So I’m (24F) studying dentistry in my hometown. There’s this faculty member (about 28 M) who would talk to me about my trips to America (apparently it’s considered cool ), joke around, and even say my name in the preclinic when passing by. That was three years ago, and he was already following me on Instagram.
Last month he replied to my story. We briefly talked about one of my patients, and I mentioned something rude that was said to me. He asked who said it; I said I couldn’t share it via text, only in person. Then he said, “Oh, then we should grab a coffee together,” All I said was sure and he suggested somewhere close to the school
That was over a month ago. Then last night at 3 a.m., he texted me asking if I was around. I replied about 15 hours later with “kinda.” He then followed up saying, “We had a thing planned, that’s why I asked.”
Meanwhile, I’m talking to someone from the USA who’s visiting me in a couple of months. I want to stay loyal to him. Besides, this is not ethical at all and I feel uncomfortable. But I don’t know how to reject the invitation gracefully since I’ll still see him at the clinics all year.
What should I say?
Sorry if it’s not the best sub to post this
**TL;DR: a faculty at my school has asked to grab coffee and I’m trying to reject it in the most polite way possible to not make it awkward
Comments
You still go where he teaches? If so that’s pretty inappropriate . I would just be upfront and say “hey, I think it’s best to keep things professional.” And then basically ghost him. If he keeps pushing it/harassing report it to the school/his department chair
“listen, just to be clear, i’m not interested in dating you.”
“i’m a student, you’re faculty, we won’t be dating, that’s unethical.”
“i’m not interested in going for coffee with you.”
“what thing could you possibly think we had planned at 3am? come the fuck on, now. that’s absurd, and you know it.”
“i’m already seeing someone.”