We dated five years, and three of those five years we were engaged. We kept putting the wedding off because she’d graduate from her professional program in May 2026. I (26M) admit I was very poor at communicating my wants and needs, but I always felt second place to her (25F) parents, dogs, school, or TikTok. Every holiday during our relationship was spent sith her parents. She said I could visit my parents, but she would stay with hers for the holidays.
This past spring (2025), her mom was sending me job postings, wanting me to apply to jobs in their hometown. Memorial Day Weekend, the two of us had a trip planned, but she canceled because her mom wanted her to visit their home town. The week after Memorial Day, I went on a business trip, and when I returned, I was informed that her parents are buying a practice for her in their hometown. I felt so angry and hurt that I had not been included in the conversation that supposedly would change both our lives. I stewed in my resentment. I decided to break up with her, and she said was totally blindsided. She said, “I thought I was going to die next to you.”
After the breakup conversation, she went no contact. Part of me wonders if I should have worked more on the relationship. Another part of me wonders why I didn’t leave two years ago. I hurt that I hurt her, and that I lost my best friend.
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If you married her, your whole life would be around what her parents wanted. That doesn’t sound like a happy life. Your ex didn’t seem to care anything about your wants or needs. Why didn’t she ever spend time with your family? Why didn’t she ask about your desires after her graduation? Because she didn’t care.
Hey Sweetie, you should always expect communication with your partner in regard to life decisions and you should never be pushed to the side by them.
You sound sad about the breakup and that is a good thing, as that shows you had true feelings that were not returned fully by her.
Be kind to yourself and grieve the relationship, but you are not the No.
Love from an Internet Mum
I assume that most of your relationship involved prioritizing what your ex wanted. It may be that you’re still doing that. She accused you of blindsiding her but is that really accurate?
Your ex decided to move back home and informed you of the fact. There was no discussion. She expected you to simply comply with what she wanted. That was potentially relationship-ending behavior. But she didn’t see it that way because she assumed you’d react passively.
It’s natural to have doubts and feel ambivalent. It may only be when you meet someone who makes you a priority that you’ll 100% know you did the right thing. To get closer to that mindset, think of what your life would be if you did follow her to her hometown. Her parents and family would dominate her life even more and you’d be treated as just a plus-one.
Dodged a bullet I think. Your instinct to break up with her served you well, even though it’s sad at the moment. She expected to just be able to railroad your life!
> I always felt second place to her (25F) parents, dogs, school, or TikTok.
I didn’t read any further.
It is not worth the hassle.
Nope.
Nope Nope-ity Nope Nope Nope!
You weren’t n a relationship with her, you were a tag-along in her relationship with her family. She never once stopped to think about what you wanted, needed, thought, or even felt. She went so far as to plan out where and how you were supposed to live the rest of her parents’ lives without so much as a word to you.
How was she supposed to ‘die in your arms’ (dramatic much) when she never managed to crawl out of her mother’s lap?
She wasn’t that into you, or she would have prioritized you. And how is someone ‘blindsided’ by their own behaviour?
I’m sorry but you were last in her life. It’s not worth it because you will always be last.
You are grieving the life you imagined with your ex, not the life you were actually going to have. Your ex is enmeshed with their family and THAT was their primary relationship. That isn’t sustainable for a healthy relationship. Your ex did not value you. They did not make the sacrifices of their family to commit to you for holidays. They made major life decisions with their parents, not their partner?
Your life would not be your own as is. Should you have spoken up? Absolutely. But your partner also didnt ask. They didnt notice that you were being dragged around. They didnt seek your opinion or consider your feelings at all, either. Their mom was just assuming you were moving there and trying to find you jobs. My MIL actually did this to me, too. Its inappropriate and infantilizing. You also were never asked to move there and start your life.
Every aspect of your life would be without your input if you didnt put an end to it. There were good times, I’m sure, but when it comes down to it you were not a priority.
If you had kids, you wouldn’t decide how to raise them. If you wanted a pet, you wouldn’t be picking what YOU wanted. All holidays you’d have to assimilate into their family and fulfill a role designed for a title, not an individual.
There was no space for you and I’ll bet you didn’t speak up BECAUSE you knew your fiance would not accept or honor your needs.
WTF OP – she wasn’t your best friend and you weren’t hers. You were just an accessory to her ‘fairy tale’ life.
Dodged a good sized bullet there I’d say.
The hard thing was the right thing. Stay strong my brother.
you did the right thing. short term pain is much better than long term agony and disrespect.
You are young. Find someone who respect you and consider you a partner in life.