Naming a human being is a massive responsibility. It is the first gift you give your child, and ideally, it is a decision made by exactly two people. The parents. But for some reason, the moment a pregnancy is announced, every aunt, cousin, and mother-in-law suddenly believes they have been appointed to the Board of Directors for Naming Operations. They treat your unborn child like a group project where they get to override the team leader.
One couple on Reddit found themselves in the middle of this exact nightmare scenario. They are expecting their first child, which should be a joyous time of looking at tiny socks and painting a nursery. Instead, it turned into a battle of wills against a coalition of relatives who decided that their opinions were not just suggestions, but mandates.
The trouble started a mere week after the pregnancy announcement. The relatives didn’t just offer ideas. They held a meeting and decided the baby would be named Elizabeth or Cassandra if it was a girl, and William or Patrick if it was a boy. These are perfectly fine names, sure. But the audacity to hand a list of “approved” names to the expectant parents is wild. They even had the nerve to say these “solid” names would prevent the parents from choosing “weird tragic names.”
Naturally, the parents told them to back off. They set a boundary. They said they weren’t taking suggestions. But when you are dealing with entitled family members, a polite “no” is often interpreted as a “try harder.” The relatives persisted. So the husband came up with a plan that is so diabolically funny it belongs in the Petty Hall of Fame. They decided to give the family exactly what they were worried about. They decided to leak the most tragic names imaginable.
The couple didn’t just drop these names in conversation. They committed to the bit. They commented on Facebook posts acting like these were serious contenders. They even photoshopped baby items with these horrific names on them. And the names? They are masterpieces of absurdity.
We are talking about “Sprite.” We are talking about “Dicky.” And the crown jewel of the collection, a name allegedly found on TikTok: “C**ntley.”
I need you to pause and imagine the family’s reaction to seeing a photoshopped onesie that says “C**ntley” on it. The panic must have been palpable. The group chats were likely on fire. The relatives who were so worried about “tragic” names were now staring down the barrel of a grandchild named after a carbonated beverage or a vulgar insult.
Eventually, the family caught on. One relative, likely trying to save the couple from financial ruin, asked why they were “wasting money” on personalized items for names they kept changing. The jig was up. When the couple admitted they were just trolling them because they were being annoying, the family was furious. They called the couple “childish.”
But the husband delivered the ultimate reality check. He pointed out that the only thing childish here was a group of grown adults believing they had the right to name a baby that isn’t theirs.
So, are they the aholes? Absolutely not. N-T-A. If you don’t want to be terrorized with names like Cntley, maybe don’t try to bully parents into naming their kid Patrick. This couple took a stressful situation and turned it into entertainment. They reclaimed their joy and established a boundary that is now reinforced with the threat of truly terrible names. That is not being an ahole. That is being a legend.