Family friend [19m]’s family is on vacation and he isn’t interested in traveling with them. He is staying with my family. The reason why they don’t want him alone is because he has been up to no good without any adult supervision. My mom is very close to his mom, and knew each other since they were in kindergarten, so she is more than happy to look after him.
I have known him since I was a child but barely see him after he was sent to boarding school when he was 14. We sometimes see each other during family-friend events but we barely interacted with each other except for saying hello. I just notice he awkwardly stares at me from afar but always look away when he realized I stare back. When having joint family swimming activities, he often stares at me when I am in my bathing suit.
But since he has been staying with us for the past few weeks, he had already made me feel uncomfortable. At first I thought he was shy or socially awkward, until I notice most of the time, he is just staring at my chest. There are times I notice he looks down my shirt, stares at my chest when I am in my sports bra or my butt when I am wearing yoga pants. And it was not just a blink and look away, it was long lingering like if he stare long enough he could gain X-ray vision. I had confronted him before but he denies or ignores me. I didn’t want to escalate things because there were no physical contact yet nor did he steal my hair or clothes.
I notice he says strange awkward things that makes me feel uncomfortable? Like here are a few examples:
When he is walking around the house in his tighty whities, I told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. He told me I should just do the same, just be in my underwear around the house since it is 90 degrees farenheit inside.
Sometimes he ask for hugs which I really don’t want to give him, he smells like a wet dog or he owns a cat without actually having a cat. He also ask me to give him massages from time to time since I have “big hands” but I ignore him. He try giving me pet names like Dairy Queen or Two Besties, which are obviously references to my chest but he says I like Dairy Queen a lot or I am like a second best friend to him.
Staring is another creepy thing. At first, he often ask to workout with me but end up just staring at me, when I tell him he should focus on working out, he will just say he is too tired. After a while of nothing but staring, I ended up working alone. He leers at me all the time. He even do it when I’m doing stretches or pilates in the living room. When I go to the gym, he said I should workout topless like some gym bro.
He often make a lot of innuendos about my chest. When I asked for milk shakes, he’ll make creepy jokes about my milkshake brings all the boys to the yards. I know it’s a song but it really isn’t helping his creepiness level. When getting parts of a chicken for food, he will always loudly say I love big chicken breasts.
When watching some farm documentary, I mentioned horseback riding is something I would want to learn, he would mumble that I am already an expert. It’s quite concerning because of this one time. Sometimes I have my boyfriend over. During the middle of one time, the door has no lock, he and I heard the door slammed but didn’t pay much attention to it. I don’t know if someone closed the door or the wind or whatnot but I didn’t take notice of it until that comment.
Many times he said my boyfriend is not a real man for needing to go to the gym to get a fit physique, is a lazy lover, and a muscle head. I should find a new one to treat me right. I told him my boyfriend and I had been together since we were 12 but he kept on insisting my boyfriend has been or will be cheating on me and will give me an STD.
He has been sending me a lot of memes about relationship things, and constantly asks to hangout, which I am avoiding him like a plague. Now he is giving me random gifts like flowers, some dollar store football merch, and keep on telling me to watch football with him. I really don’t know why nor want to know why.
My friends say it is creepy for what he is doing, best thing is to avoid him or tell my parents. I don’t want to bring it up to them because I don’t want to ruin her long standing friendship, she does not have a lot of friends. I don’t know what to do except I feel trapped.
Comments
My creepmeter just hit 11.
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I was going to say “maybe he wants to be your friend?” When you said he stared at you during reunions or whatever, but then I remembered he’s 19. HELL NO PLEASE TELL SOMEONE. It just got worse and worse.
>I don’t want to escalate things because there were no physical contact yet
Don’t wait that long! Tell an adult. Don’t wait until he does something that leaves you with trauma or fear.
He’s a guest in your house and walks around in his underwear? I could never
Yo, there are so many red flags here, it’s not too late to take caution..first, add a lock to your room, never be alone with him, and avoid doing anything he asks like working out, watching something together, or accepting food/drinks from him it could be drug in there, everything he’s doing is for his own creepy benefit, his behavior is already way out of line and it won’t stay like this, it’ll escalate and he might try to force himself on you or even SA you, so what are you waiting for..tell your parents everything and explain all your concerns clearly before it gets worse, also carry pepper spray in your bag just in case and keep it close.
Talk to your parents, get a lock or door jam. Your folks should put your safety first, over their friends. Avoid any conversation or being around him especially alone, and stop giving him hugs. Girls and women should be taught at a young age that being nice doesnt mean allowing others to get away with making you feel uncomfortable.If your parents dont do anything about it, talk to an adult relative. He is a creep!
Honestly best case, don’t be kind, be straight forward tell him he is a creep and his behavior is discusting and you want him to stop immediately, make sure you confront him when your parents are in the house if he tries anything just scream
Alternatively if your mother won’t believe you, you can tell his mother about his behavior and how it makes you feel, if your mother tries to say anything you can tell her she told you to stand up for yourself since she won’t do that and that’s what you are doing
You are too young to deal with this shit, but the trash people don’t care about sircumstances, if you have told him nicely and he doesn’t listen, then it’s time to stop being nice, you may want to not escalate the situation but if that’s the case you will have to continue to put up with his shit and who knows what that little shit may decided to do in the future
Also your mother need therapy, and if he dares to do something go to your father immediately and tell him everything as you wrote it here, I have adhd myself and some other stuff I have always been bad at reading situations and making friends, but if my child told me something like this, i won’t sit still, I think your father is the same, being on the spectrum usually mean we have trouble expressing or understanding feelings, it’s not that your father doesn’t love you or care for you, it’s that from his pov that care is providing you what you need, a stable home and Comfortable life, do not use euphemisms, neither think he can grasp your feelings, tell it to him clearly what is happening and how that makes you feel, and I guarantee you, your father won’t sit still
Does your mother know he is doing all this creepy stuff? Can you go stay at a friend’s place? I certainly wouldn’t be alone in the house with him, and I think you should have a good lock on your bedroom door. I am worried about you.
That’s creepy as fuck. Talk to your mom, that is not okay for an adult man to make comments about a child like that. You are 15. He is 19. When I was 19 the last thing I would’ve done is ANY of that stuff he is doing to you. That ain’t right, mate.
Girl I’d flip out on him. I’d tell him to look at the floor when I’m in the room. Shame him, make him feel like the f*cking creep he is. Tell him that his leering and actions were borderline pedo since he’s 19 and you’re 15.
You should definitely tell your parents before this escalates. Don’t let them down play it. This needs to stop before he does something worse plus you need to be comfortable in your own home. In the meantime, I’d stay away from home as much as possible and continue to firmly tell him to STOP! Definitely put a lock on your door and stay in your room. Hopefully your parents will make him leave.
You need to tell your parents or other adult in your family. His trying to groom you and he needs to be kicked out before he does something worse
This behavior can escalate quickly, so please do not ignore it. Tell your parents or have them read this thread. Put a lock on your bedroom door and use it. Shut down his attempts to hang out by watching football and cease talking to him about anything other than is it his turn in the bathroom, do you want this leftover, or it is your turn to wash the dishes. You should not invite any intimacy at all with him including small talk about your boyfriend. Shut it all down, steer clear, and make sure the adults know. There is a reason that a 19 year old MAN needs to be babysat for the summer.
You need to drag this behavior out into the light, kicking and screaming. Say something loudly every time.
“Stop staring at my chest!”
“Stop making jokes about my boobs”
“Do not comment about my boyfriend”
“Your comments are inappropriate”
Screenshot his texts to your mom and tell her. As a mother, I would want to know this immediately. You would want to know, too, if it was your own child someday.
Tell your parents and have them put a lock on your door.
Has the boy been checked to see if he could be on the autism spectrum?
Tell your mom. You might think you know what she’s going to do but she might in fact surprise you. Second I would get a knob with a lock and a key. And keep key on me at all times. And if all else fails have your boyfriend say something to him. Your BF should protect you. Doesn’t matter how old he is it’s only a few years older, your BF should not be scared of him or intimidated nor bullied by this perv.
Talk to your dad. He will understand and protect you.
Men know creepy men.
Tell your parents – immediately.
TELL YOUR PARENTS.
You need to document this behavior (especially him walking around in his underwear) and have a serious sit-down with your parents. They need to solve the problem.
Do you have a relative or friend you stay with for the rest of the summer?
Please tell your Mom and keep away from this creep as best you can. He shouldn’t be welcome in your home if this is the way he is acting.
Can you secretly record him being creepy? Keep all the messages and things he sends you. I hate to say it but it sounds like you’re not confident your parents or anyone else will believe you. If you have evidence, it’s undeniable.
You need to tell your parents all of this asap and if you have a lock on your bedroom door, use it (when you’re in the room and away from it).
Where are your parents??!!
Talk to your parents. They can’t keep a creep around the house. Your parents can move in with him if he needs supervision.
Don’t overthink it. Trust your instincts and tell your parents right now.
I’m wondering if the mom ever sees him walking around in his underwear plus please don’t be doing exercise workouts in a sports bra in front of him right now you already know what he’s thinking and saying
He’s a creep, tell your parents