Tldr: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what the name for my problem is so I can’t look for help.
I am so terrified of the prospect of being alone that I will let my partner disrespect me and betray me and walk all over me. Just as long as I’m not alone.
Every time he say he needs a little break from me, just wants to spend the day or night alone. Every time I’m terrified that thats the last time I’ll see him. Every time his mood is off I think that it’s all over. Every time I have to say no to something (a particular sex act, an expensive purchase, a suggestion of a plan, anything) I think that he’ll go out and find someone who will be better than me and say yes. Every time I’m not with him I instantly start obsessing over what he must be doing. I’m scared that he’s cheating. I’m scared that I’ll get replaced. I’m scared that he’ll leave me. I feel like I can’t trust him no matter how much he shows me that he loves me. I always feel like he is lying and is secretly looking for someone better.
My thoughts are obsessive and repetitive and most of them revolve around my relationship. It’s the most important thing in my life and my partner is the most important person in my life, above even myself. I always want to make sure that his needs and wants are met before my own needs.
I feel like I need help. My thoughts are very overwhelming. I’m not a psychologist. What is the name for my experiences and does anyone with similar experiences have any advice?