35f. The loneliness has given me a physical ache in my chest. I’ve spent the day periodically crying.
I have been lonely for so long. Yearning for love, yearning for the chance to be seen. The few men who I become vulnerable with turn out to just want sex, or validation and disappear. I have gotten ghosted more times than I can count. The apps are filled with men who want to fuck me and leave.
It’s embarassing, to be my age and to admit all I want is to have my hand held by someone who wants to. To be in the arms of someone who wants me there. It’s like I have this weight of love I want to give someone and nobody wants it.
Then my therapist and the internet will tell me that I need to love myself first. “Work on yourself!” But when the depression from being alone is so heavy, how do I get up to start that? What do I do when the pain is so deep that I don’t feel worth loving. Don’t feel worth the effort.
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I’m so sorry for your experience. You’re not alone in your struggle and I truly believe that most people feel the same you do and never talk about it. I wish I could answer your question but I don’t even know how to answer it for myself.
For what it’s worth I’ve found it helpful to think about what the me in 10 years wished I had done right now. I hope you find your own thing that works for you.
You’re not alone.
I’m sorry you can’t find the right person. But don’t stop looking.
You might ask yourself what would happen if you never do. What part of living will remain the same for you and what will change. The parts that remain are the parts you should work on. These are the essential you that is what self care and development are about. Making your life as good as possible and finding peace and kindness to yourself there. Helping others, being health in diet, exercise and gratitude for the good things in your life are also important. Doing things that make you happy and feel better.
I’m sorry you can’t find the right person. But don’t stop looking.
You might ask yourself what would happen if you never do. What part of living will remain the same for you and what will change with a partner . The parts that remain with no partner are the parts you should work on. These are the essential you that is what self care and development are about. Making your life as good as possible and finding peace and kindness to yourself there. Helping others, being health in diet, exercise and gratitude for the good things in your life are also important. Doing things that make you happy and feel better.
Just as others have said. You are not alone. Imagine you scrolled past some other girl posting the exact same thing and feeling the exact same way you’re feeling. What would you say to them?
Now, imagine you have a best girlfriend that is feeling the way you are right now. Treat yourself like someone you care about because you SHOULD care about yourself and you know it. Say the same thing to yourself. every single time you start feeling this way remind yourself again and again and no matter what happens around you, you’re always going to have yourself and that counts for more than you realize. You’ll can get to a place where you keep yourself warm. ‘Its just me myself and I’ – G eazy
Also if that don’t work for you message me and I’ll be that friend for you.
A little over 7 years ago now I was engaged to what I thought was the love of my life. She was pregnant with our child and we were both excited to start a family together. At least I thought she was.
My mom had fallen ill and spent a week in the hospital before she died. This was not long after I had gotten engaged. My mom was the last family member I had alive at the time, and when she died, that was it for me. I needed someone to open up to but my wife-to-be was nowhere to be found.
She popped back up the next day. We weren’t living together yet because she worked in a different town at the time. When I asked her were she was and why she stopped responding, she responded with no good answers. Nothing made much sense and it was easy to tell she was hiding something.
I found out she was cheating on me with another guy because that guy’s wife vandalized my ex-fiance’s car while it was in the driveway of his house.
She called me to come help her. This was the same day I gave a eulogy to a bunch of empty chairs. No one bothered to show up for my mom’s funeral.
I remember having trouble breathing then I went numb. for about 6 years I had completely given up on relationships of any kind.
Last year I decided to start working out again. I started feeling better. I started reading books on how to process my emotions. That helped me. I started eating better and that helped get my energy back.
I started hiking again too. Being outside in nature makes me feel a lot better. Makes me feel centered. Hard to explain but I love it.
It takes time. But you can do it. Find what you need, find your peace. One step at a time.