I’m a 39 f and my ex mil is 83.My ex partner and I split up about 7 years ago.He was quite emotionally and mentally abusive he stole from me,he cheated numerous times,he used to sexually assault me when I was sleeping,I’m chronically unwell with heart and kidney problems he was not supported and did things that borders on serious neglect.Which is of course why I left.However we have co-parented fairly successfully over the last couple of years so this isn’t about him.
His mother has always been in my children m16 and f13 lives since they were born.She has always been controlling will manipulate to get her own way.Which has been very easy for her to do to me as I am isolated I don’t have family as I was in the care system due to my father being physically abusive and being fairly introverted.I’ve tried my best to get through these problems throughout the years unfortunately allowing her contact with my children as I don’t believe in alienating children from other members of their family regardless of my relationship with them so it does look like I’ve stored up trouble for myself.
Now my children have got older they’ve been acting strange the last couple of months.Ive been putting it down to my sons exams coming up and my daughter having the usual stress through school.I found out two weeks ago that my ex mil has been trying to convince them to live with her.Saying things like if you act up for your mother and stress her out she’ll throw you out and let you live with me.This has apparently been very relentless whenever she’s alone with them.I was absolutely shocked I understand she’s lonely in the last five years she’s lost her husband who was 82 and her 101 year old mother who both lived with her but this isn’t acceptable.I do my best for my children I don’t have any social services involvement,the school are happy with the children their well dressed their needs are attended to we are getting along as best as we can despite me having some chronic ill concerns.I’ve always allowed the kids to stay over if they want to my son is closer to her than my daughter.There was an occasion about a month ago before this all came out where my son asked if he could spend the night didn’t see why not my daughter didn’t want to she said about five times that she didn’t want to so that was no problem as we don’t live far away so she was going to walk home with me.Just as we were leaving my daughter went upstairs with my ex mil and came downstairs in absolute floods of tears so I said are you OK and she said she wanted to stay after all so I said OK finding it a bit strange.Ive since found out from my daughter that my ex mil had said to her upstairs you know you want to stay really just pretend that you didn’t say you wanted to go so your mother will think she’s losing her mind.I was beyond horrified.I have confronted her so has my ex partner and she has denied it all and said that the children are lying.But the kids have no cause to lie and they are still telling me that if she rings them even after she’s been confronted she’s still trying to convince them to do this.Ive had to speak to the school as they’ve both been so upset and ask them to refer the children for counselling and stop them from seeing her for the time being.But as my son is 16 he’s going to be able to do what he wants before long.I really don’t know what else to do for the best I just want my kids to be happy.We are in the UK.
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>She has always been controlling will manipulate to get her own way.
>I don’t believe in alienating children from other members of their family regardless of my relationship with them
>Ive had to speak to the school as they’ve both been so upset and ask them to refer the children for counselling and stop them from seeing her for the time being.
Well since you dont believe in keeping your children away and want to continue exposing them to an abusive toxic family members, what kind of advice do you want? Because that would be the first and most important step.
Your children have suffered for years being emotionally abused and manipulated by your exmil all of their life’s and it has finally showed.
I would absolutely put a stop to visits with her. What she is doing isn’t right. Counseling/therapy for them sounds like a good idea
Stop bringing them to visit. She is emotionally abusing, and manipulating your children.