Location: Montana (reservation)
Background: ex (non-Tribal) and I (enrolled) were together 15 years. In 2021 we bought a house together through a tribal lending program. We’re on the papers 50/50. We were never married and have no children. We live on my home reservation, which does not recognize common law marriage.
I made several mortgage payments but primarily paid our phones, internet, entertainment, and all of our daily needs. I purchased our appliances and, through a tribal program, got us a new septic system 1 years worth of utility payments, and 10 months of our mortgage paid. Prior to the breakup my tribe was also going to install all new windows of us.
Because I still felt bad, I also paid off 5,000+ on his personal credit cards because he was.. honestly a gun addict and wracked up over 12k in credit debt because of it.
We split, there was no infidelity or anything. I just got tired of being his mom and not his gf. He didn’t take it well and demanded I leave the house and was drinking very heavily and honestly scared me with his violent outbursts, so I was happy to go for my own peace of mind and safety.
Now: I told him we needed to figure out the house. He wants the house to be signed over to him since hes made most of the mortgage payments. I said that I felt bad that I did so much and increased the value of the house through my own purchases and through the tribe. He said what I did didn’t count because it was through the tribe (im also employed through the tribe/federal employee) and utilized “tax payer money” for it.
I told him itd be nice to at least get the money I paid on his credit cards back, I was ok with losing the house since I no longer felt comfortable there and didn’t want to live with those memories.
He went off, demanding the house and said if we went pennies to pennies Id owe him money. During this time he demanded the house be signed over to him AND I pay him back for every mortgage payment hes made?
Later, I assume when he sobered up or calmed down, he said hed be willing to give me 5,000 if I signed the house over to him.
I went ahead and called our mortgage company and they said that he cannot assume the loan because theyre a tribal agency and there needs to be a tribal member on the loan at all times. They gave me two options, saying they recommended the first overall.
- We sell the house, pay off the remainder of the loan (90-ish thousand), and then split the rest evenly.
Or
- We refinance through another lender under only his name however it will be a significantly higher interest rate
I let him know these options and he wants to go with #2 because he thinks its unfair that we split the money evenly because I “dont deserve” anything.
Hes still offering the 5k to refinance but wont budge from there. Some of my family/friends think I should take it and cut, that losing out is the price for my own peace of mind. Others think I should take him to court, but agree that it would be a long uphill fight.
Im at a loss as to what to do, though I’m leaving into the 5k as well simply to avoid having to deal with him anymore. I have regular nightmares about him, and its just hanging over me all the time.
Note: idk if its relevant or not but throughout this whole time he would say things like.. if we got back together he’d forget all about this stuff. He’d give me ultimatums like that often, meanwhile he is dating someone else.
/legaladvice what do you suggest?