We’ve been together for about a year. In the beginning, our relationship felt safe, sweet, and kind. I was honest from the start about being a forgetful person. I tend to ask obvious questions sometimes because I just want to be sure. I process things a bit slower than most, but I try really hard. He said he was okay with that.
Lately though, things have changed.
He gets irritated easily. If I ask something, he sighs loudly, like one of those aggressive, frustrated sighs, and answers with an annoyed tone. Sometimes he’ll say things like “Are you dumb?” or “How do you not get this?” I don’t think he realizes how much that hurts.
I used to feel safe talking to him. Now I second-guess everything I say. I’m scared of sounding stupid, even if it’s something small. I feel like I’m slowly shrinking just to avoid upsetting him.
I used to joke around with silly questions like, “Would you still date me if I was a worm?” He used to laugh. Now he calls me childish for saying stuff like that. It makes me sad because that was part of how we connected, being playful, being ourselves.
I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. Maybe we’re just not compatible, or maybe I’m asking too much. But I’m starting to feel like I can’t fully be myself around him anymore, and I’m exhausted trying to figure out what version of me he’ll still accept.
Is this something that can be worked on, or is this a red flag I shouldn’t ignore?
TL;DR:
I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a year. He now calls me dumb and gets irritated over small things. I’m starting to feel scared to be myself around him. Not sure if I’m overthinking or if it’s a red flag.
Comments
wow…. “are you dumb” –> 🚩
if he doesn’t realize that these words are unacceptable, then he has a low EQ
Of course you can’t feel safe talking to him, that’s perfectly legitimate.
No, you’re not “too sensitive”; You are you, and you should be loved just as you are.
No, you’re not “asking for too much”; you’re asking for someone to be respectful, loving, caring, making you feel safe.
Yes, it’s something that can be worked on, on both sides:
– you can try to express how you feel
– he can try to listen, apologise, and never have this behaviour again ; beyond that, it would be interesting to understand why he’s getting annoyed, there might be something underlying..
Now, is there any guarantee that it will be enough to make this relationship great ? I don’t know
Why do you want to be with someone who can’t even manage to be nice to you? Let alone do all the other good partner stuff.
I really relate to this because my dad used to treat me the exact same way. He would get irritated over little things, sigh like I was a burden, and make me feel stupid just for not understanding something right away. It made me anxious to speak, even when I wasn’t around him. That kind of treatment sticks with you–it slowly breaks down your self worth and makes you question everything you say or do.
So when I read your post, it honestly broke my heart a little. Being called dumb by someone who claims to love you isn’t just rude–it’s emotionally damaging. You’re not being too sensitive. You’re reacting to someone making you feel unsafe in a space where you should feel the most loved and secure.
This is a red flag, and I say that from experience. You shouldn’t have to shrink yourself or walk on eggshells just to keep someone calm. That’s not love, that’s control. It might be hard, but you deserve a partner who’s patient, kind, and makes you feel safe being exactly who you are. Please don’t settle for less. If he keeps tearing you down like this, it’s okay and sometimes necessary to walk away.
He is being a bully. He doesn’t like or respect you. The first few months were him on his best behavior. This is who he really is.
Or he’s a narcissist or there’s someone else entering the picture. Don’t beg for love and respect, you earn it by walking away from mean people. The more you beg the worse he will be with you. Stay safe and prioritize your mental health over love and passion, you can have those things again with the right person. I was married to a narcissist and believe me, things can end really bad for you when you stay trying to fill a black hole, thank God I was rescued on time, many cases end terribly bad.