Hi everyone,
I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years. From day one, I felt safe with him. He’s kind, respectful, and provides for me. On paper, he’s a good husband. The problem is that I don’t feel emotionally or physically fulfilled.
His life revolves around gaming. He stays up late every night playing, so we don’t go to bed together. Even during meals, in bed, or while traveling, he’s usually on his phone watching reels.
When I ask for attention, he tells me I should “find something to distract myself.” Our intimacy feels very mechanical — no foreplay, no aftercare. Once it’s done, he goes straight back to games or his phone.
He never asks me about myself, my likes, or dislikes. When I try to connect (e.g., asking what he likes about me), he doesn’t know how to answer. I feel like I’m living with a nice roommate rather than a husband.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful because he is good to me in many ways, but I feel lonely in this marriage. I don’t feel attraction or that “masculine energy” from him anymore.
My question: Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you communicate the need for real intimacy and connection without sounding like you’re attacking your partner? Can this change, or am I expecting too much?
TL;DR: (F28) married to (M30) for 3 years. He’s kind and respectful, but his life revolves around gaming/phone. We lack intimacy, closeness, and curiosity about each other. I feel lonely and unfulfilled. How can I get through to him?
Comments
Yes. Encountered this in the dating phase. Didn’t last long.
He didn’t get this way overnight. You seem to have married for the camaraderie, convenience and security , which you have. The ink is dried 🤷🏽♀️
Lived with that for 12 years. He refused to change and honestly couldn’t meet my needs without being miserable about it, which in turn made me suppress my needs. You could try counseling if you think he’s willing to change and put in the effort. But maybe prepare yourself that this is just how it’s going to continue to be.
You should have a conversation with him, let him know how you feel.
Is he interested in changing? It sounds like he isn’t, in which case things will not change. But he might become interested if you have reached the point where you are ready to leave, and he realizes that he has to do something different if he wants to stay married. In which case, you can say, “I’m really unhappy, and I don’t want our marriage to be like this anymore. I want a marriage with real affection and connection, and I haven’t felt that in a long time. Is that what you want? Are you willing to work on this with me?” He could say no, but he could say yes — in which case you probably will need outside help, like a couples therapist, since this would be a new relationship for the both of you.
Was he attentive and affectionate before you got married? Because I’m confused why you’d marry someone who doesn’t ask you about yourself and constantly is gaming or on his phone….