Me (F22) and my boyfriend (M21) Have been together for 3 years. We have an extremely healthy relationship, he is a great guy, very sweet, and clearly loves me. But for the past few months, I have started feel like we are at a stand still.
I guess my first indication is my loss of wanting intimacy. I don’t know why. He is very handsome, but I now view s3x with him as a chore. I feel like it stems from him just ALWAYS complimenting my body. He never compliments my humor, my smarts, my ambitions, it’s always just about my body. It just doesn’t feel special to me. It turns me off. I mean it’s not to hear that he likes my body, but that being the only thing he compliments me on feels… gross? I know his love language is physical touch, however it drives me insane when he ALWAYS tries to grope me.
I also just sometimes feel like we might want different things. He doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life, it’s ok, we are young, but his lack of thinking about his future frustrates me. He also just doesn’t seem to fully appreciate the things I do. For our anniversary he didn’t get me anything (which is fine i suppose he bought me dinner) but i sent him a nice sweet text, and spent a lot of money on things he would like. I know that’s stupid, but it makes me a little sad he didn’t get me anything.
All things considered, I love him, but I don’t know if i’m IN LOVE with him anymore. But the thought of ending things and losing him scares me. He clearly loves me so much, I love him too. I’m not sure if i’m just in a slump, or if I really want things to end. Let me know your thoughts.
TL;DR Basically some things my boyfriend does turns me off. I feel like we want different things in the long run. He loves me so much in afraid of hurting him. I don’t know what to do at this point.
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Have you tried talking to him about these issues?
> He never compliments my humor, my smarts, my ambitions, it’s always just about my body. It just doesn’t feel special to me. It turns me off. I mean it’s not to hear that he likes my body, but that being the only thing he compliments me on feels… gross?
Have you talked with him about this? Because he cannot hear what you do not say, and there’s no advantage at all to being upset about what someone is doing, not saying anything about it, and then getting more upset that they keep doing it.
> I also just sometimes don’t feel like we might want different things. He doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life, it’s ok, we are young, but his lack of thinking about his future frustrates me.
The two of you are going through the period in your adult lives where you will change, as people, more than you will at any other time. When you got together, you were still teenagers, and you had lived more or less your entire lives according to your parents’ expectations, wishes, and rules.
You’re finally out in the “real world”, so to speak, and each of you is forming your own ideas about what you want and need out of life.
The fact that you were a good fit for one another three years ago neither requires nor guarantees that you’re a good fit, now, or will be in another three years.
> All things considered, I love him, but I don’t know if i’m IN LOVE with him anymore.
Even if you are “in love” with him…love isn’t enough to make a relationship workable.
Before love even becomes a useful part of a relationship, a couple must have compatibility and balance.
Compatibility means that each of you must be able to get what you need out of life for life to be fulfilling and satisfying, without preventing the other one from being able to do the same.
Balance means that both of you must be contributing time, effort, and energy to the relationship equitably, so that both of you are getting enough out of it to make what you are putting into it worth your while.
The way you describe it, it’s clear that it’s already not balanced, and that you feel as if you are putting more into it than he is, and you’re (therefore) getting less out of it than he is.
Whether the two of you are compatible or not, there’s not enough information in the post to make a guess at.
But you have a lot of figuring out to do, because if the relationship is not fulfilling your needs and you’re not getting enough out of it to make what you are putting into it worth your while, then it’s going to get worse, not better, and you’re eventually going to stop being merely frustrated at him and are going to begin to outright resent him.