I’ve (27F) been with my fiancé (32M) for almost 7 years now. He recently proposed, and instead of feeling excited, I feel like I’m falling apart.
A few months ago, I realized I’ve never actually slept with him (or any other man) sober. Not once. Looking back, sex was always something I felt like I had to endure, not something I wanted. Now it feels completely impossible. Like my body is rejecting him.
He’s noticed I’ve been pulling away and his “solutions” have been naked cuddling, massage oil, and acting threatened at the thought of vibrators. But honestly that response just makes me feel more trapped and extremely triggered. When he touches me I want to crawl out of my skin. And the more I feel this way, the harder and closer he tries to cling onto me.
And it’s worth noting that the clinginess is very new in our relationship. In the past, we’ve just kind of… coexisted. He plays video games obsessively and it gives me time and space to breathe. I don’t know why, but it’s like… the more I feel like I need space to closer he tries to get to me. Begging me to have conversations with him by waking me up at 3 in the morning and then getting upset when I’m too out of it to contribute to a conversation. Being upset because I only “let him” try to get me off once since this started happening and I haven’t given in to him asking again. I feel like my boundaries are constantly being pushed and I’m at a breaking point.
I don’t know what to do. I feel detached, panicked, and like my entire future is collapsing. On paper he’s a great guy. But in practice?? I feel repulsed and disconnected. I don’t know how to move forward. Do I keep trying? Do I admit this relationship has run its course? Do I stick it out for another few months and hope that one day I wake up not feeling this way?? How do I even begin to untangle this?
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Communicate this to him, you can’t stick out for any longer because he has needs too which is why he’s probably been clingier. He notices you’re detached. You’re hurting yourself and him here, you need to speak up about your feelings, talk and come to a solution. Communication is key so please OP do not continue suffering in silence
It’s really hard to come to terms with the future you thought you would have and the future that actually makes sense for You.
There’s no good advice here besides actually sit down and have a conversation with him about what you’re feeling and/or take some space to figure things out.
I spent 6 years dating men before realizing that “wow is this what this is actually supposed to feel like?” the first time I fell in love with a woman.
Let yourself process it and don’t rush the process. Be kind to yourself. And be honest, with him and with your own feelings, whatever they may be.
You know you need to break up. Frankly, it sounds like he’s crossing the line into coercive behavior and you two are spiraling into toxic real quick. Don’t let it get bad. Just rip off the band-aid and end it.
I think this relationship has ended, if it even have started. If you feel repulse how can you provide warmth to him?
Then again. Regarding your sexuality. You didn’t specify, if you think you are a lesbian because you rejected him. You may just not feel attracted to him only. Or you might not be into sexuality at all. Unless you do feel attracted to woman.
Anyhow, there are 2 people very unhappy and, if your report is accurate, it is time to change directions quickly, so you can still take something from life.
Is it possible that you are ace? Does the thought of being with a woman get you hot and bothered? Or would you be happy never having sex again? Also ace is a spectrum so you could fall some where along it.
If you are ace and your partner was fine never having sex again, would you want to stay with them? Cause that works for some people.
Either way, the relationship you have now isn’t working and needs to change. Based on how he has responded when you’ve tried to bring things up, it doesn’t sound like he is a supportive person. So I would say the change is to break up. But maybe couples counseling is enough?
Are you sure you aren’t asexual rather than a lesbian?
Admit that the relationship has run it’s course. Communicate clearly your feelings and explain why this isn’t going to work. You need to not be in this relationship. Continuing will only make you both unhappy.
Listen to your body… End of story. Don’t proceed with the relationship. Your heart knows what it wants.
With this place of origin getting married calls for a soon to be divorce. It’s not about who the person is but how you feel around them and what you described sounds idk like you’ve captured yourself and we are calling it a relationship.