I feel like I got a revenge fantasy fulfilled, but it doesn’t actually feel very good. A year ago my girlfriend of 2 years left me seemingly out of the blue. A few weeks later she was dating a new guy. I don’t think she cheated, but I do think she developed an interest in him and broke up with me specifically to date him. He’s definitely more attractive than I am and has a better job so in a way I couldn’t really blame her. Obviously there’s more to a man than his looks and his income, but on a surface level he’s way better than an average looking guy like me who just fixes computers in a back room all day.
Once I saw that I removed her from everything and did what I could to put her out of my mind. I moved on and hadn’t heard anything about her until a few days ago when she messaged me asking to talk. She wanted to meet up but I told her I’d rather never see her again so she can text if she wants to say anything. She told me that her new guy had become abusive and when he found out she was pregnant he demanded she terminate or he’d leave her. So she left and moved in with her parents.
She went on about how bad her situation had been with him for awhile. His parents look down on her and accuse her of being after their money, actually tried to convince her privately to leave their son so he could find someone else, and a few other unpleasant things. Whether all this is true I have no idea.
She then hinted at wanting to get back together but I shut that down immediately. Told her I’m not going to take her back after she discarded me for someone else only to come back with his child and expect me to be some safety net for a woman I no longer feel anything for. I told her to lose my contact info and leave me alone then blocked her. She tried a few other ways of contact but I just block and refuse to engage further.
This feels like a scenario a lot of guys dream of. A sort of fucked up revenge on an ex that hurt them. But all I feel is sad. That child has a rough life ahead of them with a father that wants them to not exist and a mother who I also don’t think too highly of now. I “won” the breakup I guess but its a hollow victory. I feel kind of dumb for it but I cried a bit this morning thinking about it and I don’t want to tell anyone else about this in person so I’m sharing it here.
Comments
A man’s best revenge is to move on and succeed in life without her. That will destroy her way more than this.
Don’t gloat. Don’t let your inner feelings show. Move on. Be a real man and move forward without pointing back(and laughing). I bet you really feel good inside(normal after what she did), but don’t be a boy and let it be known.
You are a good man and you deserve someone better than her. You cried because of the finality of your relationship. It is not revenge but karma. I hope that you get some good karma and find the person you are meant to be with.
Hey man don’t feel ashamed of crying. It’s human, something we all are.
But you live your best life and leave the trash behind you ✊🏽
> its a hollow victory
You’re a well balanced person. You’re alright. Don’t change.
Just let her know the truth. Your not raising kids that aren’t yours with someone who betrayed your trust.
I mean I get what you’re feeling and you don’t have to take her back or even see her. But she’s been abused and abandoned you could show compassion and try and help in some other way. I know this will get downvoted because it’s happening to a dude, but like, she left. She didn’t cheat, didn’t steal from you, just broke up. She’s a human that you used to love, not a terrible monster you have to put in her place. You don’t know why she left? Did you talk to her about it at the time? And regardless of all that she’s been through some hell escaping an abusive man and you only have scorn for her? Wow.
Sounds like she only wants you back to have someone to help her with soon to be child.
Looks like she fell hard while monkey branching …haha. She’s on her way to becoming a used up hag living off child support.
F her. She destroyed you to marginally improve her situation. How do you do that to someone you love? Answer: you don’t.
She was never who you thought she was…who you fell in love with was a figment of your well meaning imagination. Work on spotting the red flags 🚩 earlier and find yourself an undamaged woman. You’ll be over this eventually and feel silly for letting her affect you so much..
You are decent person and deserve so much better and you will get that. Best of luck
You feel bad because you’re a genuinely good man. She sees that and wants to take advantage of it because she’s a POS. You did well by setting a firm boundary.
The fact that none of this feels good goes to show that you are a good guy. I agree that poor baby is going to have a rough time in life with parents like that, and it’s sad. Good that you blocked her.
To me, it just shows how little respect your ex has for you — she breaks up, has a kid with someone else, and still thinks she can ask if you want to get back together lol.
She’ll be fine. She’s having a child with a dude that has money. He can’t just abandon them, legally he has to take care of them. It’s good that she’s out of his reach as far as the abuse goes. Hopefully her parents are nice and she’s safe now that she’s back with them.
Not reveling in someone’s misfortune just shows that you have a good moral compass. There’s no gain in it.
It’s okay to be sad for her, she made a big mistake and ended up in a bad situation. Being sad for her just means you’re a kind hearted person. That being said, you seem to know this already but you don’t owe her anything. She messed up, but it seems like she has a good support system and that her family will take care of her and the baby. You’re a good person, you deserve someone that sees you as the catch you are. She will be okay, and you will be too. Never change, OP 🙂
You’re a good person. Just keep moving forward and don’t look back.
You are not responsible for your ex and her child. She made her choices.
You handled this perfectly. Retained masculine frame and maintained your boundaries. She was trying to slither her way back in your yard but the fence was too solid.
You sound like the most wholesome. Solid. Loving and level headed man bro. Proud of you for staying true tk yourself and the only thought your having is about the kid . That speaks volumes. The next girl you get with will be lucky to have a man like yourself brother .
Hell no!
Take everything she tells you about what’s happening with a grain of salt. She may be trying to get on your sympathetic side and telling lies to get you to “save” her.
I think it not being a ‘win’ is that you genuinely cared for her, and you’re not an awful human being.
What you’ve won is the opportunity to find someone who sees you, the way that you did the work to see her. And people experiencing the repercussions of their actions, though karmic, doesn’t feel nice. Others having hard times doesn’t feel nice.
It’s not shameful to have feelings, especially when someone you truly cared for continues to reappear and treat you as optional. You shouldn’t feel alone, you deserve to share your feelings with your support system. The finality here sucks, you’re valid in that and allowed to feel that it sucks.
This was me about 10 years ago. Live your life. She did this to herself. My ex tried to get back with me after getting pregnant. Then she tried to say that the child should have been mine. I said you should have thought about that before you cheated and got pregnant
Sorry you had to go through this my friend. You did yourself a solid by being firm and true to yourself however. You are not a safety net, and deserve better. It may hurt short term, but let the healing begin and walk with confidence forward.
It’s just a shit situation all round
I’d feel sad in your situation too – she got her head turned thinking she could ‘do better’ only to destroy a relationship that was probably much healthier for her and made her happier. There’s no coming back from that now and she left you to pick up the pieces so there’s no reason you’d want to try and go back
You’re doing the right thing and you’ve responded in the right way, but I completely get your feelings
Let me tell you how sorry I am this happened to you. I don’t think there are any winners here. I will tell you I think you handled yourself as healthy as you possibly could. That will only benefit you in the long run. It’s still a really sad situation. Thank you for sharing your story.Your story.
Pity is not a good reason to reconnect. Remember that at your weakest moment
Well, she fucked around and now is finding out.
Man. Years ago a woman dumped me before I left for grad school. About a decade later I got a message on Instagram asking to reconnect. She was a single mom too. Honestly it does not nearly feel as vindicating or satisfying as Reddit will lead you to believe. All I felt was apathy tinged with a slight sadness for what could have been.
She cheated. Most women only leave a man out of the blue because she was monkey branching. Your ex was looking for your replacement and found it
The feelings you have are easy to track:
You’re a good person.
You cared for your partner.
If you’re right, she did ‘the-right-thing’ and broke up rather than cheat.
Chips have fallen.
Do Not allow your goodness to be weaponized against you. Stay strong.
It’s okay for feel sad about it, but for the love of God do not take her back! She discarded you. Live a good life and forget her. Actions have consequences and she will just have to live with that.
Ditch the witch
It’s a sad situation. No shame in crying and feeling it. She’s fucked you over, and fucked herself over. Sad situation, but that’s life sadly. She made mistakes, mistakes have consequences. Sorry this all happened to you, but really the only way forward is what you’re doing: move on and remove her from your life.
Nothing wrong with you feeling bad. It just means you are a good human being.
Good for you. She made her bed,now she can lie in it.
But if he is well-off, she shouldn’t be worried anyway. He’ll likely have to pay her child support. She’ll be okay.
She was just looking for sympathy.
I’m happy you didn’t take her back.
When I moved back in with my parents to begin filing for divorce of my marriage, my ex begged me on his knees and made a huge performance out of his crying while blubbering that he needed me to give him 6 months to “finally do everything I asked him to do”. I told him he maliciously wasted 5 years of my life, I wasn’t going to let him waste another second.
He proposed we “rekindle our love” and sent me pics of him cleaning the apartment, refilling the fridge with sushi (one of my favorite foods) and sent pics of part of my collection that I forgot to pack and take with me saying I can have this if I just come back to the apartment alone and “talk”.
Psycho murderer vibes much? 🙄
I continued with the divorce, found out he cheated on me but told everyone I cheated on him instead since I was the “bad guy” who filed for divorce and refused to “fix things” with him.
Fast forward 4 years, and I’m living incredibly well. I have an amazing WFH job, I married my best friend who also has an awesome job that pays very well, and we live across the country together. We paid off our brand new car one year TO THE DAY that we bought it together, we have a 1 year emergency fund, a down payment on a house, no debt (individual or combined) and we’re so madly in love with one another. We also are childfree!
If I ever ran into my ex again, I’d treat him as a stranger and not even acknowledge his existence. He never grew up but expected me to pay for him his whole life just because I was supposed to be a “Christian wife” and he thought it was okay to cheat on me, lie to me, and beat me when he didn’t get his way. Now he lives in squalor and can’t keep any kind of job, he had 10 for our entire 5 year marriage and got fired or quit because it was “too hard”. 🙄
My revenge is fulfilled even if he never knows.
I even gonna read all that shit, look out your title, and then ask yourself why would you even consider that.
You felt empathy for someone who has wronged you in the past. You don’t have to help them or let them back in your life in any way but being able to still feel for the situation (not them) is a very profound thing and we need more people like that.
its a Pyrrhic victory at best as you mostlikely saw yourself having kids with her one day and its sad that now she has one that its ruined due to how it came to be.
This is never a feel good situation, but it is a relief that you avoided a life with her. She clearly is looking for “better“, and views you as a soft landing.
You deserve much better person than she is.
Brother. Same exact thing happened to me. But I was an ass clown and did the exact opposite of what you did. Fucked me up way worse.
Smart man.
So she blamed you for leaving you?
This is some serious monkey branching. One of the best I’ve ever seen.
You are a good person.
Bro, you have a good heart. Never look back at this woman and let her go. Save that for someone who’ll appreciate it. Be picky. Be patient. The right woman will find you.
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You sound lime a great guy. Being the computer guy in the back room that fixes things doesnt make you less. Looks and money mean nothing in the long run and she lost a good guy to figure that out. Im sure you are handsome, you just dont have a big head about it. You did great and you are allowed to still get sad and mourn the past. Just know your future will be better without her. Good luck!!!
It sounds like you’re a decent guy! Try to show some sympathy for her situation. If you’re really not interested in her romantically, just say that and don’t try to “twist the knife” in any way. Men can be as easily let a stray by a pretty face as can women.
When I see stories about such extreme karma where the OP actually feels happy and vindicated about it, the chances of it being real drop pretty drastically in my opinion. It’s one thing to be like “oh look, the person who rode my bumper until I pulled over for them to pass, just got stopped by a cop for speeding. Lol that’s what you get”. But when it comes to bigger issues, people in general really overestimate the satisfaction of revenge or karma, unless they’ve experienced it for themselves.
Sometimes the karma is completely warranted, sometimes it’s debatable, sometimes it’s just petty. But no matter the case, it never really feels “good”. More often people end up thinking “why did that have to happen? Why did things have to be this way, get to this point? I would have so much rather the terrible stuff this person did just not have happened at all”.
Anyway. I’m sorry you’re in pain OP. You did the right thing protecting your peace, without going nuclear or rubbing it in. Remember that bitterness and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill someone else. You’ll be ok.
Good job by moving on, it’s when you’re done that they realize that they’ve made a mistake, you deserve someone much better.
You are in a great scenario because some guy on a different r posted a few days back he is getting divorced. She was cheating and had the child. Dna proves it is another man’s child yet he still BY LAW must pay child support until 18. Give yourself a high 5 and never take her back
Seems like people who upgrade don’t understand that the person who stole them also knows that they are a gold digger. She got treated like she wanted to be treated. If you can be bought, then you can be sold or discarded when the buyer is done with you. Classic. Some people think they are the only people with vaginas and penises. That theirs’s special and it can’t be gotten anywhere else. She got pregnant for nothing and is now on her own. Best of luck with all of that.
Protect yourself. Go find a cool girl who respects you. This is F’ed.
You seem like a good dude. You have empathy for the kid and, to a degree, your ex. That’s a good thing. At the same time, you’re not taking her back. And it’s pretty wild she’s still trying to contact you after you said no and blocked her, that’s crazy of her.
Stay strong. Keep blocking her and consider reporting the harassment if she keeps it up. Don’t let your empathy make you help her out (best for you to keep her out of your life for good) but don’t look at it as a bad thing. You’re human.
And there’s NOTHING wrong with having a job fixing computers in a back room (my husband has a kind of similar job, what’s the issue with that?).
If you want to, you’ll find your person one day. It’s definitely not your ex, though I hope she gets her shit together for her kid’s sake, if not her own. But that can’t be your problem.
It’s good and normal that you felt bad and even cried. You’re human. But take care of yourself and put your well-being first.
Keep her far away and warn your friends about that shenenigan she might try to use them to get in touch with you
Your looking at this all wrong your an actual Good Person that’s why you feel bad and honestly in the world we live being a good person is you winning not just the brake up but life as a whole.
Is this true story? If so good for you, now block her ass
Proud of you for keeping your head up and not going back to her. Some guys do and they regret it for life.
Good for you and glad you stood firm.
The worst part about this is she’s going to portray you as some kind of misogynistic monster, just like her ex, who didn’t “step up” or something and save her from the consequences of her actions. Because, how could you do that?
Someday some dude might irrationally have a beef with you because of how she’ll portray you. He’ll either be intelligent enough to eventually know that he can’t trust what she says, or he’ll not be intelligent enough and may even act on that misinformation.
And if she does keep this child, it’s going to be poisoned by her attitudes.
But, thankfully, none of that will really be your problem and you’ve dodged that series of bullets.
Sis tweaking. If she wasn’t pregnant, I’d say be petty as hell. You did the right thing.
So yeah, that guy was fucking her before she officially broke up with her. So yes, she cheated. Don’t avoid the truth.
Her sob story isn’t your problem. And stop feeling sorry for her.
> I cried a bit this morning thinking about it
You are a live one
Is this a sign? Lol. My ex of 2 years also left. She engaged with someone 5 months later. She now had a child with him. I only found out about it today when I logged into my old facebook account.
🫂 I’m sorry this happened, you’ve got the correct perspective, the right amount of empathy and respect for human life and dignity, while also understanding that you have to give yourself some dignity too.
Chin up, no need to feel sad as it has nothing to do with you.
Try to move on, not worth losing sleep over her.
I get it, man. It’s tough. You didn’t expect to feel bad after all this, but that’s how it goes sometimes. You set boundaries and stuck to them, which is huge, even if it doesn’t feel like a win. It’s normal to feel sad about the situation, especially with a kid involved. You’re grieving what could’ve been and what you thought she was. It’s okay to feel conflicted. It doesn’t make you weak. You’re just processing everything. How are you feeling now?
This is a victory. Might not be a pat yourself on the back moment but where you pat yourself on the back is not being sucked back in!
She tried. You didn’t cave. You have become a stronger person for all of it.
Dipppppp
> I “won” the breakup I guess but its a hollow victory.
Imo that is how it should feel. You are done, it shouldn’t really get at you, if it did you were never really over it.
You did the right thing until now, why going down the rabbit hole and (over) think about other people’s unborn child and what’s about to come for them in the future?
>and now wants
me backmy money.FTFY
Damn, i honestly think this kind of story happens alot.
Its sad, and rough.
I would in no way take her back of This was my position.
Even if she got removed the child.
I dont wanna build a relationship with someone who ditches whenever she gets a better option.
This is a classic “the grass isent allways greener on the other side”
Or “you dont know how good you have it, before you dont have it anymore”
OP, you didn’t do anything wrong and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Keep living your own life. Your ex made her bed and she can lay in it. Alone. As a single mother.
It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling sad, even though this situation might seem like a “revenge fantasy” come true. What you’re experiencing is complex. You’re processing the initial hurt of the breakup, witnessing the difficult consequences of your ex’s choices, and grappling with the unexpected weight of the situation. It’s okay to feel conflicted and even a little bit “dumb” – it’s a messy situation with no easy answers. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment.
Honestly, your reaction makes total sense. You handled it with maturity and self-respect, even if it doesn’t feel satisfying. This kind of situation looks like “karma” from the outside, but when it actually happens, it’s just sad and heavy — especially with a kid involved. You didn’t “win,” you just protected yourself, and that’s something to be proud of. Feeling emotional about it doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human. It’s okay to grieve the version of her you once cared about and the life you thought you might’ve had. You did the right thing.
That sucks. I dated someone back in my teens who pulled the same shit. She didn’t get pregnant, but she did hit me up about 3 years later through some mutual friends. I honestly felt insulted she believed I would be so desperate that I would have said yes.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet and had the intelligence to stay out if the way of the person holding the gun. It may feel hollow however you didn’t deserve that treatment. No one does.
Run Forrest! Run!
“Abuse” = “he didn’t do what I want”
She’s just trying to frame it in a way that makes her look better. Don’t believe it.
Don’t save her. It’s not your job. She abandoned you. Just shake your head and shrug.
I wish I was like you, bro. Seriously. Nice job. You did the thing and didn’t get tempted. I’m envious.
You owe her nothing. Yet, you feel for her child. That means you are a good person. Be happy in that.
Brother,
It’s clear that she cheated, and monkey branched to a guy she thought would be better for her. Sadly, that’s just hypergamy and very common. Her exciting dream guy turned out to be a dud, and now she’s regretting not being with a good, stable guy like you.
She will continue to be a selfish user if you ride in on your horse and save her. The best thing you can do is go no contact with her and leave her to deal with the consequences of her actions. Don’t take her bait. She will never learn to be a better person if you come to her rescue.
You’re handling this like a champ 🏆
Never be someone’s second choice.
Never take back a cheater.
Never be someone’s backup plan.
Know your worth. Go find yourself someone who loves you, wants to be with you, and desires you and only you.
Good luck 👍🏽
What a gentleman and a king. It is sad but she and her kid are not your concern. Keep moving forward.
She’s desperately reaching out to whatever she can for help and security, because parenthood isn’t easy or fun
But its a wake up call and a reprioritisation that might benefit her in the long run…
And you never have to be a part of any of that. People are allowed to have their own moments of growth
There’s also the risk that she breaks and it turns out bad for everyone involved. But even then, not your concern
Don’t accept her back.
Yeah I don’t think many guys dream of this situation. It really sucks. For everyone involved.
The fact that the whole situation affects you emotionally and even made you weep shows what a good character you are. Mind you: this women leaving you – you lost nothing! She was rotten! The one thing you lost back then was your illusion of having been in a great relationship with a loving partner, when in fact she was on the lookout for a better catch and only returns and wants to reconcile when things turned to sh*t.
She had no issue hurting you back then, she chose her path, brought this upon herself. I am sorry for her child, but it’s not your responsibility to clean up her mess and step up to be father for a child and breadwinner for a woman who’d quickly dispose of you the next chance she gets. She has her parents, they brought her up with that messed up moral compass of hers, let them help and support her.
You concentrate on your well being. You have lost nothing but the illusion of a relationship, the phantasy of a good partner she never was. – Be strong, be well!
You did the right thing. Don’t doubt yourself. If you soften on this and take her back, the resentment will grow and everyone will have a horrible life.
Breakups can sometimes be compared to bereavement. You mourn the lost connection, the loss of a shared past, and the loss of a part of your future. Your ex thrusting herself into your life would be akin seeing a ghost. It’s totally understandable that it would open some old wounds. You’ve done everything right. It’ll get better again.
Only a fool would consider taking her back.
It’s not a pleasurable win, but let me help you through this:
When I see Russians in Ukraine get killed, on some level, I still feel the waste of life despite the fact they FAFO’d.
As a normal human, you realise she fucked her life, her kid’s life, and did collateral damage to this guy and his life.
None of this helps them become better parents or members of society.
Tell her kick rocks
Good for you. She only came back because she wants you to pay for her kid
…good for her. She took you for granted and won her prize.
She finally realized she gave up the right guy, and the hormones aren’t helping either. Did she at least apologize?
I’m glad you moved on. I hope you find the right woman soon, and you don’t make the same mistake your ex made.
As hard as it will be, don’t take her back. She has made her decision at the fork of the road and left you behind. There’s no reverse.
This story plays out so many times where the person takes them back and they end up repeating.
DO. NOT. TAKE. HER. BACK.
She will do this again.
you sound like a good person, and I sincerely wish you keep in mind what you said about a man being more than his looks and his income.
an internet hug from a stranger, if you want it.
I cannot imagine working myself to the bone while a man sits at home and does nothing. You are crazy to stay and put up with that.
I think you should be now making a plan of possible exit
You’re good, nothing wrong with how you feel.
You’re a good one, don’t stop being you.