So basically, my (M21) girlfriend (F21) of three years left me a couple months ago. I still love her very much and have been trying to respect the distance she wants to maintain while she thinks about how to proceed in the future, but she has recently been publicly liking mean Instagram posts about me and I’m not sure how to proceed.
Basically, one post she shared in particular was a post saying “Reminder ladies: your man crying when you break up with him is him manipulating you one last time.” I was absolutely shocked, and honestly terrified when I saw that, and I’m not sure what to do. Would it be appropriate to text her and ask her about that?
She’s also mentioned in the past that if she were to leave me, then I should move on and find someone else and do what makes me happy, but like at the same time, I’m not sure if I really feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with another person if I have a history of being abusive.
Am I overreacting about his whole thing? I’m not sure if anyone else here has encountered similar things. I still have the utmost trust in her and her word, and I feel sick to my stomach that she thinks I was manipulative/abusive throughout the relationship and I don’t know what to do
TL;DR- Ex girlfriend posting/liking things about me on Instagram saying I was manipulative/abusive, I’m not sure how to react or what to do
Comments
It is not appropriate to ask her about it. Enlist a professional
Most abusers don’t respect the distance requested or ask themselves whether or not they’re abusive.
Honestly sounds performative/attention-seeking on her part.
Regardless—your best move is probably therapy. You’re very young, and all of your “adult” dating experience is with one person. That doesn’t give you much perspective.
Work on yourself. Try to care less about what she’s doing. My guess is you’ll realize she was less lovable than you remember and you’ll start feeling better about the breakup when you start talking to a professional.
It’s hard to say without much context.. Just from the post alone, it sounds like she might just be immature. Maybe has an overexaggerated idea of what abuse actually is. If you’ve respected her boundaries from the beginning up until this point, then you are fine. But again, it’s hard to say without seeing the whole picture. On the other hand, if you consistently cried to keep her from leaving you, then, yes, this is a form of emotional abuse. Look up abuse in relationships and see if you spot any similar behaviors in your relationship, that’ll give you a clear answer. Just crying one time isn’t a cause for concern, it’s when it becomes an unhealthy pattern to control the other where it becomes a problem.