Everyone talks about their toxic ex, but has anyone ever admitted to being the toxic one? Be honest—what’s the most toxic thing you’ve done in a relationship?
Everyone talks about their toxic ex, but has anyone ever admitted to being the toxic one? Be honest—what’s the most toxic thing you’ve done in a relationship?
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I was a jealous boyfriend in my youth. Didn’t trust her. Didn’t trust anyone around her. Judged what she wore, who she hugged, who she talked to. Immature and toxic are apt ways to describe the type of partner i was.
I’m the toxic one in my current relationship
Jealous with his friends
When my ex got a promotion I was secretly resentful instead of happy for him. Started making snide comments about how he’d probably meet someone better at work. My own insecurities turned me into someone who couldn’t celebrate their partner’s success.
I’d ask “what’s wrong?” knowing damn well I was what’s wrong.
Yeah I was telling her she needed to stop certain habbits early on in the relationship. Didn’t like her drinking everyday and getting wasted every weekend. The vape and smoking weed and the constant dumb tattles she’d get spontaneously.
Could have handled it better. She was heavily medicated too and I truly believed the medication was making her sick. She proposed breaking it off and I just ghosted her last message. Think it did a lot of dmg to her I didn’t fight for it
i have a very bad habit of getting into a relationship with someone and then at 3/4 months completely losing interest and just pull away with no real reason and ghosting people i match with for no reason despite hating when it’s done to me…..
He was violently, sexually, financially , emotionally abusive. I quite literally did nothing wrong except stay too long. That’s why I’m so messed up now because, had I done something wrong I could understand. But because I wasn’t? I’m like wtf?????
I got to a point where I would snap at any interaction with her and was extremely toxic in many ways. Probably the most toxic thing specifically I had done was getting to a point of putting holes in the walls of my mold infested house.
It took a lot of time and lack of sleep to break down to that point.
Mine is probably making up a whole fake person and story complete with a social media, texts and emails to myself to make a guy jealous 😭 Not my finest hour
100%! i’m not going to list all the things i’ve done, but i’m a firm believer in reaping what you sow. i’ve been toxic in all of my relationships from cheating, to lying, to manipulating situations to get my way. it’s important to reflect on your behavior and learn from it. also don’t forget to forgive yourself and leave the pity party.
I think there have been times where I’ve definitely valued my privacy and alone time in a relationship past healthy and into selfishness and being kind of alienating.
Acted like my mother.
Been an undiagnosed and unmedicated bipolar person has to rate.
My first marriage falling apart was all on me ceasing effort, and before then not thinking of my partner nearly enough. She was a saint and didn’t deserve my BS. I owe her about 3000 apologies; she is no-contact and I won’t try to interrupt her life.
I cheated on my ex boyfriend. It was covid and I was drunk. I also hated him. That’s no excuse for cheating, but I felt stuck. I had no money, no job, and was living with my boyfriend at the time. His friend from way back when, knew each other since they were like 12, came over with a few other guys and we got to talking. At one point I went outside to smoke and he followed, we made out, then met up later to hook up. It was secretive, it was awful, and I knew it. He knew it too, him and my ex stopped talking. The dude I cheated on him with ended up giving up drinking and going to AA over it.
The kicker is my ex never found out. We’ve been broken up now for like 3 years and I never plan on telling him.
I used to have unsolved childhood issues and would get drunk and cause terrible arguments between my exes because I thought I was unlovable and everyone would hurt me or cheat on me. It came out as super angry and unstable at them instead.
Thank god for therapy and healing
I was definitely an awful human to have a relationship probably until my 30s (luckily I didn’t have many ha). I had a lot of unresolved issues from my childhood, a lot of shit I needed to work out about why I felt and acted the way I did. Even now at 41 and I feel like I’ve only in the last few years because of an amazing psychiatrist really been able to unpack things properly but for a very long time I just had no role models for emotional intelligence and it showed
I think it goes both ways, toxicity feeds off one another. Unless you’re a psychopath no one goes into a relationship with the intent of being toxic. Sometimes we bring out the worst in someone and they bring out the worst in us. The relationship becomes toxic, to both people. The opportunity to address your own faults should be addressed and probably, not while with the person. Toxicity is a byproduct of unaddressed personal issues and trauma.
Used to be extremely jealous and overly possessive but I learned the trait from my ex girlfriend, we were both just as bad as each other.
I was incredibly passive aggressive and instead of just asking questions for clarification or having the tough discussions, I would punish my partners with silent treatment or just ghost them altogether. I was 100% the toxic partner back then.
Before 24 I was egotistical, looks driven, lying, cheating, sleep with a poisonous snake POS. Now I am the exact opposite. So yeah, I was toxic.
Lol I was absolutely the toxic one with my HS ex boyfriend. Luckily I can laugh about it now but I also still cringe about how insecure I was. I was just so clingy and would call him a million times trying to find out where he was cause I didn’t trust him. I flirted with other guys but would lose my mind if he talked to another girl. Like just crazy person shit. I mean he wasn’t perfect or anything but I was just batshit lol. But I was also like 17 and had a lot of maturing to do. So many lessons learned. It’s just an exhausting way to be in a relationship. But life is funny and now I’m so happy with my wonderful husband who I just trust because I know you either commit to trusting someone or drive yourself fucking miserable being constantly suspicious. And my ex is now married to an amazing woman and it’s just so cool to see how life can turn out. Lol he actually cheated on me with his now wife which was devastating at the time but now when I look back it’s like I cheer them on? I know that sounds weird but like I just know how cute they are together and what a wonderful family they have and they should be together, and it’s so easy to see in hindsight how wrong we were for each other. Finally being done with him was so freeing and I grew so much. I’m sure it helps that a few years later I also met someone who is a way better fit for me and I learned to let go of what you can’t control and just trust someone. Otherwise you spend every day torturing yourself.
I got severely drunk in a new living situation out of high school and cornered my gf at the time over a minor disagreement. I didn’t do anything besides get in her face and yell, but the downstairs neighbors could hear everything and called in a domestic. By the time the cops showed up, I was on the couch crying and apologizing to my gf, who I was holding in my arms, and the cops bust down the door and cuffed me. I spent a long weekend in jail on underage drunkeness and 5th degree domestic assault, but she refused to testify since I didn’t hit her (I understand that assault CAN include threats of violence). We broke up shortly after. I don’t get so drunk anymore.
An up vote on this thread is for the bravery of admitting it. Upvote, downvote, is a flawed system in this case (and others).
I was definitely toxic in my last relationship. The problem was that the ex was also toxic. My psych wasn’t a fan of the ex’s more controlling behaviour.
I started treating her the same way she had been treating me.
i was an workaholic and it wasn’t even a regular type job. I did make money on it, but not enough to justify it. It bled into everything. Sometimes he’d hang out in my office while i worked just to get to spend time with me. I was a bad girlfriend during that time. He turned out to be a giant prick, but that time it was 100% on me.
I wasn’t taking his needs into consideration or even bothering with anniversaries or proper mutual friend hangouts or anything. It was just work 24/7 and it was problematic because it was online, so i was able to be social while working kinda, but i was rarely fully present and when i was i was exhausted.
It went on for like a year and a half. I was also often irritable and stressed because i had so many orders. I had to hire staff. It only really stopped because my health got worse and then i was retired at 30. I haven’t worked like that since. Now my main project is life with a chronic illness + a few other conditions and for the past few years, i’ve been learning the craft of writing. Not for publishing, just for me.
Cheating. Long ago, I had been cheated on by a couple girlfriends, plus a coworker I’d hang with telling tales and showing photos of the women he was fucking behind his wife’s back, and other people I knew having affairs.
For no good reason other than a woman was attracted to me, I started having sex with a woman behind my then-girlfriend’s back. I partly hated myself but I partly rationalized it with some twisted, “I’ve always been the good guy and suffered for it while everyone around me cheats and benefits with extra sex, it’s my turn now.” And I cheated multiple times while maintaining a “good guy” image. I got good at gaslighting any suspicions, and that added to the self-hatred too. At least I was paranoid about pregnancies and diseases, so always practiced safer sex.
Finally the self hate overcame the entitlement, I quit cheating on girlfriends, got lots of therapy, came clean to my then-partner, and readjusted my attitude.
Years later, here I am happily married, and when I encounter an attractive woman, it doesn’t go anywhere in my brain beyond maybe glad I got to see a pretty woman. It’s been years since I’ve wanted more out of the interaction.
I shoved my husband once many years ago and the next day got into therapy. I grew up watching my parents physically fight and we promised each other we’d never be like that. 14yrs later still together. Therapy and anxiety meds helped a lot.
I was verbally abusive a few years back, i’d say 16-18. I’d say the meanest most scum things when i didn’t get what i wanted and they just wanted me to stop being angry and rude so they’d do whatever. i was the most disgusting person ever. i got my karma a few months later when i met a diff guy and he did that + 10x worse to me. i learned very quickly, apologized & have been a better person since then. some people just need their a** whooped. i was that person that needed that.
I didnt goto therapy for my audhd, cptsd, and made her be the source of my happiness because i craved to be loved.
No one else should be responsible for your own happiness.
I’m genuinely unsure of this one. I honestly believe I’m not a good partner (a running theme in a lot of my relationships is that I am blamed for the failure of the relationship) but in therapy every time I’ve brought forward examples of things (and I have a number of them off the top of my head, though I’ll save that for if anyone asks because I tend to be very verbose in my writing and this is likely already too long) that my past partners have cited as abusive/toxic, my therapist(s) (I’ve had a couple over the years due to life circumstances) doesn’t see it that way so I don’t really know.
On the one hand you’d think they’d know and be honest with it being bad because that’s, well, their job and they’re trained professionals.
On the other it has been said to me often enough by enough partners that it feels crazy to think they’ve been wrong, so eh?
I sure have. Therapy is key
I sure have. Therapy is key
I am just a really horrible person. I love my old lady so much, but I treat her like absolute shit. I have lots of excuses, bad childhood, Mama didn’t love me, all that good stuff, but at the end of the day, this woman should get far, far away from me.
How can you say that you love someone and then treat them so horribly?