys and is becoming obsessive about it (I can get like that too so I recognize) but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. You are life long friends so I’m sure You can navigate this new obstacle with tact and keep your friendship.
wtf? First of all I would have cut this friendship off at the conversion camp bit. That’s fucked up. Then it’s even more fucked up that she would send you nude/sexual photos without your consent.
Editing to add. I don’t mean that one thing is more fucked than the other. Both are awful and I would probably tell this person they’re terrible then not talk to them anymore.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. You sent a genuine happy moment of your son and then she proceeded to send you something so off topic. When you told her you weren’t comfortable with her giving you explicit details and she called you a prune. I feel like she’s not listening or respecting your boundaries just because you’ve been friends with her for 40 years doesn’t mean you have to guilt yourself into staying. I would say talk to her again and let her know you can’t listen to the swinging lifestyle anymore and she needs to keep it separate. If she doesn’t respect that then it’s her loss. Not everybody wants to know who’s banging who all the time. If she’s not comfortable telling her kids about her lifestyle, then she needs to understand, her best friend isn’t going to be either. Best of luck 🤞🏽
Nah dude this is weird as hell. We’re poly but we’re not out here sending tittie pics to anyone, especially without everyone’s consent. It’s also not our entire personalities. I’d send her a text that says, “Listen, I’m glad you’re having fun with the swinging lifestyle, but I am not interested, nor did I consent to seeing photos or hearing details. I will no longer be responding to those messages” but if she’s already given you shit for saying no, sounds like you need to back off the friendship.
Swinging is her business, but sending you pictures of it is totally unacceptable. I’d cut her off after that.
I’ll distance myself. She doesn’t respect you even though you have stated boundaries.
I think it was time to swing away from her the minute she sent her kid to conversion camp. If that wasn’t enough, her sending you corn in response to your kid passing a driving test? Bye Karen.
I wouldn’t care about someone swinging, but I don’t want the details of my friends sex life. And I don’t want pics. How is this different from unsolicited dick pics (it isn’t). The conversion camp issue is also a big WTF is wrong with your friend?
I would have walked away the second she sent her kid to conversion camp. Religious?? No, she’s a hypocritical, bullying weasel who seems to be actively trying to groom you. I feel sorry for her kids.
you set a boundary, and she is overstepping it. In an offensive way, to you.
I understand about not wanting to end a friendship, as that is always hard.
however, you’re justified in ending it, if she doesn’t respect your requests.
I’d just tell her how you’re feeling, as in: If she continues to send you those things, you’ll stop responding, and possibly consider blocking her number if you don’t want those types of photos.
Just calling it “people they are playing with” gave me yuck vibes 🤢
The conversional camp is also very rough
I always think going with your gut is important and it seems like a lot of red flags are going off for you. you could always leave the door open, but Say something like “hey I’m worried about you but I can’t keep watching you self destruct. I’ll be here for you when you come back” obviously a little more eloquent than that but the gist is there.
That being said it’s hard to lose friends later in life but it’s a lot more important to distance yourself from people that have turned toxic because it spreads like a virus. I’m sorry you have to go through that, it is really hard.