I (34f) have been married to my husband (38m) for 5 years, together for 10. He calls his stepmom mom because they’re so close, and she’s had to do a lot for our family the past 10 years. When my husband had serious health issues 7 years ago, she had to take over as a conservator for him for a year (we were just dating at this time). She worked at a pediatrician office as a medical assistant for decades so we’d ask her questions when our son (now 5) was born. My son LOVES spending time with her and up until recently they would take him once a week for a sleepover to spend time together.
The issue is, the past 6 months she has been irrationally sensitive. She made me and by husband a scrap book and was upset that we didn’t cry with joy. Literally. She was giving unsolicited parenting advice regularly and if I don’t act on the advice, she’d keep on until I told her to stop and she would cry and be offended. She’d say things like “read this article about sugar. I know you love your son so you wouldn’t give it to him if you knew how bad it was for him”… basically saying if I continue to give my son sugar I don’t love him. She accused me of talking about her behind her back to my husbands ex wife (never happened). And escalated verbal fights similar to above have been happening on and off since Christmas time. She won’t let things go and also sends really rude and petty text messages to me. When I eventually blocked her she was hysterical and it caused so much animosity with my husband’s stepmom and dad so I had to unblock her. There’s a lot more examples but this is the short summary.
Now she sends me passive aggressive texts of old cards I gave her saying nice things for her birthday and texting “maybe you’ll see I’m not so bad”.
She told me she wants to step back from us because of our last fight. I said whatever she’s comfortable with. The thing is, my son asks to see his grandparents often and the problems between me and her are now going to affect my son seeing his grandparents as often. She’s looking for an apology from me, but all I’ve done is tell her I don’t want to fight and [topic here] upsets me so please talk to your son about parenting advice instead of me, but that’s not acceptable to her.
How do I handle this? Do I apologize to keep the peace for my son? Do I stand my ground? I’m not used to not getting along with people.. I’m not confrontational so this has been a lot but my parents are telling me to stop apologizing to her when she’s the one overstepping time and time again. Am I overreacting?
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Can she *really* be such a great grandma though? I think as your son gets older, he’ll assimilate and realize more and she’ll pull him in to her shenanigans. It’s practically inevitable. Plus, he’ll see how tense you are around her and pick up on subtle cues. I don’t see how this can be healthy in the long run.